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moving home might have been the biggest mistake

(8 Posts)
muslimmum1 Fri 01-Dec-17 17:36:54

I am a mum to be and both I and my husband are young professionals (both under 25 years old) working to get higher on the career ladder. We had a lovely 1 bedroom flat, however, we were barely able to save any money at the end of the month £100 at max if we were lucky.

So we made the decision that as I am pregnant and going to be on maternity leave (with even less than the amount I earn now which isn't great for my job and working in "central London") that we will move in with my mother. My mum has a 4 bedroom house and only 1 of my siblings live in the house. My husband wasn't too keen on the idea but when we sat down and discussed money the saving was incredible it allowed us to actually save for the baby. So we did it! we moved in with my mum.

It has been 1 week and im starting to regret the decision myself. God knows what my husband is thinking or feeling its an awkward subject to discuss.

I miss the privacy. I miss being alone - ever since I knew I was pregnant I valued being alone so much, I don't have that here anymore.

Finding out I was pregnant was hard for me, now this. I feel like I am tearing up inside.

Any advice.

Hoppinggreen Fri 01-Dec-17 17:39:55

It must be very hard but when the baby comes you might be glad of the extra support
If you still feel the same set yourself a deadline to get a place of your own
It sounds like you might have made a mistake but you’ve done it now so you need to plan hos to deal with it

MikeUniformMike Fri 01-Dec-17 17:41:57

Talk to your husband about it.

Hidingtonothing Fri 01-Dec-17 18:11:36

We had to do this, give up our own house and move back in with parents. It was hard, it felt almost like a loss to begin with if that doesn't sound stupid, like there was a hole where 'home' should be. And I felt bad that I was miserable about it when my parents had been kind enough to take us in so I didn't even feel I could express how sad I was.

It did get better though, once I'd had time to adjust. I think it's always difficult going back to live with family as an adult but there are positives too, or at least there was for me. I adore my DM so spending more time with her was lovely, are you close to your mum OP?

What I'm really trying to say is give yourself time to get over the 'loss' of your own home, it will take longer than a week. Once you've done that try to focus on the positives, the bits of being there that you actually like and the advantages of the financial saving and, as much as possible, let the annoyances of trying to live under someone else's roof wash over you.

It's also worth remembering there will be annoyances and an adjustment period for your mum and sibling too while they get used to you being there so give everyone time to settle into the new normal before you decide it was a mistake. It's not forever and a 'make the best of it' attitude can go a long way to making it bearable flowers

Joysmum Fri 01-Dec-17 18:15:58

God knows what my husband is thinking or feeling its an awkward subject to discuss

Please please please stop that sort of thinking now!

Marriage and parenting is a partnership and you absolutely should be sharing your thoughts and feelings with each other because as time goes by, you need to grow and develop together as a partnership. If you don’t, you’ll grow apart. sad

mrsBeverleyGoldberg Fri 01-Dec-17 18:34:53

You're lucky she let you move back in. So supportive of her. Can you use one of the spare rooms as a sitting room for you and your dh? I get that you need time as a couple. But your mum sounds lovely.

Wellfuckmeinbothears Fri 01-Dec-17 18:39:21

That’s really nice of your mum but I do understand how you feel. Talk to your husband as the last thing you want is for the pair of you to be brooding over it in silence. I do think you’ll adjust though, a week isn’t very long to give yourselves time to get used to it all x

bluescreen Fri 01-Dec-17 18:40:47

As well as talking to your husband, obviously (!), you should talk to your mum and - separately - your sibling. It will be a difficult time for everyone. They might feel a bit invaded and your sib may be feeling a bit jealous. Best to acknowledge these feelings honestly and try to negotiate how best to share the space while acknowledging everyone else's right to it too. Think what you can bring to the household as well as rent; think how they can help you too, and talk about these things as positives.

It's not forever, is it?

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