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17 year old dating a 21 year old. Does this sound weird?

(74 Posts)
AlyTab Thu 30-Nov-17 14:46:23

Hi my sister turned 17 in December, and she is currently seeing a guy who turned 21 a few weeks ago. I have no problems with it at all, neither does anyone else I talk to, but his mum is really upset about the age gap and my sister gets very upset about this. It's only 4 years after all, and of course they are both consenting. She is very mature for her age too.

Any advice I can give to my sister? I really don't want her to be upset but I'm not sure how to make her feel better.

TheQueenOfWands Thu 30-Nov-17 14:48:19

It's fine.

Your mum needs to wind her neck or she'll push your sister away.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Thu 30-Nov-17 14:49:50

Nope, perfectly average age gap when I was growing up - girls are more mature than boys at that age anyway.

Jedbartletforpresident Thu 30-Nov-17 14:50:44

Totally depends on the situation and the people involved. If she turned 17 last Dec though and he has just turned 21 then there's really only a 3 year gap.

I was 18 when I got together with DH and he was 23. 20 years later we are happily married with 4 DC and our marriage is stronger than ever.

I was quite mature and sensible for my age I guess boring and old before my time and we knew each other as friends first. We also had a wide group of mutual friends which I think makes a difference because it wasn't all this intense "just us" stuff all the time - we were regularly out with friends in a group too

fairylightseverywhere Thu 30-Nov-17 14:51:39

Not weird, would consider this a totally normal age gap by age 17.

MikeUniformMike Thu 30-Nov-17 14:52:19

It's fine but 18 and 14 would be a bit worrying.

metalmum15 Thu 30-Nov-17 14:53:41

When I was 17 I usually went out with men who were 20ish or older as they were always more mature than boys my age.

stopbeingadramallama Thu 30-Nov-17 14:55:08

So she's nearly 18?
Absolutely no problem.

Threeislikeaprisonsentance Thu 30-Nov-17 14:56:55

I met DP when I was 16 and he was 20, still going strong! Nothing wrong with it, hadn’t even occurred to me that there would be!

RhinestoneCowgirl Thu 30-Nov-17 14:56:58

I went out with a 21 yr old student when I was 16 (nearly 17). Don't think it's an issue. The main attraction was that he had his own car blush

Oblomov17 Thu 30-Nov-17 14:57:16

No problem at all. I too was always attracted to older men because I too like pp was mature and old before my time.

AlyTab Thu 30-Nov-17 14:58:51

Our mum is fine with it too, I meant HIS mum

BillywigSting Thu 30-Nov-17 14:59:34

Seems fine to me but then dp and I were 16 and 20 when we met.

11 years 1dc and a house later we're still going strong

AlyTab Thu 30-Nov-17 15:01:32

Goodness my mistake, she turned 17 at the start of September. My phone doesn't seem to register that as a word 🙄

hellsbellsmelons Thu 30-Nov-17 16:20:36

This seems fine.
Men mature far slower then women and that age gap should alleviate that.
17 YO boys of her own age will be pretty immature.
Tell her to ignore his judgey mum and just get on with being happy for now.

PNGirl Thu 30-Nov-17 16:30:58

I don't understand. What is his mum's issue? Your sister is over 16.

As the parent of the older one it sounds like she is using it as an excuse to dislike your sister!

Babyblues052 Thu 30-Nov-17 16:36:35

Totally fine. I always remember being told the ideal age gap between men and woman is 5 years. As in the msn 5 years older due to girls maturing earlier. Not sure how true it is but 17 21 is grand.

Dahlietta Thu 30-Nov-17 16:55:53

I would think it's absolutely fine. Does your sister know specifically what is bothering his mum? Is he, for example, a university graduate and she doesn't like that he is dating a schoolgirl? Maybe if they can find out exactly what's worrying her, they will find it easier to put her mind at rest.

RidingWindhorses Thu 30-Nov-17 16:59:55

I can understand his mum's concerns because he is an adult and she is not yet. But it may just mean that his mum is thoughtful and responsible rather than interfering. As things progress she may well come round.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Thu 30-Nov-17 17:02:37

At 17 I was going out with a 30 year old. We were together for over 2 years and while he turned out to be an abusive overbearing bastard, to be fair I don't think that was due to his age, I think he is just a prick at whatever age.

DownstairsMixUp Thu 30-Nov-17 17:15:44

I think it's just about ok... 23 i would start thinking it's weird.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon Thu 30-Nov-17 17:19:22

I was 17 when I got with DP who was 25. 13years later and we are still together.
Age gap relationships work. The gap is only really noticeable at this age because the 21yr old may want to go to a pub that the 17yr ole either won’t get into or won’t be able to drink in. Not really a massive problem though

Ttbb Thu 30-Nov-17 17:21:29

No. I would be more co cerbed about what kind of person he is than his age.

Mayhemmumma Thu 30-Nov-17 17:23:17

I met my DH at 17 when he was 21.

mindutopia Thu 30-Nov-17 17:55:00

His mum just sounds like a bit of a control freak. I think she probably just needs to give it time and get to know (crazy) mum a bit better so she warms to her a bit, but also it's a good lesson in just letting things not get to her too much. Unfortunately, it probably won't be the last time she encounters someone like that in a partner's family, so probably good practice for the future! When I was 15, I had a 21 year old bf. In retrospect, that's probably a bit weird and I wouldn't be comfortable if my dd had a 21 year old bf at that age. But to be fair, I was really mature and responsible (we dated for 3 years and only had sex when I was 18, I wanted to wait and he respected that), but still.

On the other hand, my dh is 6.5 years younger than me, so when I was 21, he would have been just turning 15. That is actually pretty weird! But anyway, in your sister's situation, no don't think it's strange, but is a bit odd that his mum is so freaked out. But I think she just has to ignore it and give her time to come around.

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