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Domestic violence, plea for help

(19 Posts)
LP99 Thu 30-Nov-17 21:28:53

Hi, I'm writing on behalf of a friend who is very much in need. Her husband beat her recently, in front of their children and the police were called to intervene. Although this isn't the first time that this happened she said she didn't want to press charges. Our understanding is that she is concerned to 'cause trouble' and force the children into an upbringing without a father. At this point I will mention that she is from overseas and doesn't speak fluent English, just enough to get by. The house is owned by her husband and he has taken her money, he is a very controlling man by all accounts (we have not met him). The marriage is all above board and she is here on a spousal visa. The police said that they cannot contact each other for a week and the husband, vile man that he is, has turfed her and the children from the house. The council, etc. have been little help, they offered to put up the children and told her to fend for herself. We couldn't see them in such a predicament so have taken them in even though we don't know them that well. We are happy to do this for as long as it takes but of course want her to get her life together again. We just don't know how to move this forward as she seems to be entitled to nothing. It's so very sad, can anyone give some practical advice ? Thanking you in advance. LP

madwoman1ntheatt1c Thu 30-Nov-17 21:32:25

Women's Aid.

LP99 Thu 30-Nov-17 22:11:16

Thank you. My partner rang Women's Aid yesterday but unfortunately they could offer no help as the lady has no 'housing benefit'. Not sure if that is an expected typical response ?!

Patchouli666 Thu 30-Nov-17 22:15:37

No it's my understanding that they help women in need in desperate times. Maybe if you called, they might think it's the hubby trying to find out stuff? You are amazing for taking her and the kids in. V

LP99 Thu 30-Nov-17 22:24:17

Thanks Patchouli666. We thought the same as you but it doesn't seem quite that easy, I guess the sad truth of it is that there are many demands on such charities and services. I'm sure you would do the same smile LP99

glitterfarts Thu 30-Nov-17 22:27:39

I think you should gently point out that whilst she doesn't want the kids to grow up without a father, if she stays - they might grow up without a mother! There will be no end to the domestic violence - it will get worse until he kills her.
She NEEDS to press charges.
She needs this domestic violence documented in case next time, and there will be a next time, it's the kids he beats.

I agree, that you or she should call Womens Aid. And go back to the police. Depending on where she is from originally, she could actually be very scared of the police.

category12 Thu 30-Nov-17 22:34:42

Speak to Shelter, CAB, women's groups from her community, the council again about benefits and housing (not sure what effect her immigration status might have), local MP.

MrsSquiggler Thu 30-Nov-17 22:51:44

Those on a spousal visa normally have a condition that they are not able to access public funds e.g. housing benefit. However where the relationship has broken down due to domestic violence the partner can apply for indefinite leave to remain on that basis and while their application is being considered they can also apply for a concession which allows them to claim public funds (benefits).

I would hope that Womans Aid could help her with this but if not they should at least refer her to another organisation which can.

LP99 Thu 30-Nov-17 23:01:22

Thanks guys.

I can't disagree, he is going to do this again unless there is admission of a problem and mental help (anger management, etc.) is sought. I can't see the man doing this though.

We really appreciate you taking the time to give this advice, you are certainly very knowledgeable.

Calling Shelter sounds like a very worthwhile course of action so we will give that a good go and see what it leads to.

Thanks also for the links to the Government application forms, we now have some options to make some positive headway.



newdaylight Fri 01-Dec-17 03:26:15

Police can press charges even if she does not want them to now, but they would need good evidence. Was she injured?

They should have informed social services, who should be helpful in encouraging her to seek help from the right sources. Really they should have got her on a refugee. Sounds liked that's not all happened. Have social services been in touch? Contact them if not.

Search for a way of contacting your local IDVAs (independent domestic violence advocates). They might be able to pull some strings about accommodation and support

newdaylight Fri 01-Dec-17 03:27:34

Refuge, not refugee

MrsBertBibby Fri 01-Dec-17 07:35:13

She needs to see a solicitor about getting a non molestation and occupation order so she and kids are in the house and he is out.

She can get legal aid despite immigration status.

She thdn needs to decide if she wants to stay here or take her kids back to her country of origin and see an immigration lawyer or apply for leave to remove the kids as approriate.

MrsBertBibby Fri 01-Dec-17 07:35:53

Also has se applies to CMS for child support from him yet?

newdaylight Fri 01-Dec-17 08:14:34

She's unlikely to do that yet because she doesn't currently want to separate from him according to the OP

Squaffle Fri 01-Dec-17 08:19:39

I used to work for Women’s Aid and they absolutely will take a woman who has no recourse to public funds. Good luck to you all and what a lovely thing you are doing for her x

Iamok0303 Fri 01-Dec-17 08:25:46

Contact your local woman’s aid, you can find them on their website.

Frozengeranium Fri 01-Dec-17 08:27:07

I’d try social services. Honestly, those children are homeless and witnessing domestic violence, they need a referral and the Mum needs support which they should also provide. They should assist the Mum to be a better parent and keep her children safe. That’s what they are for (in part).

BertieBotts Fri 01-Dec-17 08:42:18

You mentioned that she is from overseas. These organisations specialise in helping (mostly Asian) women from overseas or minority cultures with issues of DV, perhaps one of them would be helpful.

In London:

Shakti in Scotland (for any immigrant women) or Hemat Gryffe (Asian)

North of England: (Any nationality)

Midlands: (Muslim Women's Helpline)

There may be more, if none are local try googling the local area + Asian women's services.

MrsBertBibby Fri 01-Dec-17 08:58:32

She's unlikely to do that yet because she doesn't currently want to separate from him according to the OP

According to the OP he has ejected her and the children so like it or not they are currently separated.

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