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Tips on how to catch him out!!

(37 Posts)
Whoneedsaman Thu 30-Nov-17 21:36:12

I am currently married (not for long) to a cheating lying scumbag!! Since my last discovery of his infidelity he's been especially good at covering his tracks..... thanks to me giving him all the info he needed to do a better job next time. I told him where I looked! Instagram, Whatsapp, deleted photos, notes, I cloud, phone bill on line.
Now I am 99% sure he's up to his old tricks but I'm struggling to get evidence. Does anyone have any advice on where else to look to catch him out?? I want the evidence for my own sanity and to aid divorce proceedings.

AnyFucker Thu 30-Nov-17 21:38:22

Why bother ?

Use your energy to get out with the best advantage to yourself

Playing "chase me" games is demeaning

whirlygirly Thu 30-Nov-17 21:39:33

Having evidence did nothing for my divorce proceedings. He actually filed against me citing my unreasonable behaviour.

Start thinking about getting out, not even

Wolfiefan Thu 30-Nov-17 21:40:39

Yep. Spend your time and energy arranging the split and sorting a better life for you.

madwoman1ntheatt1c Thu 30-Nov-17 21:43:17

Another vote for erm, why? It all sounds a bit demeaning. Keep your dignity and just get rid. You don't need evidence. You don't need a reason. If you aren't happy, just walk. You'll drive yourself crazy, and it really won't help if/ when you find what you're looking for. It will just add a new swirl of adrenaline to the mix. Just leave and take responsibility for your own decision. Put yourself in control, not him.

magoria Thu 30-Nov-17 21:47:15

You already know he has cheated.

What more do you need?

CrazyHairSister Thu 30-Nov-17 21:47:58

Agree with everyone, better to leave him cos he is a tosser and you will be happier without him than to use energy spying to leave him cos he is a cheat.

And I say that as someone who did the spying, catching out etc etc, just made me seem crazy.

anyoldname76 Thu 30-Nov-17 21:50:57

why bother? just end it, if hes cheated before surely thats all the evidence you need

category12 Thu 30-Nov-17 21:53:31

It'll make zero difference to the divorce settlement (in the UK anyway): you're wasting your energy. If it's less than 6 months since you last discovered infidelity on his part, then divorce him for adultery (you don't need names or to cite a co-respondent). If it's over 6 months, divorce him for unreasonable behaviour (you can include infidelity amongst your reasons). If you can't think of enough unreasonable behaviour, separate and wait a couple of years.

But stop running around chasing his deceptions, it's a huuuuge waste of your emotions and energy.

Hassled Thu 30-Nov-17 21:53:46

Fannying around with evidence is just delaying the inevitable. And I can understand why you might want a stalling tactic - this is a hell of a tough decision to make - but it really is just a stalling tactic.

troodiedoo Thu 30-Nov-17 21:58:08

The best post I ever read on here0was a woman who found out her h was cheating, she just ended it. No confrontation, no chance to hear his bullshit excuses. She just moved on with her life. Classy af.

user21 Thu 30-Nov-17 22:40:10

Location on phone ?
Battery usage over past 7 days?
Recent emojis used?
Search bar using key words?

BlokeHereInPeace Fri 01-Dec-17 00:21:54

Seriously, why are you bothering?

Disquieted1 Fri 01-Dec-17 00:57:32

He will have a brand new unregistered non-contract mobile phone, a burner. You'll never trace it, however he will need to top it up.
The credit card statements will have a payment reference. Query the payment and you'll find out which number has been topped up. Gotcha!

Or you could just invest your energies into your future.

TheNaze73 Fri 01-Dec-17 07:43:26

Why are you bothering??

What a waste of your precious time

Whoneedsaman Fri 01-Dec-17 07:57:54

Thanks everyone, very wise words indeed! Just wish it was as easy to do, I guess it is a stalling tactic! Thanks for the info on divorce category. I wasn't aware it didn't make any difference. It'll be 6 mths since the discovery in Jan '18. So I can't divorce for infidelity/inappropriate relationship after 6 mths since the discovery??? Shit! Maybe I do need more evidence to buy me another 6 mths? Are there any other ways around it rather than unreasonable behaviour or waiting 2 yrs? (he's acting whiter than white, I can't dredge up enough unreasonable behaviour, apart from lying, cheating, deceiving etc during the affair).

category12 Fri 01-Dec-17 08:03:47

File now. You can start the process. Or you can leave the relationship now and it would still count.

If you stay in the relationship over 6 months after, you can't cite adultery. But if you end the relationship within the 6 months, you can.

If you're not ready to leave the relationship, that's fine, but stay because you want to, or because you're afraid to leave, not to get more evidence. Do you know how lunatic that sounds?

Whoneedsaman Fri 01-Dec-17 08:04:33

User21 recently used emojis on I pad (can't get anywhere near his phone and he's changed the password) ........ drum roll...... big red love heart as no1 most frequently used!! Followed by a purple love heart, a group of love hearts, a smiley face with love heart eyes and a face blowing a kiss!!

A separate issue completely but very linked,,,, how do I tell DD???

marl Fri 01-Dec-17 08:06:32

Sorry you are experiencing this. I agree with the suggestions above and on that basis use your energies in getting copies of all his paperwork, pension, income and so on before he realises you are going. This is not for reasons for fleecing anyone but it just means you are in a strong position of knowledge if he starts being equally sneaky about the split. I did this, made my plan and saw a solicitor before making it clear that it was over. I think, keep your cards close to your chest, as he has done. And look to building your new and better life.

category12 Fri 01-Dec-17 08:06:47

What I mean is, if your relationship ends within 6 months of discovery of adultery, you can cite it even if you don't actually start the divorce for ages after. As long as you're out of the relationship.

If you stay together beyond that, you can't cite it.

Whoneedsaman Fri 01-Dec-17 08:07:17

Thanks for the advice category we separated a few months ago but are living in the same house until it sells, DD unaware at the mo. I don't have anything to say we separated though. I'm guessing he could deny we did, to make life awkward!!

category12 Fri 01-Dec-17 08:10:16

Make the separation legal.

He's unlikely to contest the divorce anyway, isn't he?

It won't matter in the long run what the legal reasons for it are, anyway.

user21 Fri 01-Dec-17 08:11:06

Ok. So not proof but gives you an idea.

There is a way, I can’t remember but google will, that you can reset the emojis to default. Photo those with your phone and then keep an eye out for any change.

Whoneedsaman Fri 01-Dec-17 09:13:57

He doesn't want a divorce!! WTF! So he may contest!!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 01-Dec-17 09:58:44

But you can still move out even if he does contest... just leave the scumbag and get on with your life (and your DD's).

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