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How bad is what he did?

(113 Posts)
chipsky Wed 29-Nov-17 20:41:25

My BF of six years just got back from a boys trip to Amsterdam. I had no problem with him going as I trusted him. Even though at the beginning of our relationship he did cheat, and we broke up, eventually got back together, and a long time after, I learned to trust him again.
Anyway, he gets back form Amsterdam, and he tells me that his friends were calling him "the grandfather" as he was the most sensible one. This got to him one night, and he admitted to me that his friends went to visit prostitutes, and to impress them he also paid for one and went to her room. He told me that nothing happened, that he just went in, hung up his coat, sat on the bed, talked to her for a minute, and then she made him leave when she realised nothing was going to happen. He's happy for his friends to believe that he slept with her.
I just think that the whole situation is extremely messed up. Firstly, I can't believe that he would set foot in one of those places, I also can't believe that he can act so disrespectful to me around his friends. And finally, I can't believe that his friends encourage him to cheat on me (He said they were pushing him to do it), and that they now believe that he does so. Also, I'll never know what happened in that room, but for some reason I do believe him, as he really had no reason (that I know of) to tell me.
What do you guys think? Am I just being extremely naive?

Brandbrandbrandy Wed 29-Nov-17 20:43:16

I’m really sorry OP but yes, I think you are naive to believe what he says here.

PickAChew Wed 29-Nov-17 20:43:59

You can't have a healthy, emotionally fulfilling relationship, where there is no trust.

AnyFucker Wed 29-Nov-17 20:44:27

Why are you still in a relationship with this prick ?

YouCantArgueWithStupid Wed 29-Nov-17 20:44:59

Yeah and I went to the bakery and just sniffed the cakes hmm

Sarahh2014 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:47:35

He's probably giving you 3/4 of the tale so it seems plausible.It's possible that he's telling the truth but unlikely in my opinion

AnyFucker Wed 29-Nov-17 20:47:50

He has told you this fiction of paying a prostitute to sit and look at the wallpaper so he has it covered if it gets back to you that he visited one

Don't be a mug

MissBax Wed 29-Nov-17 20:47:51

Yeah and I went to the bakery and just sniffed the cakes

Ha!!! Sorry OP, but that really tickled me.

In answer to your question though OP, I think you're being naive. Sorry sad

thistimeweall Wed 29-Nov-17 20:48:06

Prick is right.

Justmuddlingalong Wed 29-Nov-17 20:48:24

He's telling you he went in case you hear it from someone else.

uncoolnn Wed 29-Nov-17 20:49:43

Really sorry OP but I wouldn't believe that for a second.

NoNamesLeft86 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:50:06

He has told you that so that if the truth ever got back to you he is covered.
Once a cheat, always a cheat. Sorry

Namethecat Wed 29-Nov-17 20:50:41

Don't quote me but I'm sure a prostitute would be more than happy to spend the time chatting and would not throw a man out for not having sex.

Jamiek80 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:50:58

I’ll put a male perspective that in a group things get out of hand really quick. The real question is do you trust him if you do it’s possible that he’s telling the truth, one thing to go off with a prostitute when surrounded by mates quite another to do the deed when on your own, if you don’t trust him why are you together?

Mooncuplanding Wed 29-Nov-17 20:51:27

The best possible case here is he's more thab happy for his friends to believe he's a dirty punter

Whichever way round you look at this or try to explain it.....ewwww

VitriolicMuse Wed 29-Nov-17 20:53:42

I’m sorry but if my husband told me this story I would have told him to f*ck off back to his mothers.

GertrudeCB Wed 29-Nov-17 20:53:49

Erm, you do realise that his explanation is a crock of shit, right ?

Ellisandra Wed 29-Nov-17 20:53:58

Load of utter bollocks.
He fucked her and it's damage limitation.
Getting in his utterly shite story first.

You know that she wouldn't have chucked him out, right? She was paid for her time.

If he didn't want to have sex she'd simply have been glad of the bloody rest!

So even apart from the fact it's utter bullshit that's a big glaring lie there.

But <sigh> let's pretend he's telling the truth. So - dump him for having a shitty attitude to women, or for being easily led, or for wanting to pretend to his mates despite what that meaning for you, or for choosing really fucking awful mates.

There's plenty of reasons to tell him to just fuck off.

I'm sorry this arsehole has put you through this.

He clearly cheats - I'm sorry but you need an STI check sad

ThePinkOcelot Wed 29-Nov-17 20:54:02

I don’t believe him! Neither should you!

Babyblues052 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:54:09

I doubt his friends had to push him that hard! He's cheated before, I highly doubt he went into a room with a woman who was 100% a sure thing to have sex with him and say and talked to her! That's laughable.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 29-Nov-17 20:54:17

You got back with him after he cheated and a long time after, I learned to trust him again. Oh dear lord listen to yourself. He cheated and a long time after you managed to successfully stuff down the little voice inside you that said don't trust the cheater. Should have listened to that little voice. It was right.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 29-Nov-17 20:54:34

Yeah and I went to the bakery and just sniffed the cakes

Did he go to the Heineken Brewery and have a diet coke as well?

Pull the other one.

Insomnibrat Wed 29-Nov-17 20:54:58

I agree with every other poster who has said he's laying the groundwork in case details leak back to you.

It's a recognised psychological technique to only part admit to the 'crime'. It's minimising. Ugh.

PizzaPizzaPizza Wed 29-Nov-17 20:55:54

If my partner told me this I’d LTB. There’s a high chance he’s telling you what he wants you to believe, not what happened.

Sorry OP flowers

saltandvinegarcrisps1 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:56:00

I can at a stretch believe he didn't do anything but I couldn't get over him being happy for his mates (and everyone they tell the "hilarious" story to angry) taking me for a mug

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