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Controlling relationship

(42 Posts)
Delem Fri 01-Dec-17 21:19:47

My bf is fairly controlling, he has in the past “made” me sleep in the same bed as him when he came in drunk, I have a phobia of vomit so wanted to avoid this by sleeping in our spare room. As soon as he noticed this he started shouting, demanding that I come back to bed. I refused, the argument escalated and he ended up pulling the covers off and dragging me out of the bed by my feet . He also told me if I didn’t sleep beside him the relationship was over. He gathered up some of my clothes and threw them into our front garden. ( how embarrassing)

This has happened more than once and one time he put his hands around my throat. I fled to my parents. Their head could not be further up his arsehole. They tell me every single time to go back home and resolve the issue. I think they like him more than they like me.

This man gets very aggressive when he drinks, one night I picked him up from town after a night out, he wanted to go to maccyd’s so we went through the drive through out of the blue he started screaming at me telling me I was at
The wrong window. (I wasn’t) anyway I stood my ground.

Another time also picking him up after a night out drinking he started telling me off for having our dog on my lap while driving. I said you need to have her on yours. He refused so I
Carried on. He starts arguing, dog goes in back of car and argument escalated and he started putting my hand break up on a dual carriageway. I was so upset and scared. I drove him to his dads because I knew if we went home he could do something physical.

Other little things happen on a daily basis, how I tidy or do things. Who I see, if I go** Out it is constant guilt...I’m quite a bold person so I refuse to do it. I’m not a quiet little mouse.

He cannot go into a shop by himself I always have to go in with him.

Our relationship is also sexless, I think we have had sex twice this year. And honestly it was so awful I just wanted it to end as soon as it started.

I have in the past left this man briefly for about a year and a half but my friends and family encouraged w to get back together with him. He is very charming around other people.

Not point in this post, other than to get it off
My chest.

onlyjustaboutnearly Fri 01-Dec-17 21:25:26

Leave. Before he seriously hurts you. And go far away from your so called friends and family who send you back to your abuser

Babyblues052 Fri 01-Dec-17 21:25:26

Not controlling relationship. Abusive relationship. Do you want to leave him? He sounds fucking psychotic.

RandomMess Fri 01-Dec-17 21:26:22

How can we support you lo leave and not go back?

Moanyoldcow Fri 01-Dec-17 21:26:58

Leave him today. It sounds like there are no children and you're not tied to him so leave before he hurts you.

If you have to go back your parents do so for as short a time as possible. Flat share, own flat - whatever you can afford to make a space your own safe place.

GottadoitGottadoit Fri 01-Dec-17 21:27:54

Oh god, he's mental!

Ellie56 Fri 01-Dec-17 21:29:39

You need to dump this arsehole and run for the hills. Like someone else said this is abuse.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 01-Dec-17 21:43:09


Hands around the throat is a serious threat to your safety.

LEAVE tonight if you can. Just grab essential stuff in a bag and GO.

holidayqueriwifi Fri 01-Dec-17 21:44:08

Go! This is dangerous.

MoseShrute Fri 01-Dec-17 21:45:27

Why are you with him OP? Whats stopping you from leaving? Children? Finances? House?

HeebieJeebies456 Fri 01-Dec-17 21:49:41

I fled to my parents. Their head could not be further up his arsehole. They tell me every single time to go back home and resolve the issue. I think they like him more than they like me

They tell you to resolve it - not 'stay' with him hmm
Definition of 'resolve' = To find a solution

Stop blaming them and avoiding taking personal responsibility for this situation.
It's YOU who chooses to stay with an abusive arse and only YOU can resolve this.

kalinkafoxtrot45 Fri 01-Dec-17 21:54:08

He's abusive and your parents are massive twats. Please, do whatever it takes to get away from this dangerous man.

Iforgotmynameimdrunk Sat 02-Dec-17 00:18:31


bluescreen Sat 02-Dec-17 00:31:57

How can you think this is OK? He is not "fairly controlling" (your words) but utterly and destructively. If you can get some free headspace you might begin to recognise where he's put you.

Please get out now.

PippaPiper Sat 02-Dec-17 00:36:00

Jesus, leave before he kills you op sad

wednesdayswench Sat 02-Dec-17 00:36:21

This is not controlling it is abuse.

You are in an abusive relationship.

Get out as soon as you can.

Delem Sat 02-Dec-17 07:18:54

@Babyblues052 I would like to leave but tied up in a house with a mortgage and a dog who he will emotionally black mail me with. I did leave once before and my entire family ostracised me and made me feel guilty every day. They encouraged me to go back to him so I stupidly did

OnTheRise Sat 02-Dec-17 07:34:13


He's abusive and violent. He's put his hands round your throat, which is a huge indicator of lethal violence to come. LEave him now. This minute. Reallly.

DownTownAbbey Sat 02-Dec-17 07:45:10

You don't get to pet a dog or climb the property ladder when you're dead. And this is the kind of psycho who will 'accidentally ' kill you.

Have you contacted women's aid? Have you sought legal advice re house? It can be sold.

If your family are in the dark about his violence enlighten them. If they already know then they are nasty and pointless. Losing them and gaining a life is no bad thing.

Live in a rented room, a caravan, anywhere. You'll get your equity when the house is sold.

DayKay Sat 02-Dec-17 07:51:40

Please leave him. This is not the life you should be living. He’s dangerous and your parents are fools.
Find the strength to leave him and go somewhere other than to your family. Contact women’s aid.

mousemoose Sat 02-Dec-17 08:06:57

Do you have a job and access to money?

category12 Sat 02-Dec-17 08:11:02

Are your family quite abusive / controlling themselves?

I think you should work on leaving. If you can afford it, look for a flat somewhere that will accept your dog. If not, you should find somewhere for yourself.

There are rescue centres that will take a dog in cases of domestic violence, so you might be able to get him/her 'fostered' until you're in a better position.

ptumbi Sat 02-Dec-17 08:14:17

Leave him. Get far away. Go NC with your unhelpful and probably toxic 'family' and 'friends'.

It can be done. Start saving every penny you can. Get legal advice. Get WA advice. Once you have these, move out, start proceedings through a solicitor. Ignore family. Move to a different county and get another job/flat/friends. All communication through legal channels. Disappear except through legal. Rehome dog or take with you.

prettywhiteguitar Sat 02-Dec-17 08:18:42

Leave with the dog, sort the mortgage out later. Fuck him and your family.

It's terrifying to read never mind living though. He will end up killing you.

This is exactly what women's refuges are for, can you find out your local one and ring them ? Or ring women's aid ?

user1499786242 Sat 02-Dec-17 09:08:23

Oh Hun! You need to leave! Today!

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