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Blind date - which is the best option?

(60 Posts)
MiracleCure Fri 01-Dec-17 13:30:31

Hmmmn my guess I’d be sensible, meet in a public place.

He suggests a drink then back to his for him to cook. Dodgy, yes?!

He is pretty frank (and good looking!) and I’m sure we will end up having sex at some stage. Seems to be my type. But I am new to dating and must stay safe.

Help me, please!

Killerfiller Fri 01-Dec-17 13:31:56

Sorry having sex when ?

On the night you first meet him ?

Babyblues052 Fri 01-Dec-17 13:33:46

This is the first date? I would advise against going back to his, you don't know him, he could be shady

MiracleCure Fri 01-Dec-17 13:34:38

No! Not on first night. Not for a few nights, in fact! Or months, maybe...

MiracleCure Fri 01-Dec-17 13:38:48

I think it would be reasonable of me to suggest dinner OUT and in a restaurant, and also in the centre of town, yes? (Equidistant) rather than his end of town. Am I right?

Hmm bit forward of him to suggest a place near him... with option of going back to his after drinks so that he can cook dinner...

Killerfiller Fri 01-Dec-17 13:40:49

Yes go out and do not go back to his the first night for dinner or anything else.

You can eat out.

Enjoy.

RaspberryBeret34 Fri 01-Dec-17 13:48:54

If it's a blind date, I assume you haven't met at all, just seen a pic? I'd just suggest meet in a public place for a drink / coffee. That's mainly because I think it's pointless to be stuck having dinner (plus "who will pay?" question) when you don't even know if there's chemistry or if you get on in person. With online dating, I always saw the first meet as a date zero, rather than a first date. couple of hours, a drink or two and then go home to decide if you want to see each other again for a proper first date. The last thing you want to do is soldier through dinner thinking "God, when can I go home?"!

I'd also see his suggestion as a small red flag. Possibly he's just keen but it's not a great sign for him to want to rush you back to his when you haven't even met.

PinkTiger Fri 01-Dec-17 13:49:34

Do not go back to his on a first meeting.
Multifold reasons

don't know him

could be psycho/have swinging gang rape flat mates

generally not a good idea to put yourself in a "sex is possible" situation after drinking alcohol where you don't have time to rationally reflect as to whether this is a good plan - by which I mean another day/ another time.

it may not matter to you but if you are looking for a relationship as opposed to a quick shag, it may send the wrong message and set the wrong tone for the "relationship". [I know some people will disagree with me about this but its a least a risk. You don't know this guy or what he wants]

May50 Fri 01-Dec-17 13:55:37

Yes, definitely do not go to his place on first date. Public place, and let someone know where you're going. You've not even met him once yet. Be safe.

BlokeHereInPeace Fri 01-Dec-17 14:22:47

Bloke here. Don't go back to his. Have a quick drink, see if you like him. If he moans, forget it. Good luck.

ShatnersWig Fri 01-Dec-17 14:23:52

I always thought the point of a blind date was that you didn't know what the other looked like?

QueenOfAccidentalDeathStares Fri 01-Dec-17 14:26:28

meet for a drink.

if it goes well, you can extend to dinner.

if not, you can abort after the drink.

itsalottery Fri 01-Dec-17 14:29:31

I would meet for a drink only. You can always go for impromptu dinner if you're getting on but I wouldn't arrange that in advance. Definitely don't go back to his, I'm sure he'll interpret this differently to you.

MiracleCure Fri 01-Dec-17 14:36:12

BRILLIANT. Thank you. Although I know this stuff, it's easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment. I need to keep hearing it as my boundaries have been blurred in the past.

RaspberryBeret34 Yes, not met, just read profile, seen pics and swapped a few messages. I hadn't thought that about dinner and being stuck, but yes you are right. I like the idea of Date Zero, perfect! Yes, yes, exactly; I wondered if this should be a small red flag. We have discussed 'values' in terms of relationships and flags, but it doesn't mean I have to rush into it.

PinkTiger Excellent points and my thoughts entirely. I have no idea who this man i, and have a duty of care to myself first. Even if I am looking for a quick shag (and I don't think I am - hard to say without seeing him!), it is good to keep my self-preservation up and to not be too available from the go.

BlokeHereInPeace Great to hear from a man. Yes, have suggested quick drink, and also half way rather than me going to his part of town, which would be just that bit too convenient.

ShatnersWig Maybe not quite 'blind' then. Online, so have seen pics and swapped a few messages.

QueenOfAccidentalDeathStares Yes, hadn't thought of that - extending to dinner is far easier than trying to backpedal.

Thanks, all!

MiracleCure Fri 01-Dec-17 14:37:10

Whoops - itsalottery Yes, agree, easier to move on to impromptu dinner if it goes well. I've changed it to suggest meeting halfway, too, as he lives over half an hour away to me.

Toprate Fri 01-Dec-17 14:42:33

Definitely just meet for an hour for a drink/coffee before an actual date. You might dislike him on sight.

MiracleCure Fri 01-Dec-17 14:57:23

I also pointed out to him that he hasn't asked me about my axe-murdering tendencies yet...

NearlyChristmasNow Fri 01-Dec-17 16:11:07

Meet for lunch instead of dinner. Drive there so you don't accidentally drink too much.

MiracleCure Fri 01-Dec-17 19:25:59

I can't do lunch as am working! I am definitely driving, though smile

Oh goodness, what do I wear???!!!

butterfly990 Fri 01-Dec-17 21:01:16

I was also thinking he might be a cheap skate and doesn't want to pay out for dinner, that and a quick shag.

MiracleCure Fri 01-Dec-17 22:14:26

I wondered the same. He is supposedly in a great job and has no financial ties. I wonder if he’s keen to get me into bed. I’ve reined him back, I think.

teaandcakeat8 Fri 01-Dec-17 23:12:48

How do you know you'll end up having sex at some point when you've never met him?

Genuine question.

MiracleCure Sat 02-Dec-17 00:41:13

I wish I knew! We have been very frank and he has been to a specific place that is very special to me, and I’d unusual. He looks very handsome and we have texted a lot - some of it about sex, and we have the same values. Sounds like we are looking for the same things. I don’t know if he will be a long term partner as not sure I want that, but I imagine a strong bond...

category12 Sat 02-Dec-17 07:58:44

Good grief, reread your last post - you haven't even met yet! Stop "imagining".

Cleavergreene Sat 02-Dec-17 08:18:38

Good grief, reread your last post - you haven't even met yet! Stop "imagining".

Although you are right, we all fantasise. We all end up thinking what if’s. It’d be a boring world if we just thought pragmatically all the time.

OP. My suggestion. Lunch date during the weekend. Or the movies maybe. Or just meet at a cafe for a coffee. NOT back to his place. That ain’t a first date good idea.

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