Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Wasting my fertile years with him.

(120 Posts)
sofakingg00d Fri 01-Dec-17 14:54:17

I am 32, DP is 37 no kids.

I have been with DP for 8 years we are engaged - wedding booked for February and are in the process of buying a house - or so I thought. We currently don't live together due to moving back into our parents whilst buying a house. It was supposed to be 3-6 months max and now we are at 18 months.

I drove past 'our house' today to see a for sale sign outside, turns out DP has been completely lying when he has been telling me all is in hand. He hasn't handed in any of the paperwork stuff I have been giving him and the house is now back on the market. He's having cold feet about us buying the house together and decided to just lie and tell me everything was fine.

This has happened before with a house and he convinced me it was about the house and not about our relationship. This is the latest in a long line of dragging feet and commitment phobic episodes from DP but he always manages to convince me it's because of his depression and he loves me and wants all the same things as me.

I feel like I've been waiting for him for years. I love him and want the house, marriage and kids with him but it seems like he doesn't. He would never break up with me, I know he won't but he's not prepared to go the whole hog either.

He says he is depressed and can't see a way out but refuses to do anything about his depression. He hates living at his parents but won't/ can't move out (not a financial issue he and I are both good earners)

Do I walk away before it's too late? I just don't know what to do.

TrojansAreSmegheads Fri 01-Dec-17 14:59:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeorgieBoy95 Fri 01-Dec-17 15:03:14

Walk away. It will be hard... but it would be harder to spend your life with a man who has no respect for the truth.

Your possible future children deserve a better father than this man. You deserve better. You're 32 - there is plenty of time to meet someone who you could start a family with. Don't leave this relationship continue for another week not to mind another year.

When you do have children having a decent, truthful partner is priceless.

queenofthesheds Fri 01-Dec-17 15:05:18

Walk away. He is TELLING YOU CLEARLY who he is. A liar, a deceiver, a future faker. How dare he treat your heart and dreams so callously.

Please please please end it.

BarbarianMum Fri 01-Dec-17 15:06:00

Just walk away. It will hurt far, far less than sraying with this guy. Go find someone who wants the things you want, who wants you.

BarbarianMum Fri 01-Dec-17 15:07:59

Oh and when you meet the next possible "Mr Right" place more weight on his actions than his words. People lie.

Killerfiller Fri 01-Dec-17 15:08:34

Soooooo many people on this site have been in your situation and stayed in it so long because they are desperate to settle down have kids and get married.

Most of them end up leaving and meeting someone else within a few months.

Does anyone else remember the lady who had her wedding booked and then did a zombie thread to say she met someone else and was pregnant ?

mamasiz Fri 01-Dec-17 15:10:19

Oh OP. Get away from him, he sounds like the old man of the sea. He is not invested in a future with you. You will find someone who is. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide to do.

itsalottery Fri 01-Dec-17 15:12:09

Another one that says walk away here. Today you are 32. Next year you will be 33 then 34 etc and he will be the same most likely and time will run away and if you want children time will run out but it hasn't at the moment and you have time to get over him, meet someone else and do all those things. It will hurt a lot to walk away but you're hurting now anyway.

Ttbb Fri 01-Dec-17 15:13:21

If having children is important to you then you have to leave now. Every day you prevaricate could be the your last opportunity to leave and find someone who will actually have children with you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 01-Dec-17 15:13:39

Walk away with your head held high.

Do NOT waste your fertile years on him, you might still be in this situation in 5 years time.

Yes, it will be hard, but if you leave him now, you have plenty of time to find the man you deserve, who wants what you want. It's doesn't sound as if he knows much about anything by the way he's acting and treating you. Good luck, whatever you decide. flowers

glow1984 Fri 01-Dec-17 15:14:36

Depression is nothing to do with it. My DP has anxiety and depression and he still wants to buy a house with me and be in a committed relationship. I think your DP is making up excuses to string you along. You're better off leaving now.

OlennasWimple Fri 01-Dec-17 15:15:08

Why on earth would you stay with him? confused

Nicknackpaddywack16 Fri 01-Dec-17 15:16:04

sorry to hear this OP. Walk away now

Sunshinegirl82 Fri 01-Dec-17 15:16:08

I'd walk away now OP, 32 is young, you've got loads of time to put this behind you and meet someone else who really WANTS all the house and the kids with you.

You DP doesn't want those things. You might finally persuade him to buy a house or have a baby but his heart won't be in it and you'll be walking on egg shells hoping he doesn't buggar off.

Having a baby is hard even when your partner is 100% on board and supportive, doing it with someone who doesn't really want to do it is a recipie for disaster.

You only get one chance at life, don't waste it on someone who isn't that bothered. Words are cheap, find someone who SHOWS you they mean it.

Whirliegigspider Fri 01-Dec-17 15:17:04

I've been there. It's hard. Leave him. I'm same age as you and single. I'm hopeful I'll find someone. Don't waste time on him

Peanutbuttercheese Fri 01-Dec-17 15:17:09

Leave him.

Plus and I hate to say this but this situation happens a lot and then they meet someone and marry and have kids really quite quickly.

Codlet Fri 01-Dec-17 15:18:24

Lying to you about the house stuff is absolutely unforgivable! Aren’t you furious with him?

rcit Fri 01-Dec-17 15:19:06

Get away and do it right now.

He is lying about major things. You can’t trust him as a baby’s other parent.

You are not tangled up with property, marriage or children so you can make a clean break today and start the rest of your life.

Slaylormoon Fri 01-Dec-17 15:27:50

Please don't give him the opportunity to get cold feet at your wedding too.

MikeUniformMike Fri 01-Dec-17 15:36:41

Leave him. He'll never marry you.
It will hurt like hell, but one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt any more, you'll have built up a full and happy life and just when you're least expecting it, there Prince Charming will turn up and you'll wonder why you 'wasted' 8 years of your life being dangled on a string by Mr Toad.

Come back for ideas on how to build up your life.

If you stay with him, you'll stay in the same situation indefinitely. Dangling.

greendale17 Fri 01-Dec-17 15:44:14

*Leave him. He'll never marry you*

^This

beesandknees Fri 01-Dec-17 15:48:30

Sweetheart, please, you are going to so bitterly regret staying with him. He is not going to give you what you want. PLEASE get out while you still have time to start over x

TheNaze73 Fri 01-Dec-17 15:50:12

Why on earth would you want to marry him?

His action or lack of says all you need to know. The lies are so bad

NonplussedwithFB Fri 01-Dec-17 15:51:08

Walk away. I haven't been in your position but have just left a relationship with someone who did this to someone else. She got pregnant accidentally after being with him for 9 years and he forced her to abort. They limped on for another 5 years and he left her.

She is my age now (38) and has nothing. No children, no house (he has got it!) and lives in an awful city and honestly looks pretty miserable. She still desperately clung onto him even though he was in a relationship with me.

He was a nightmare to be in a relationship with. He kept her dangling emotionally and lied to me. Totally narcissistic, selfish and commitment phobic and I saw right through him and (thank god) had no ties with him. She's come off much worse than me. He stole her future. He was 'depressed' too. I know about MH and it was more selfish and unable to grow up.

Please don't become an object of pity. Heartbreak last a short time in comparison to chaining yourself to unhappiness for life.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: