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New bf said ex's name during sex

(31 Posts)
dribble90 Wed 29-Nov-17 18:57:07

Hello, I'm seeking so much needed advice as I feel too embarrassed to talk to friends about it.
I have been seeing my bf for three months. We both came out of long-term relationships back in June. We are very happy and are taking it slow.
One thing which has been playing on my mind is last week during sex by bf mumbled his ex's name before he climaxed. Either he didn't realise he said it or because he mumbled it thought I didn't hear so nothing was said about it.
Now i thinking did he say it? Should it matter? Should I say something to him?
Anyone got any advice?

Tinselistacky Wed 29-Nov-17 19:02:33

Me personally would ltb but plenty would give him the benefit of the doubt, slip of the tongue etc.

shivermytimbers Wed 29-Nov-17 19:07:24

I think you should record the title of your thread to "newly ex-boyfriend said ex's name during sex"
After such a short amount of time, he should be slinging his hook!

Annelind Wed 29-Nov-17 19:08:26

I would go ballistic! he's been with you for three months - yet calls out (or mumbles) his ex's name? Maybe he's imagining you are her while having sex with you? (ugh).

Leviticus Wed 29-Nov-17 19:10:57

I've randomly called DH by an assortment of names including ex bfs and current colleagues quite a few times. Not during sex - I'd be a bit disturbed if I uttered a colleague's name during sex... but if all else is good I'd just put it down to habit and not worry about it.

Brandyb Wed 29-Nov-17 19:13:02

I wouldn't chuck out a good new relationship on this basis. You've both been in LTRs and it has become second nature to him. If it happens again, mention it calmly when you are out of the bedroom.

nibora Wed 29-Nov-17 19:14:08

I don't think it's a big deal, if it happens again then have a word.

Shockers Wed 29-Nov-17 19:14:58

Give the poor guy a break. He probably realised straight away but thinks you didn’t hear.

I used to call my DH by my XH’s name frequently (although always when I was irritated). I’m glad he realised it was just a slip of the tongue because we’ve now been married for 20 years and have a wonderful family and life together.

To think he might have sacked me off for a momentary lapse is unthinkable!

elland Wed 29-Nov-17 19:15:44

Do you have similar sounding names? I had been split from my ex a good few months when I met current DP and I still found myself nearly saying ex's name, I think it was because they were both short 1 syllable names, granted it wasn't during sex!

TammySwansonTwo Wed 29-Nov-17 19:16:42

I'm not usually in disagreement with leaving over shitty behaviour, but I think this could very easily happen if you're recently out of a long term relationship. Doesn't mean he was even thinking of her, could just be the sheer number of times he's said her name during their relationship together (and I don't mean during sex, just generally). People aren't often at the height of mental clarity in the moments before orgasm.

I would definitely talk to him about it though - if it's as I suspect, he's probably mortified by a genuine error. What I would do next would depend on his reaction to you bringing it up.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 29-Nov-17 19:17:41

I did this. We've now been married 25 years. If it's a one off, don't sweat it, a genuine mistake. It means nothing, just habit.

Fellia Wed 29-Nov-17 19:18:26

I’d let it go this once. If it happens again I’d say something.

I’ve called my bf someone else’s name before, just a complete slip of the tongue which came out of habit - I was mortified but he laughed it off thankfully.

Nomoretears56 Wed 29-Nov-17 19:19:52

I've done this, I was so embarrassed but my now DH was understanding and said not to to worry, I'd come out of a 7 year relationship and it was was early days for us. If it happens again use the mouth that you were given and speak to him smile, but for now let it go.

Namethecat Wed 29-Nov-17 19:23:53

I've been with my oh for many years (10+) before that I was once married. It was more or less me that ended it and I barely think of him and have had no contact for many years. However, very,very occasionally I have called him by my ex name ( not during sex though ) I wouldn't worry if it remains a one off.

Justoneme Wed 29-Nov-17 19:26:05

I would be extremely upset by this ... I don't think I would be able to forgive this. What on earth was he thinking .... clearly about his ex. Not good.

userxx Wed 29-Nov-17 19:28:19

Next time call your ex's name and see how he likes it. Seriously thoug, it was a slip of the tongue, don't read too much into it.

Nomoretears56 Wed 29-Nov-17 19:29:54

Just one me, the last person I was thinking of on the gods green earth was the my ex, it was habit, nothing more nothing less. Give the guy a break

Justoneme Wed 29-Nov-17 19:39:44

No way...

Dippingmytoesin Wed 29-Nov-17 19:48:50

People call out names during sex?
Am I doing it wrong??

Thingsdogetbetter Wed 29-Nov-17 20:31:35

I have called new husband by ex's name a couple of times. In conversation etc. And he has done the same. I'm sure in the throws (sp) of passion it happens but would i accept it? No. Nope. No way. My partner is supposed to be focus on ME and our pleasure . Talk to him. Say if if ever happens again you will kick him out of bed and that will be it. habit be dammed. It's bloody rude.

DumbleDee Wed 29-Nov-17 22:24:29

I've done it. In my case it was totally about habit. Had been married 10 years. I ended the relationship. A couple years passed met someone new and a couple months in called him my exes name. I was mortified. It truly meant nothing. I was lucky he laughed it off

Migraleve Wed 29-Nov-17 22:30:02

This sort of thing wouldn't bother me tbh. I go through 3/4 names several times a day just trying to shout on the right kid.

Chippyway Wed 29-Nov-17 22:35:25

I’d be mortified if my partner called out my own name during sex let alone someone else’s!

I didn’t realise there were people who actually call out names whilst having sex

Flyinggeese Wed 29-Nov-17 23:12:37

Does he read too much bad chick lit? Hard to believe really.

Liz38 Sat 02-Dec-17 21:36:01

DM did it to DF on their honeymoon. I think he was a bit peeved but they've been married nearly 50 years so i think he got over it. I'm with the PP who said you're not always using all of your brain capacity at that point! Talk to him, see what he says, take it from there.

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