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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Dh told me I should go on a diet

135 replies

honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 02/12/2017 22:30

I am quite hurt by it. For context I am not overweight. But he has been making unpleasant remarks about my body for a while now and I have said to him that just before Christmas is probably not the best time to be going on about it.

Am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:

Report

crazyhead · 02/12/2017 22:35

Nope it’s vile. Would you personally say this to him or indeed any partner? I bet you wouldn’t.

Glitterandunicorns · 02/12/2017 22:36

He sounds like a horrible person! Even if you were overweight, it wouldn't be right for him to speak to you in a way that makes you upset, regardless of the time of year.
Does he have redeeming features?

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2017 22:36

He doesn't get to tell you what to eat. At Christmas or any other time of the year. Lose a few stone. Dump his controlling arse!

BlessYourCottonSocks · 02/12/2017 22:36

Nope. I'd tell him he needed to get a bigger cock if we are going to make unpleasant remarks about each others' bodies.

And hey - I can diet if I want. But I don't think you can change your small penis, DH...

AfunaMbatata · 02/12/2017 22:38

But I’m a penis englarger for Xmas. Does he have other awful behaviours? Sounds shit

AfunaMbatata · 02/12/2017 22:38

Buy*

AfunaMbatata · 02/12/2017 22:38

Him*

Stupid fat fingers, sorry oo.

Misslemon01 · 02/12/2017 22:39

Could it be that he means you could try to be healthier in your eating? Otherwise it’s a mean thing to say...

honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 02/12/2017 22:42

I'm actually really healthy as I was pretty underweight before, nearly 2 stone underweight. Now I'm 9 and a half stone which is a very healthy weight for my height, but he has made me feel really self conscious

OP posts:

TaggieRR · 02/12/2017 22:44

To be honest, he sounds like a bastard. Is he horrible about other things?

JaneEyre70 · 02/12/2017 22:45

Your weight is perfect OP, and the fact he's trying to make you feel bad about it is very worrying. Have you asked him outright why he feels you need to lose weight?

SandyY2K · 03/12/2017 00:56

Tell him divorce is always an option if he isn't satisfied with who you are and how you look.

I'm assuming he's superfit, very handsome and with rippling muscles right?

NC4now · 03/12/2017 00:59

At 9.5 stones? Wow. That’s not nice.

gamerchick · 03/12/2017 01:01

So he prefers you underweight? What a cock.

There’s not really much to say to that OP. He’ll end up crushing you.

Cleavergreene · 03/12/2017 05:26

Ok. I’m going to wade in here. Not knowing the full context of the OP's chat with hubby. Neither does any of the other posters for that matter.

Conversations of this type need to be handles delicately and with respect. It sounds like he’s done neither. He could just be an arse wipe, and it’s entirely possible that’s the case.

Nine and a half stone is about 60kg. Without knowing the OP's height, it’s impossible to say if this is "healthy". "Healthy" also has a lot to do with cardio, suppleness and muscle mass. That aside, it’s impossible to tell.

Conversations of this type need to be handled with care and delicacy. They are worth having on the basis of health outcomes and caring for your partner. In terms of "attraction" it gets more fraught. None of us keep our body shape as we age. I doubt 60kg is very unsightly tbh.

A question I’ll pose for the ladies though. Not relavent in this case I think. What is worth saying if your partner goes to pasture after a period of time in a relationship? Is live and let live ok? Putting on kg's every year is ok? Must we remain attracted to our partners irregardless (is that even a word?:)). Can we engage delicately and advise our partners that there exercise and eating habits are adversely affecting there physical appearance? Is that being "mean.?

TheStoic · 03/12/2017 06:35

Why does he want you to go on a diet if you’re not overweight?

TheStoic · 03/12/2017 06:37

Must we remain attracted to our partners irregardless (is that even a word?smile).

No it’s not a word.

No we don’t need to remain attracted to anyone. Nor do we have much control over it.

But if our commitment to a partner is based on how they look, it’s only fair to let them know that upfront.

RefuseTheLies · 03/12/2017 06:41

A question I’ll pose for the ladies though. Not relavent in this case I think.

If it’s not relevant to the op, don’t derail her thread.

RainyApril · 03/12/2017 07:00

Having seen posts on here from women agonising over the fact that they no longer find their dp's attractive, I do think that there can be times when it is appropriate to discuss weight and appearance with a partner.

Having said that, op is a healthy weight and he is making constant unkind references to it, so he is clearly a dick. It sounds like he liked OP's body best when she was underweight. I doubt he'll change his opinion, though he might be persuaded to shut up about it if he loves her. Personally I could not stay with someone who was so superficial and unkind, it destroys your confidence and self esteem over time.

Coolaschmoola · 03/12/2017 07:09

This reply has been deleted

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Buck3t · 03/12/2017 07:52

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Cleavergreene · 03/12/2017 08:01

No it’s not a word.

No we don’t need to remain attracted to anyone. Nor do we have much control over it.

But if our commitment to a partner is based on how they look, it’s only fair to let them know that upfront.

Thsnks for that stoic. That’s called a rhetorical question. Because I knew the answer, see?

We should remain attracted to our partner. But it needs to be on more than a physical basis. Letting know them upfront? You serious? The basis of a relationship is more than physical attraction, but if there is no physical attraction to start with, that seems to me a strange beginning. Notwithstanding the number of MN threads started about relationships that had issues about attraction and sexual compatability.

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HerSymphonyAndSong · 03/12/2017 08:06

Cleaver stop detailing, your post has nothing to do with the OP

HerSymphonyAndSong · 03/12/2017 08:07

OP you should not have to hear unkind things about your body, and “you should go on a diet” is also not kind

You can suggest to him that you could lose several stone of unwanted flesh by asking him to leave

Cleavergreene · 03/12/2017 08:10

Buck nicely said. A pragmatic approach to a vexed issue. I always find it interesting that the responses are so polar and the ladies so certain in there strident responses. Yes, I’m looking at cool and stoic et al.

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