I might be overthinking it or being too sensitive but we are getting married in 6 months.... I don’t know how to word this, and my self esteem has taken a pretty big hit over the last few months so I feel fucking stupid for writing this, but I’m pretty sure my fiancé doesn’t like me. He loves our baby to bits, and wants to have sexual relations with me but apart from that he is guilty of putting me down through making me sound stupid, not only just when we’re alone but in front of others he is an expert of making me look like a fucking idiot. When I speak I am scared of what I say because it might be open to ridicule and I often just shut myself up before I end up getting put down.
He really begrudges spending time outside of the house with me and our son, and if I do convince him to come out with us everything is fucking mission, it’s a stupid idea, a waste of time etc and I just come home feeling miserable and worthless. He enjoys going to the gym, playing on his phone and PlayStation.
I sooo want our family to be happy and when we get married for us to have a long and successful marriage, but when I end most days feeling fucking stupid and worthless I start to have doubts about whether we are making he best choice.
Is it just my self esteem making me feel this way, I am still on Fluoxetine 40mg and have been for over 3 years. My mood is generally stable but since having my baby 10months ago and resigning from my job my self esteem has plummeted.
I guess I just want some reassurance, and if nothing it has been better to get this off my chest, thank you.
He's not nice. And he won't be a nice and lovign partner/husband - and he won't actually be a nice or loving dad, either. No good dad sneers at and puts down the mother of his child.
You can hardly see this, as he has you so ground down, but you're being roundly, thoroughly abused. Please, speak to someone you trust - I say this a little hesitantly, as there's very often a default reaction from family/friends to want to make things better and 'patch up' if they see a close relationship falter - but, if you have someone you trust, tell them exactly how he is, what he's doing to you, makes you feel. You need support.
Practically too - what are your options? You've given up your job I see - financially he has to pay maintenance (plenty of shits don't though) but he doesn't have any obligation to you. So - how are relations with your wider family? Woudl they help you out? Do you have independent funds?
You MUST get away. He's destroying you - as for your depression and feelings of worthlessness, I'll bet you a lot that once you are out of this horrible relationship your mood will lift and you'll feel the old you returning - the one he wants to crush. You'll be able to be a great, confident, strong mum for your baby.
He will shout and threaten. He'll tell you that he'll take the baby (not true) that you won't manage without him (not true) and that he'll change (he won't).
Get some support in place and think about getting away from this horrible horrible man.