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Going mad here

(10 Posts)
cherriXOXO Sat 02-Dec-17 23:10:58

I don't even know where to start sad I seriously don't. I've texted the Samaritans but they sent a message back saying they're incredibly busy, I don't have anyone to talk to really at this time.

My relationship is causing so much pain to me but I've spent years believing it's me overreacting or too sensitive, or I'm abusive too which cancels out what he does.

And because I feel he treats me bad I admit I'm not the nicest person to be around at home. I'm resentful of him, there's contempt there, I'm not sexual to him, I'm down and sad a lot. so he picks up on this and isn't nice back to me.

Just can't see a way clear here, I don't even know if I expect too much.

Iloveanimals Sat 02-Dec-17 23:13:44

I'm so sorry you feel like this 😔. Do you want to talk it through? What's happening? Are you safe?
Relationships of course can be difficult at times, but you should never feel abused, unsafe or unheard. flowers

cherriXOXO Sat 02-Dec-17 23:26:33

Thank you very much for replying, I didn't say much as there's so much that's happened over the 16 years we've been together that I honestly can't get it straight in my head. I'll simply explain today...

I suffer badly with migraines and my partner actually used to be very understanding about this but over the past few months he's become so so selfish and I've especially noticed lately his moods are really odd...he's having horrific mood swings and can seem like a different person from one day to the next.

I came home today with an extreme migraine, it was at the back of my head which are the worst ones, with severe nausea and was close to throwing up. I took my migraine tablet which in itself causes some horrible symptoms and it wasn't working. I told him I needed to go to bed, for one hour to sleep as I knew that would probably sort me out, it usually does. He said no!!! That he needed to use our room to play guitar (he's a musician) and that I'd have to go to sleep in the living room on one of our two seater sofas.

I actually begged - I begged to have our room for ONE hour and he refused, he was so incredibly moody and had zero sympathy. I said to him but I'm in agony here, and he said 'well you shouldn't have gone out today should you'. I had taken my two nephews out for the day and it was wonderful but I'd unfortunately got the migraine while out. He doesn't bother with his family (except parents) so can't understand why I'd voluntarily see mine, especially children as he doesn't enjoy being around young kids. He basically implied I brought it on myself.

He's been angry and pissed off with me all evening, even though I did as I was told and slept on the sofa til I felt ok. I've tried explaining how bad I felt and it's as though I've done something wrong somehow. He's not currently speaking to me, when I said how I felt, in pain etc there was no response from him, no facial expressions at all, he just kept saying he needed to play guitar so it's tough.

Don't know why I expect any different anymore, this happens more and more lately and usually I end up apologising to him EVERY single time, I don't want to this time even though I know that's what he's probably waiting for and expecting.

Did I do something wrong? I doubt myself now and feel I was maybe selfish and he also said it's no different being in the other room and said I was being awkward demanding the bed. Ugh, I am so down.

fusspot66 Sat 02-Dec-17 23:29:42

Nothing wrong with you, but he's a nasty twat.
Hope that helps
Hope your head is soon full better.

MairzyDoats Sat 02-Dec-17 23:30:13

Ok, so he's behaving like a dick. Why are you still with him? I know what you mean about his bad behaviour bringing out the worst in you... A good relationship is one where you're with someone who makes you feel like the best version of yourself. Don't you deserve that?

Iloveanimals Sat 02-Dec-17 23:31:50

He's being awful. Of course you did nothing wrong. From time to time I have had migranes to the point where I feel like I'm going to throw up as well! I have to sleep for hours at a time for mine. I certainly wouldn't want a guitar playing in the house either whilst I had One!
He sounds awful, selfish and unsympathetic.

cherriXOXO Sun 03-Dec-17 00:50:52

Thanks for replies, it helps A LOT, more than I can write, because I have put up with 'unusual' behaviour from him for so many years that I'm in that awful position of being ground down so much that I believe I'm the problem most of the time.

And yes, that's exactly it he brings the worst out in me, which is frustrating because I think I could be a halfway happy person if there wasn't so much negativity hanging over me. I am a nervous wreck.

Why am I with him? Because I'm scared of leaving, I do try, most weeks, but he knows things about me, my past, my family that he will use against me to discredit me and make my son hate me. It's such a mess sad I know I will leave him soon, I'm working up to it believe me.

I just needed to hear that it's not me demanding too much and asking for things that are unreasonable. And yes exactly Iloveanimals - you will know what it's like then when suffering a bad migraine, you feel sick at the slightest thing and it's unbearable! Sleep really is the only cure so I thought asking for my bed was a fair request, but apparently not!

MyRelationshipIsWeird Sun 03-Dec-17 01:00:43

He sounds awful. I'm so sorry you've had to put up with that selfishness for so long. Any normal person would have made sure you were comfy and quiet, brought you medicine and a drink and left you for as long as you needed.

Does you son spend any time around him? If so you can guarantee that he already knows what a hateful twat this guy is. He can't be able to hide it that well and your son will see that you are not happy.

People are more intuitive than we like to give them credit for when we're in an abusive relationship.

Please try to plan for your new life without this cockwomble in it. It won't be as bad as you imagine. I know how scary it is, but your self-esteem and happiness will soar once you're free of this albatross. flowers

cherriXOXO Sun 03-Dec-17 01:12:25

Hi myrelationship - thanks so much flowers

This is what I thought, all evening I've been imagining what other couples I know would do in this situation, and I imagine they'd be happy to let their OH go to bed and look after them, and then later on maybe ask how they're feeling. These are just basic things, even on a human level never mind someone you're living with, yet it's unthinkable that he'd be as nice as that.

Oh yes my son is aware of what he's like, but we don't really talk about it much. He's his son too, worried about revealing too much on here but my son is a teenager so does pick up on things, I've tried so many times to get him to leave with me but he won't leave his dad unfortunately, and gets so upset at the thought of it. I have to say, it's only been the last few months that my partner has become this selfish, we were actually quite happy-ish in the couple of years before as his odd ways were quite toned down for a while and he was making more of an effort. So I'd hoped that we'd be ok after all, or maybe that's me just minimising, due to how bad it is right now.

I'm liking the use of the words 'cockwomble' and 'albatross' here! It makes me feel a bit less powerless somehow, and yes I will try to plan for a life where I don't feel this hopeless.

Cleavergreene Sun 03-Dec-17 05:13:39

OP. Just to set your expectations of what other guys would do, as if you didn’t know. Other guys (normal ones anyway) would have the decency to at least ask if they can help or to anything and let you have your one hours rest. He sounds like a total prick tbh. Fuck him off.

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