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Need to rant about DH! forgetting to pick up DC

(9 Posts)
Carminia Wed 29-Nov-17 20:52:43

I need to rant, and hear what people have to say.
I just went back to work, after a long break -forced over health and stress issues- . I am only one day at the office and the rest from home. This week I changed my day in the office, so my DH could go on a weekend trip.
Last night he had a do at work, told me he was coming early , or at least by 8.30 to see DC in bed, as he had his weekend away...
He came late, he did not make this explicit... I would not have minded if he did.
Then today, woke up late... was hus turn to take DC to breakfast club early and was so late that I had to tell him to stop stressing our son to hurry up and just to take him to school, as it was not DS fault.
And then he got confused and did not pick up from school ...
his confusion was due to my DC doing clubs , etc other days.
I am fuming. I told him and he said sorry ... but still fuming as we spoke of how important was for me to get support without having to worry, if I was to go back to work. Specially after all I have been thru ...

inlectorecumbit Wed 29-Nov-17 23:18:44

It's just not good enough but then you know that.
he has to shape up, get his head out his arse and start thinking about his family instead of himself. This behaviour will not be helping your mental health.

Elastoplaster Thu 30-Nov-17 06:54:45

I'm torn about this; I can see that it would have been tough for you and the lack of apparent awareness of significance of getting it right by your DH seems puzzling. My partner switched jobs a couple of years back and I took over routine of getting child up, ready and taken to school every day with no problem. On the other hand a couple of weeks ago I completely forgot to come home early one day for child care cover because it was a one off and I just lost it! We get into routines and ruts. Maybe you just needed to rant but have it out with him - don't bottle up!

Mumteedum Thu 30-Nov-17 07:05:50

I'm a lone parent. I have never forgotten any pick up or drop off because I know there's no one else.

I'm not sure how you address this as it's a shift in mindset needed. He needs to step up and take the mental load so he's not relying on being told and reminded what his family responsibilities are.

Quartz2208 Thu 30-Nov-17 07:10:46

It’s all about him isn’t it doing what he wants

How did he react to forgetting

I agree re mental load did that add to your stress issues

KhalliWali Thu 30-Nov-17 07:17:53

The situation is new for him as well, so I would give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure he won't do it again. Make up a timetable and stick it somewhere prominent (like on the back of the front door) so that everyone knows what they're doing each day.

Carminia Thu 30-Nov-17 07:51:25

Thank you all. We had a good chat, I opened to him to the fact that it has not been easy for me to fo back to work. That even if I look ok, inside me has been a battle to push myself to go back as my head is still worried to go throuh it all over again. To be fair he was extremely supportive while I was unwell, maybe we both bottled it up and did not speak to each other but it must have been hard for him as well to cope with me not able to do much during that time.
Anyway, we spoke and he acknowledged and said he did not realise how much pressure has putting into me, so we have a shared calendar on our phones now where we will use so hopefully no confusions.
Thank you again

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 30-Nov-17 08:01:10

I hope I am wrong here but I do not think a shared calendar on each phone is going to solve these problems going forward.

He should be more responsible in any case (and he can be that when he wants to because he certainly was on time for this works do and his weekend away). I do wonder whether he actually cares enough about his own family unit. He may well have seen taking his child to breakfast club as not "important" enough a task to carry out; he may well still see this as your role. Showing incompetence in what could be see as mundane tasks can be deliberate.

scottishdiem Thu 30-Nov-17 10:28:08

"I do wonder whether he actually cares enough about his own family unit."

Well he seems to have a role caring for his wife as well as the children. Of course, that is hardly every recognised here - that men can and do step up when needed.

If he has never got it wrong before then I worry about OPs reaction. Fuming at one mistake? I do hope that OP walks on water and never gets things wrong. After all OP has gone through a lot and that was not allowed to affect her husband.....

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