Hi my sister turned 17 in December, and she is currently seeing a guy who turned 21 a few weeks ago. I have no problems with it at all, neither does anyone else I talk to, but his mum is really upset about the age gap and my sister gets very upset about this. It's only 4 years after all, and of course they are both consenting. She is very mature for her age too.
Any advice I can give to my sister? I really don't want her to be upset but I'm not sure how to make her feel better.
Totally depends on the situation and the people involved. If she turned 17 last Dec though and he has just turned 21 then there's really only a 3 year gap.
I was 18 when I got together with DH and he was 23. 20 years later we are happily married with 4 DC and our marriage is stronger than ever.
I was quite mature and sensible for my age I guess boring and old before my time and we knew each other as friends first. We also had a wide group of mutual friends which I think makes a difference because it wasn't all this intense "just us" stuff all the time - we were regularly out with friends in a group too
This seems fine. Men mature far slower then women and that age gap should alleviate that. 17 YO boys of her own age will be pretty immature. Tell her to ignore his judgey mum and just get on with being happy for now.
I would think it's absolutely fine. Does your sister know specifically what is bothering his mum? Is he, for example, a university graduate and she doesn't like that he is dating a schoolgirl? Maybe if they can find out exactly what's worrying her, they will find it easier to put her mind at rest.
I can understand his mum's concerns because he is an adult and she is not yet. But it may just mean that his mum is thoughtful and responsible rather than interfering. As things progress she may well come round.
At 17 I was going out with a 30 year old. We were together for over 2 years and while he turned out to be an abusive overbearing bastard, to be fair I don't think that was due to his age, I think he is just a prick at whatever age.
I was 17 when I got with DP who was 25. 13years later and we are still together. Age gap relationships work. The gap is only really noticeable at this age because the 21yr old may want to go to a pub that the 17yr ole either won’t get into or won’t be able to drink in. Not really a massive problem though
His mum just sounds like a bit of a control freak. I think she probably just needs to give it time and get to know (crazy) mum a bit better so she warms to her a bit, but also it's a good lesson in just letting things not get to her too much. Unfortunately, it probably won't be the last time she encounters someone like that in a partner's family, so probably good practice for the future! When I was 15, I had a 21 year old bf. In retrospect, that's probably a bit weird and I wouldn't be comfortable if my dd had a 21 year old bf at that age. But to be fair, I was really mature and responsible (we dated for 3 years and only had sex when I was 18, I wanted to wait and he respected that), but still.
On the other hand, my dh is 6.5 years younger than me, so when I was 21, he would have been just turning 15. That is actually pretty weird! But anyway, in your sister's situation, no don't think it's strange, but is a bit odd that his mum is so freaked out. But I think she just has to ignore it and give her time to come around.