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My fiancé got puts me down.

(16 Posts)
JiddlyPuff Sat 02-Dec-17 17:19:59

I might be overthinking it or being too sensitive but we are getting married in 6 months.... I don’t know how to word this, and my self esteem has taken a pretty big hit over the last few months so I feel fucking stupid for writing this, but I’m pretty sure my fiancé doesn’t like me. He loves our baby to bits, and wants to have sexual relations with me but apart from that he is guilty of putting me down through making me sound stupid, not only just when we’re alone but in front of others he is an expert of making me look like a fucking idiot. When I speak I am scared of what I say because it might be open to ridicule and I often just shut myself up before I end up getting put down.

He really begrudges spending time outside of the house with me and our son, and if I do convince him to come out with us everything is fucking mission, it’s a stupid idea, a waste of time etc and I just come home feeling miserable and worthless. He enjoys going to the gym, playing on his phone and PlayStation.

I sooo want our family to be happy and when we get married for us to have a long and successful marriage, but when I end most days feeling fucking stupid and worthless I start to have doubts about whether we are making he best choice.

Is it just my self esteem making me feel this way, I am still on Fluoxetine 40mg and have been for over 3 years. My mood is generally stable but since having my baby 10months ago and resigning from my job my self esteem has plummeted.

I guess I just want some reassurance, and if nothing it has been better to get this off my chest, thank you.

strongandlong Sat 02-Dec-17 17:22:35

A loving partner will not put you down or make you feel stupid. Please don't marry this man. flowers

expatinscotland Sat 02-Dec-17 17:30:39

Your partner is emotionally abusive. It will only get worse if you marry him.

MyBrilliantDisguise Sat 02-Dec-17 17:31:55

I end most days feeling fucking stupid and worthless

You can't marry someone like that. And he won't change, though I bet he'll say he will, if you confront him.

WhoWants2Know Sat 02-Dec-17 17:35:06

Does he have any redeeming qualities that would make you consider staying with him?

AlternativeTentacle Sat 02-Dec-17 17:36:14

How long have you been together? Around 3 years?

usernameinfinito Sat 02-Dec-17 17:36:52

Don’t marry this man. He is horrible to you. I have a feeling that you will not need fluoxetine once you leave him.

FizzyGreenWater Sat 02-Dec-17 17:40:01

Oh god.


Don't stay in a relationship with him at all.

He's not nice. And he won't be a nice and lovign partner/husband - and he won't actually be a nice or loving dad, either. No good dad sneers at and puts down the mother of his child.

You can hardly see this, as he has you so ground down, but you're being roundly, thoroughly abused. Please, speak to someone you trust - I say this a little hesitantly, as there's very often a default reaction from family/friends to want to make things better and 'patch up' if they see a close relationship falter - but, if you have someone you trust, tell them exactly how he is, what he's doing to you, makes you feel. You need support.

Practically too - what are your options? You've given up your job I see - financially he has to pay maintenance (plenty of shits don't though) but he doesn't have any obligation to you. So - how are relations with your wider family? Woudl they help you out? Do you have independent funds?

You MUST get away. He's destroying you - as for your depression and feelings of worthlessness, I'll bet you a lot that once you are out of this horrible relationship your mood will lift and you'll feel the old you returning - the one he wants to crush. You'll be able to be a great, confident, strong mum for your baby.

He will shout and threaten. He'll tell you that he'll take the baby (not true) that you won't manage without him (not true) and that he'll change (he won't).

Get some support in place and think about getting away from this horrible horrible man.

onlyjustaboutnearly Sat 02-Dec-17 18:06:01

What Fizzy said a million times over. Call the wedding off now

Christmascardqueen Sat 02-Dec-17 18:09:07

This isn’t how a supportive loving relationship works.

ElephantsandTigers Sat 02-Dec-17 18:12:13

Please leave this dickhead then get yourself some counselling to work out why you think this is all you deserve.

KatharinaRosalie Sat 02-Dec-17 18:15:29

Is it just my self esteem making me feel this way no it isn't. it's your partner.

Velvetbee Sat 02-Dec-17 19:33:26

This man isn't a supportive friend to you and that's the minimum he should be. Please don't marry him.

Greedynan Sat 02-Dec-17 19:40:27

He's a bully.

What you want for your family and the reality of what you have are two different things.

How long have you been with him? Longer than three years. Interested to know whether the concerns you have about your self-esteem started after you got together with this man.

I'd bet if you confronted him he'd gaslight you, tell you you're mental and imagining things.

Re-read your post. He's a bully.

AlexaAmbidextra Sat 02-Dec-17 20:16:42

Oh fgs don't marry him. Marriage won't suddenly turn him into a decent human being. Why on earth would it?

foxyloxy78 Sat 02-Dec-17 20:59:41

Kick him to the curb. It will only get worse. Co parent but do not marry.

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