Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Am I being over sensitive?

(17 Posts)
Betterthanlastyear Sat 02-Dec-17 11:52:49

Would you talk about weight with someone blatantly overweight? Even as I think of what to type I know I sound selfish. Id never say anything in RL.

Have put on weight and feel self conscious. Need to work on this. My DC have called me fat (and stupid) recently. I'm dealing with that but it does get to me occasionally.

Having to compliment my mum on how amazing she looks just makes me feel even more dowdy. Should I just be happy for her?

notanurse2017 Sat 02-Dec-17 11:54:45

How dare your DC call you derogatory names?

Are you upset that your mum has lost weight and is talking to you about it - sorry it's not clear from your post.

AgentProvocateur Sat 02-Dec-17 11:57:55

Your DC have called you fat and stupid? What age are they, and who did they learn that from? I’d come down on then like a tonne of bricks for that behaviour.

Leo07 Sat 02-Dec-17 11:58:24

I believe there is no such thing as 'over sensitive' if it offends you it offends you, we are all different.

I'd be having word's with my children about name calling, that's awful! Would you be happy with them calling people names outside the house? If not you should be putting your foot down with the name calling inside the house.

Betterthanlastyear Sat 02-Dec-17 12:00:21

Yes sorry that was unclear. She has, although never was big like me, but is really slim and looking great just now.

Re DC, they are young and I think expressing annoyance about other things. I see it as a need in them. And a bit about learning about hurting feelings. But I'm not superhuman so it does hit my self esteem a little.

Butterymuffin Sat 02-Dec-17 12:04:35

Of course your kids calling your names is going to get to you. How old are they? I'd be very cross with them and there would be consequences.

Bluntness100 Sat 02-Dec-17 12:10:46

How young is young? Of course that will hurt.

As for your mum, I guess you’re just jealous, but yes you should be happy for her. Her being overweight too won’t make you feel better, I’m sorry. Maybe use it as a spur for you?

Many people are overweight and fine with it. If you’re not, then maybe see what you can do to start fixing it.

AnyFucker Sat 02-Dec-17 12:12:34

Your children calling you fat and stupid is "fulfilling a need in them" ?

What kind of crazy permissive parenting is this ? confused

Bluntness100 Sat 02-Dec-17 12:15:14

I’m not sure this is permissive parenting, if for example these are say three year olds or something, then they may not understand the impact of their words, and just need gently speaking to. The op has already explained why they said it, lashing out over other things.

I really don’t see why you feel the need to attack someone already down.

Betterthanlastyear Sat 02-Dec-17 12:26:00

Oh dear. That does read like nonesense. I think maybe they are angry at me about things they can't fix (leaving their dad). I also think they are pushing me to set some boundaries (I have). I'm hoping they are finding more respect for me by my actions these days. Does that still sound like permissive parenting nonesense?!! blush

Not sure I'm jealous, I think it's a shame her own self esteem is so tied up in her looks - and a bit in mine actually. She has always looked lovely.

I suppose I felt she could seek her validation elsewhere while I'm not at my best. Or maybe I am a bit jealous.

But absolutely I need to work on myself.

AnyFucker Sat 02-Dec-17 12:41:43

Please do not make excuses for your kids calling you names. I have always tolerated some back chat if it is done in the name of healthy argument but name calling (and swearing) are no-go areas and they know it well.

It does kids no favours in the outside world and just confuses them when they get into huge trouble for stuff that is only mildly rebuked at home.

Anyway, that's a bit off topic but possibly indicative of part of you somehow deserving of less. You are absolutely not. So yes, work on yourself and if your mum is being thoughtless then tell her so.

AnyFucker Sat 02-Dec-17 12:42:36

Somehow feeling of deserving of less

AnUtterIdiot Sat 02-Dec-17 12:56:26

I agree. My mum has always been a big lady and I would never, ever have talked to her that way. They are not too young to know that it hurts when they say that or they would not be saying it. I get the impression that part of you thinks you deserve it (a) because you're heavier than you want to be and (b) because you are concerned on some level that they are upset because of decisions you've made. Well, as a seriously fat woman, I would say this:

(a) weight is a physical state, not a moral failing. You'll deal with it when you're ready.

(b) your children may be dealing with sadness and uncertainty at the moment but if they are old enough to call you names they are also old enough to know that's not an acceptable way of expressing their feelings. You don't deserve it. Let them talk about how they feel honestly but sit now on any nastiness.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 02-Dec-17 13:04:24

Why do you have to compliment your mum? Why do you have to turn her looks into a judgement on yourself?

It's rude to comment on other people's looks. If she's looking especially lovely before a night out or something then it would be polite to say "You look lovely".

It is rude to comment on someone's weight loss "Wow, you've lost loads of weight, you look amazing." That's rude too. Don't comment.

It seems like your actual problem is that you feel dowdy. Do something about that.

If your children see you letting yourself go then that's an outward sign that Things Are Not OK. If your children see you acting like life is on the up and you have a future worth something, then they will feel Things Are Going To Be Fine. Fake it til you make it.

Betterthanlastyear Sat 02-Dec-17 13:22:34

I don't go out of my way to comment. She sends me updates, photos. Tells me about it. I try to be kind but it makes me wonder what she thinks about how I look.

I do agree it's rude to comment. Anytime over the years I've returned home the first conversation is always about my weight gain or loss which I hate.

But yes, I need to feel better about myself. Work in progress.

Some things to think about regarding DC thanks.

FitBitFanClub Sat 02-Dec-17 13:30:12

they are young and I think expressing annoyance about other things. I see it as a need in them.

Do you really? I see it as them needing pulling up on it straightaway.

AnUtterIdiot Sat 02-Dec-17 14:41:03

Some of us fat women manage to be fat and act like life is on the up. There are worse things to be than fat (or indeed dowdy for that matter - fancy that)

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now