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Am I just paranoid

(4 Posts)
Smegoffdogfoodface Fri 01-Dec-17 12:28:02

Hello, I’m a long time lurker in need of some advice. I’m sorry if this is long.

I have been married to my dh for 15 years and we have two children. I have always been insecure in our relationship and worried about him cheating on and off over the years. I have never had any evidence to back this up. Through counselling I’ve come to realise that due to my terrible childhood I have low self esteem and trust issues. When I have had my insecure patches over the years my husband has always been reassuring and tells me he would never cheat he loves me etc.
As well as my insecurities I have suffered with depression and through those periods although my dh has been supportive and wonderful I am aware that it puts extra strain on him as has a demanding job with long hours and when I’m not well he’s then picked up the slack at home too. A few months ago during one of my depressed periods and my husband also going through a very stressful time at work we had an argument and he packed his bags and left. He was very angry and said he had had enough of looking after me all the time and other things. I was devastated as were the children and he came back that night saying he was sorry and was stressed and everything had gotten on top of him. I can believe this as he was under a lot of stress and he does bottle all his feelings up and won’t say when things are too much. (Because he says he feels he has to be strong for me).

Since then all though things are good between us again I just can’t get it out of my head that there either a, might be someone else or b, he might walk out the door again at any moment if I’m not presenting as happy.
I have raised this with him several times and he says he loves me, he was stressed, and he wants to be with me.

BUT I can’t get these negative thoughts out of my head. Am I being paranoid?

Has anyone been in a similar situation, how can I get these thoughts out of my head and just be happy??

Cricrichan Fri 01-Dec-17 12:33:26

You've been with him for 15 years and he's never given you a reason to distrust him. Yet you still can't trust him. Yes, the problem is you.

I've been on the receiving end of this for many years and like you, it's to do with his childhood (and still today his narcissistic mother) but the end result is that I have to constantly proclaim my innocence. He doesn't trust me and to me if there is no trust there is no relationship. It has killed the love I had for him in such a way that I can't even remember or even imagine ever caring about him.

Regardless of what the reasons are, you've got to get help or you'll drive him away.

Babyblues052 Fri 01-Dec-17 13:31:30

Yep I think you're being very paranoid. He didn't leave the last time because you werent presenting as happy. He left under what seems as a very very difficult time where he had a lot of pressure on him. He didn't check out of the relationship when he left he probably just felt a bit suffocated and needed a bit of space. I think if he told you that youd probably think he was going off to cheat either way he can't win.

He sounds lovely understanding and very patient and sounds like you're lucky to have him.

Babyblues052 Fri 01-Dec-17 13:45:32

I just read my message back and worried it sounds as though I'm being a bit dismissive I just mean it sound you have a good man who loves you dearly and has stuck by you through thick and thin. I hope someone give you advice that helps you relax and enjoy life with your dh.

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