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Bf staying over when dc are in bed, would you?

(62 Posts)
CandiedPeach Wed 29-Nov-17 20:25:11

Only been seeing each other a few months (I’ve known him longer) and we are taking things slow. Absolutely no plans for him to meet dd or anything.

We only really get to see each one night a week, when dd is with her Dad. But I’m currently sat home alone, and wondering if it would be so bad to invite him round when dd is in bed. She sleeps through and rationally I can’t think of any reason why not, but I can’t help feeling it’s a bit..... (can’t quite think of a word to describe it).

And if I did would I/should I tell dd’s Dad? We have an agreement we’d speak to the other before introducing anyone to her, but he wouldn’t be actually seeing her at all.

Poisongirl81 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:25:48

Yes that would be fine don't worry !

Pringlemunchers Wed 29-Nov-17 20:27:35

How old is she ? What would you say if she comes in your room? What about the morning?

CandiedPeach Wed 29-Nov-17 20:36:56

She’s only one, still sleeps in a cot and I have the monitor on, so no chance of her coming in. She tends to sleep 7/7.30-6.30/7 unless I need to wake her earlier. I’d thought he could either go home later in the night or get up early and leave before she wakes.

I think it’s probably that I’m struggling with, it’s all a bit sneaky!

CandiedPeach Wed 29-Nov-17 20:39:47

I haven’t mentioned anything to him yet and he’s never suggested it. Even when we’ve had busy weekends so not seen each other, so he might not even like the idea himself.

kaytee87 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:40:04

I'm sure it will be fine. Why don't you just start off with coming round to watch a movie first then build up to staying over if you feel funny about it.
Jealous that your 1yo reliably sleeps through every night envy

AnyFucker Wed 29-Nov-17 20:40:50

Just do it. Life is too short to feel guilty about stuff like this.

neveradullmoment99 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:47:00

I don't see any problem. Agree with you taking it slow. Invite for a meal and movie then progress yo staying over.

HouseworkIsAPain Wed 29-Nov-17 20:48:18

I think it’s fine - it’s not as if you’re introducing him to DDs life just yet. You’re not being sneaky, just pragmatic about holding down a relationship as a single parent

lunar1 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:49:16

If she's only one then there is no harm. It's not like she's going to come bounding into your room at 3am and start talking about the strange man in mummy's bed to all the neighbors!

1DAD2KIDS Wed 29-Nov-17 20:49:45

Yes why not, as long as your happy with it enjoy life.

As per your agreement with ex tell him of course because despite your best will they end up accidently meeting (had some close calls) and it's genrally in the positive spirt of openness of tgings that may (despite efforts) affect dd.

Smeaton Wed 29-Nov-17 20:51:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FergalBurgal Wed 29-Nov-17 20:54:38

This is how DD met now DH grin
She never, ever woke up in the night and I was sick of sitting at home on my own when he could've been there too.
Invited him round for dinner after she'd gone to bed and she woke up. First time ever and still doesn't now she's 8. Worked out well for us though.

bluejelly Wed 29-Nov-17 20:57:35

Totally fine, go for it

RaininSummer Wed 29-Nov-17 21:05:30

Reminds me of the episode of Two and a Half Men when the Ashton Kucher character had to cling to the door frame to avoid being seen in the morning.

Pringlemunchers Wed 29-Nov-17 21:05:39

Not sneaky, just practical. How would he feel about it?

CandiedPeach Wed 29-Nov-17 21:35:13

I am very lucky with her kaytee87 she loves her sleep. My mum constantly tells me how unfair it is, I didn’t sleep through until 4!

Thank you all, it’s a bit complicated this dating as a parent. I think I’ll mention it to my bf and see what he thinks and if he’s up for it, then I’ll speak to her dad.

Ha, that’s so typical FergalBurgal, glad it worked out so well for you.

CandiedPeach Thu 30-Nov-17 09:26:23

I spoke to my Bf last night about it and he said he’d been thinking about asking, but didn’t want to seem pushy if I wasn’t comfortable with it.
So just need to speak to my ex about it, I guess. No idea how to broach it with him though, do I just tell him or ask what he thinks confused. Don’t really want him to think he can say no, but don’t want him to think I’m not open to listening to his concerns. If that makes any sense at all!

TheNaze73 Thu 30-Nov-17 09:29:21

I don’t see why you need to consult with your ex, it has cock all to do with him.

I think you should go for it. Good luck flowers

chatty1234 Thu 30-Nov-17 09:46:23

I also don't think you need to speak to ex yet. Your child will be asleep and not meeting him that's down the line and then you can tell him. Enjoy it life too short

AnyFucker Thu 30-Nov-17 10:10:00

I don't understand what this has to do with your ex

Uokbing Thu 30-Nov-17 10:13:58

I don't understand what this has to do with your ex

I guess it's just about the possibility that his DD might meet a new person in Ops life and that it's polite to keep him in the loop about that. If it was the other way round OP might want to know too.

I think this all sounds very healthy, and if she is one, and will be asleep anyway then go for it! smile

CandiedPeach Thu 30-Nov-17 12:21:00

Me and my ex agreed we’d speak to the other if anyone was going to be around our dd. I’m a bit unsure if this counts as she will be sleeping. But thought it better to tell him than keep it from him, he knows I’m seeing someone and knows it’s currently only when he has dd.

I don’t know! I’m a bit of a worrier, where dd is concerned anyway.

Thebluedog Thu 30-Nov-17 16:43:41

I used to do this with 2 small DC. They both slept really well. Eventually he would sleep over and leave really early. We never really came close to being caught out by the DC. As yours is 1 they are highly unlikely to just waltz into the bedroom in the middle of the night.

I had that agreement with my ex initially but when it came down to it, neither of us stuck to it as you do grow apart and is really non of their business

Desmondo2016 Thu 30-Nov-17 17:28:27

Don't discuss this with ex. Really no need and is more likely to backfire and cause shit than be an amicable thing . It's fine. At 1, unless he's macca pacca I don't imagine she'll give a hoot.

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