Tough love advice on healthy boundaries please

[TiniestTree]

I am suffering from social anxiety and through a bit of counselling and some self reflection I have come to realise that I am shit at making my boundaries clear to people.

I am quite friendly and caring by nature and don't like a take it or leave approach for myself. I know 'no!' is a complete sentence but i like to be more personable than just saying "no".

How can I calmly arrange my life to not yield to other people's will and want without sounding harsh.

I already know that I am too lenient at the beginning of friendships as I like to present myself in an open and warm way (suits my nature more than cool and detached). I believe that many people mistake my friendliness as weakness and feel free to boss me about.

I want to find my inner strength how do I go about this.

I fear that I will 'loose' people or annoy them and make them angry if I don't accommodate their preferences.

Oddly this is not at all how I was raised, my parents were supportive and respected my boundaries.

[TiniestTree]

People step over my boundaries as I am gentle which ends in failed friendships as people end up treating me like shit.

I am to all intends and purposes a 'successful' professional woman why am I so bloody meek and how can I deal with bossy boots in my life?

TIA

[category12]

Thing is, you might lose some people, or have some pushback. I think the important thing to realise is that it's OK, and if you do lose some of them it's because they want to use you, not because you're doing anything wrong. The decent ones will stick around.

[TiniestTree]

Thank you category12 . You are right. Sadly in my experience there are so many users out there or maybe I attract them because I am being friendly and warm which may be mistaken as weakness. I don't mean narcissists but people not considering other people's experiences and perspectives. Or am I being overly negative?

[greenberet]

I found this article pretty good www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201709/prodependence-moving-beyond-codependency?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost