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Slowly accepting NC with childhood friend

(7 Posts)
LittleMissUnreasonable Fri 01-Dec-17 18:55:16

I have a friend I've know for 15 years now (known since high school) and recently I feel like I've had to put all the effort in. We've helped each other through some pretty hard times and I was there for her last year through a break up, bad speight of mental health etc being a constant sounding board over the phone on an almost daily basis. All whilst I was suffering from poor MH myself. I live half an hour away and in the 4 years I've been here she's never once been to visit. I often go to see her instead. Her messaging first is extremely rare and her excuses for "I can't visit I'm working " wash a bit thin as I've offered her both weekend and weekday dates to visit.

I just feel extremely hurt and let down. I know nice need to go NC but don't know how to stop feeling rejected sad

gingerclementine Sat 02-Dec-17 09:15:06

She sounds like one of those people who is so needy they have no space or energy to give back in return. You were treating her the way you'd like to be treated yourself but it wasn't reciprocal.

That sort of friendship is so draining and also demoralising. Instead of actively going NC, could you maybe just focus really hard on developing some acquaintances closer to home and let your contact drift for a bit.

Having been in that sort of intense and needy friendship in the past, I found light, casual acquaintances really refreshing. Lots of giggles and bland chat - nothing too heavy. Just people you go for a drink with once a term (school mums or people in your fitness class etc) or quick chats on dog walks. Let some friendships develop very slowly from these and watch out for people who demand and need but don't return the favour. back off them before you get too close in the future.

OldBook Sat 02-Dec-17 09:44:40

I recently went nc with a really close friend- possibly my best friend- although it’s a man. It’s hard. We have a rule book for breaking up relationships but not friendship.

But - I do feel better for it and know it’s for the best even though I took it hard at first considering it was my decision. I just wanted things to be different I guess

OldBook Sat 02-Dec-17 09:46:23

Forgot to say I was similar to you in terms of talking daily and hearing all their problems. It’s amazing how much headspace I have now though he’s gone!

Reflexella Sat 02-Dec-17 10:55:34

Sometimes you’ve just got to keep rolling and leave people behind.
It’s never a good basis for a friendship if you see each other out of habit (from school days)

Mxyzptlk Sat 02-Dec-17 11:06:36

Don't go NC. Just decide to have less to do with this friend, while getting to know other people, as gingerclementine says.
That way, you are taking more control of what happens in your life.
If your friend then wants to be more involved with you again, you decide whether to go with it or not.

Chikka1971 Sat 02-Dec-17 14:07:29

I had a close friend like this. We used to meet up once a week. I always had to travel to her place as she was too tired or busy to travel my way, and without fail it was always me who initiated contact. (Even though i worked longer hours). I started to think that she might be a bit jealous of me too as she was "jokingly" putting me down. Eventually I decided to stop initiating the contact and see what happened.....
That was 3 years ago. I never heard from her again. After 6 months she blocked me on Facebook! You live and learn I guess...!

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