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Separating but having to live together

(11 Posts)
onlyjustaboutnearly Fri 01-Dec-17 11:14:57

Have asked husband for a divorce

2 children, 5 and 2

He's not currently working but potential new employment starting in the New Year

He wants me and the kids to stay in the house. Fine. But he won't leave till he's working/can afford too.

Other than leaving myself with the children (I would much rather stay in the house) what can I do? Is being separated but in same home possible?

Things are bearable now he's calmed down (well they are pretty much as they were anyway and I've lived with that for years)

I'm just fearful that he will drag things out and still be here in 6 months time.

Does anyone have any experience of a separation agreement?

PizzaPlease Fri 01-Dec-17 13:46:24

Oh gosh, if you can avoid it by any means do so. Mine lived with us for a year and two months after I ended it and he was a nightmare. It was incredibly stressful and when he finally left it was like a huge weight had been lifted.

TartWithTheCart35 Fri 01-Dec-17 14:06:03

Me and STBXH still live together but in separate bedrooms.

We separated 2 months ago and started divorce proceedings.

We got on well, but tbh we've just been like mates for a couple of years so it's not really any different.

Things may be different though once we start fighting over finances.

onlyjustaboutnearly Fri 01-Dec-17 15:04:25

I feel like this is his last bit of control, like he won't let me be free till he decides. I have a time limit in my head but hopefully we won't get to that point

No room for separate beds but we haven't had sex in 3.5 years anyway....that is unlikely to change!

User888881 Fri 01-Dec-17 16:10:12

If it has to happen then I would be tempted to find a bed solution so he gets the message that things are changing.

AForest Fri 01-Dec-17 16:30:44

This is my situation OP. We have finally agreed to separate but I think we will continue to live together until I get a job and we sell the house. I would imagine it will be 6 months to a year. The bed sharing is not ideal but like you we don't have much choice and the dc don't know yet, I don't want to ruin Christmas for them. We've not had sex for 6 years so I doubt he will suddenly become amorous now!

As for divorce proceedings I think we will live separately for two years so it can be more straightforward but I haven't done a lot of research on that. We only really decided (he agreed!) yesterday that there is no future for us together.

Olicity17 Fri 01-Dec-17 17:35:26

6 weeks in here. House is up for sale. Neither of us can afford to move until its sold.

Seperate bedrooms though. Its very up and down. We barely talk and then every so often, he gets angry with me about some perceived slight.

I am not going to rise to it. I go out when its his nights with the kids. But he stays in all the time. I can never have a quite night in. I hate it. But cant see a way round it.

onlyjustaboutnearly Fri 01-Dec-17 21:23:30

Glad to know I'm not alone in this. It's just really sad and miserable and it'll be better for everyone when we are truly separated. I want to take my rings off but at the same time I don't. Some people know (parents, a few friends) but the majority don't as yet

Olicity17 Sun 03-Dec-17 19:21:04

I moving on tuesday. I cant do it anymore. I am moving to mums home. My eldest is happy because ita near her friends and she says it has felt really akward in the house.

Its not ideal. But I cant live in the same house as him anymore

Anonagain2017 Sun 03-Dec-17 20:25:27

My sympathies. I did this with my ex but thankfully he moved out after a couple of month. Only because I can afford the mortgage on my own. The house is up for sale though. I reckon if he was still here we would have killed each other.
Could one of you not sleep on the couch? I know its not ideal but sharing a bed must be awful. Thankfully we had a spare room so that wasn't an issue.
I think you need ground rules if you're going to live together. Agree a share of looking after the children and try to give each other space. Easier said than done and it boils down to how amicable things are.

AnonAnon8 Mon 04-Dec-17 19:21:17

I'm about to embark on a similar situation. However, I have also done co-habited with an ex in the past. Last time for 3 months in my late 20's. It was hell and one of the worst experiences of my life

This time is different though, we have a house and am 18 month old together! Really hoping that this time will be different. Its just until the new year (hopefully). Although we only made the decision today so who knows. Currently sat drinking wine in a darkened room, trying to come to terms with my situation

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