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Can you help me see a way forward

(9 Posts)
plotmissinginaction Sat 02-Dec-17 21:45:17

Married 15 years, 2 DC. DH is frequently horrible to me, name calling and other bullying. I've been trying to think how to leave but I feel stuck for the following reasons:

- I have a chronic health issue and currently can't work and am financially dependent. DH knows this and often threatens to cut the money off although I don't think he would actually do it.
- I have one DC who has SEN, we've had a very difficult year and I don't think he's cope with the upheaval.
- I suspect I might be depressed, doesn't seem a sensible place to be making decisions from.

I'd really like to be financially independent so I know I can go if I need to but I can't get work until I sort my health but I can't sort my health with all this stress. It feels like a kind of grid lock. I feel horribly sad and anxious most of the time and very powerless.

Poshindevon Sun 03-Dec-17 07:58:44

I am sure you are depressed you have a lot to put up with.
Please talk to Womens Aid, what you describe is domestic abuse. A free hour with a solicitor can also guide you as well as CItizens Advice who can advise you on your rights and benefits you maybe entitled to.
Talk to your GP honestly and take medication if neccesary.
I wish you all the best for the future

plotmissinginaction Tue 05-Dec-17 19:01:04

Thank you, I've had enough. I wish I was financially independent, then I wouldn't be so afraid. I'll contact CAB.

Anxiety100 Tue 05-Dec-17 19:07:19

You shouldn't have to cope with that. Is there a family members house you could stay at until you find your feet? Or a friend?
Has he ever threatened your life?

plotmissinginaction Tue 05-Dec-17 19:10:49

No, nothing like that. He's just constantly nit picking. Last week it was I don't make enough effort with the food, tonight I did a home made lasagne but apparently I started it too late and it didn't have enough spices in it and I need cooking classes. Usually what I get is just generally being told I'm useless.

Anxiety100 Wed 06-Dec-17 10:01:18

Well you cant tolerate that! Are you actually getting anything nice out of this relationship?
Where can you go? You surely can't stay here

plotmissinginaction Thu 07-Dec-17 18:53:20

He pays the bills and fixes everything. He can be great when it suits him, I just never know how long it's going to last. I'm loath to leave the house, it's my childhood home. I'm not convinced I can cope on my own actually. Financially or practically.

Anxiety100 Wed 13-Dec-17 16:24:26

Financial and practical reasons are not legit reasons to stay with someone. Maybe you need to start taking responsibility for yourself financially and practically. If you're not ready to leave him straight away, then fine. But how about start by getting a job and earning money for yourself, build up your skills and stand up on your own to feet. Then you'll be ready to leave, be a strong independent woman and find someone else who is worth your time. I believe in you smile

Hidingtonothing Wed 13-Dec-17 16:50:16

How far have you looked into whether you could cope financially OP? When you say the house is your childhood home does that mean you own it outright or is there a mortgage? Have you done a benefits/child maintenance calculator to see what you'd be entitled to?

Knowledge is power in your situation and you might find it's not as grim as you would think which in turn might just empower you to look at what else might be possible. It will be small steps but you may well find your stress levels start to come down as you knock out obstacles along the way leaving you feeling able to tackle things which currently feel impossible like getting back into work.

Taking the first step is always the hard bit, along with getting out of the mindset that you're 'stuck'. If you can find a way round the practical reasons why you have to stay with him it will mean you can make your decision based purely on how you feel about him and your relationship.

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