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No Body confidence

(13 Posts)
Anonagain2017 Thu 30-Nov-17 14:42:50

So I came out of a long 17 year relationship about 8 months ago. Although I'm no in any major rush to meet anyone, i have massive hang-ups about my body which is actually putting me off meeting anyone.
I've been very lucky to be naturally slim and I do work out so I don't look too bad.
However (and massive apologies for too much information), after having 2 kids, I'm a bit self-conscious about a certain part of my body (without spelling it out). Is this normal? Do men even care? I don't think I could face having s*x because of it. I'm not even sure its that bad but totally different to pre-children days :-(

hellsbellsmelons Thu 30-Nov-17 16:22:57

Just aim for guys your age and they will have seen it all before.
Their Ex's probably had kids so they've seen the changes.
It's hard, but please try not to worry about it too much.
You are in good shape.
Get out there and face your fears. You'll be surprised how quickly you overcome it when you get going.

RidingWindhorses Thu 30-Nov-17 17:09:01

Anxiety can easily fixate on one part of your body. The anxiety is probably much about dating again after so long and being 'acceptable' to men other than your ex. These are entirely natural and men who've been out of the dating game for a long time for the same reason, have comparable fears.

RatherBeRiding Thu 30-Nov-17 17:11:56

Men don't care. Anyone who clicks with you enough to date is going to have an idea of your shape before you take your clothes off, and any man who has an ex who's had children will be well aware of how women's bodies change. And honestly if he gets to the stage of getting naked and sexual with you he'll have other things on his mind!

Anonagain2017 Fri 01-Dec-17 14:16:49

Thanks, I know you're all right. #RidingWindHorses I think you've hit the nail on the head. I couldn't have cared less with my ex but now I seem to have this ridiculous idea I need to look a certain way (how I used to).
I just need to get stuck in I think........

User888881 Fri 01-Dec-17 16:08:46

I am a bloke. Wouldn't care in the slightest. You are worrying about nothing. When it gets to that stage the man is thinking about his own equipment working properly not what yours looks like!

pudding21 Fri 01-Dec-17 16:35:39

I wouldn't worry about it, like the others have said but if you want to do some "toning" have a look at ben wa balls or kegal balls.

roverman75 Fri 01-Dec-17 17:05:08

Single bloke here as well 100%agree with *user888881 we know dating mums that you're not going to be the same as before kids , personally I find the changes sexy !

FluffyFerrets Sat 02-Dec-17 00:12:22

I've felt like you OP when I was getting back into the dating game after a long relationship and DC.
I'm not overweight, in fairly good shape too but my 3 giant offspring absolutely ruined my stomach muscles and my pelvic floor luckily no complete ruining of my fadge smile
I think I know which 'parts' you speak of ;) If correct, believe me when I say, once naked men are not interested in aesthetics whatsoever smile
To the PP who mentioned Ben wa or Kegel balls .... doing kettle bells is way better for training and tightening muscles there ime.
Stop worrying OP

CoyoteCafe Sat 02-Dec-17 02:10:28

I went to an event by an OB/ GYN for “mature women” and one of the things she did was show pictures of different Women’s ..... area ... after having kids. It was fascinating and very reassuring.

You are normal. And men still like it and want it.

CoyoteCafe Sat 02-Dec-17 02:11:22

Also, Pilates is great for the pelvic floor as well as core muscles.

Anonagain2017 Sun 03-Dec-17 20:29:56

Thanks so much for the replies (especially the men), this has made me feel better. I know men will have their own hang ups.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sun 03-Dec-17 23:34:49

Just wear a massive merkin. That'll hide whatever it is you're self conscious about wink

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