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friends who disappear when they meet a man

(14 Posts)
hattyhighlighter Fri 01-Dec-17 12:24:41

Am long term single so I've had this a few times now. I do try to make an effort with my limited social life when I've not got dcs. I'm genuinely pleased for my single friends when they meet someone and I know they have the honeymoon period and I don't expect to see them as much. But I've had two or three do a complete disappearing act, seeing the new man every day, if you try to see them they bring him along too. I tend to not say anything and just let the friendship drift but I do feel sad really.

User6252562 Fri 01-Dec-17 12:42:32

Quite sad really isn't it.

Doyoumind Fri 01-Dec-17 12:51:17

I suppose I have been a little guilty of this in a couple of relationships at the beginning. But I also had a relationship where he isolated me from friends either by saying we couldn't see them or by acting so awfully when we were with them that I didn't want to go through that again and neither did they, and I actively avoided friends. It ruined some friendships forever for me so remember there's two sides to every story.

Fosterdog123 Fri 01-Dec-17 12:52:14

Yep, happened to me too. I find it pathetic to be honest, especially the bringing them with if you do manage to peel them out.

TheNaze73 Fri 01-Dec-17 12:52:36

I think people who do this are so desperate, sad & needy. It really gets my goat. We all know who they keep a running too though, when it inevitably goes tits up.

Would be a huge red flag for me, if someone I was in a new relationship with, wanted to see me every day.

SueSueDonahue Fri 01-Dec-17 13:02:20

Yup. Happened to me once.

It's annoying as even if they drift back, it's not the same...

nibora Fri 01-Dec-17 13:08:34

It's just life, usually in any large group of friends it's understood that people's priorities change. No one wants to socialise with someone who would rather be elsewhere surely.

Cheeseandcucumber Fri 01-Dec-17 13:17:00

I have two of these. One recently went through a divorce and so I supported her daily - had her at my house most nights and arranged regular distractions for her such as nights/days out.

Then she got with a guy and fell off the face of the earth for 3 months only to reappear when it went sour, expecting to do things regularly again (which mainly consisted of going out to be around other men).

Then she did it again with another guy. Only this time she's incredibly smug and condescending about it too. E.g. I'll suggest doing something she always enjoyed doing like going to dinner and a show and she'll respond with 'why would I want to do that? I'm all wrapped up in <boyfriend's name>'s arms for the night'.

Also will check if he's free before seeing me and will only see me if he's busy.

Thymeout Fri 01-Dec-17 13:23:39

This happened with a colleague of mine. Previously, she had practically press-ganged a friend to go on holiday with her. Dropped her like a stone when she found a boyfriend. Turned down an invitation to a charity event organised by another friend with a personal interest in the charity through her disabled child. 'I don't need to go to that sort of thing now I've got John'.

The next time we were on her radar was when she needed guests for her wedding. People wished her well but, not surprisingly, just didn't feel like making the effort.

Penguin27 Fri 01-Dec-17 13:33:28

I have an ex-friend who I guess would say I did this to her...

We were "BFFs" for years and lived together when I met DP. When I introduced them, she took an instant disliking to him and was quite rude. Afterwards, her whole attitude towards me and our friendship changed. Even while we still lived together, she wasn't interested in spending any time with me (even when DP wasn't around). I moved out after a couple of months and we haven't spoken since.

I was definitely very excited by my new relationship, but I don't think I behaved in any way that would have suggested that I was no longer interested in our friendship.

This was years ago now but still hurts.

mogratpineapple Fri 01-Dec-17 13:43:45

I'm a bit annoyed by this right now. She wasn't a close friend but when her husband dumped she called me up to offload. We saw each other every week, I was happy to be a shoulder, we had a laugh. Then she meets a new bloke. Haven't seen her for three months. Have contacted her txt, oh yes we must meet up soon. Yeah right. When you're dumped no doubt.

Just people I suppose.

grobagsforever Fri 01-Dec-17 14:03:34

Men are so much worse for this! I am a young widow (37) and have a wide network of other young widowed friends, we are all dating as our respective spouses have been gone around 3 years. When the men meet someone they always just disappear. It's incredibly annoying, especially as we all have children and the children value the friendships with other children who have lost a parent.

hattyhighlighter Fri 01-Dec-17 14:24:20

Wow thanks for all the replies.

penguin it doesn't sound like you did this to me, more a clash of personalities between friend and bf.

Interesting comments and yes I guess men do it also. I think if someone's very young its one thing, but perhaps harder to understand in those who have been divorced, been in EA relationships etc. Why can't they see that rushing into things and ditching all your friends puts you in a potentially vulnerable position, as well as being hurtful to your friends.

I agree its a potential red flag thenaze and doyoumind
Yes some will try to drift back months or years later or when the new dp eventually has a night out or they realise they have no friends hmm

PsychedelicSheep Fri 01-Dec-17 15:00:29

I’ve got friends who do this. I find it really tiresome and have lost respect for them tbh. Friendship is precious and something to be nurtured, if you don’t put time and effort into it then you run the risk of losing it.

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