Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Why am I doubting it

(25 Posts)
SB04x Fri 24-Nov-17 15:57:12

Been with my partner for over a year. Never had doubts before. Feel like we are just part of each others daily routine rather than making an effort to spend time together. Rarely given attention, bicker more than ever, don't feel good enough and sex life has plummeted. On top of that, got a slight crush on someone else which is making me doubt my relationship more. Is this because I feel insecure in my relationship and am getting attention elsewhere or because I have genuine feelings for someone else. Help!!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 24-Nov-17 17:12:47

Hi OP,

How old are you?

Do you live with your DP?

If it's only been a year and you're this unhappy already I'd say just end it and move it. It's not fair on either of you to just drift along waiting for someone better to come along.

SB04x Fri 24-Nov-17 17:32:48


I'm 20. And yes I do live with him.

It's so hard because I'm an over thinker too. Only the smallest thing has to come into my head and I will dwell on it for days. I've never had a relationship before. Is it supposed to be like this so soon?

BubblingUp Fri 24-Nov-17 17:37:58

Your relationship may have run its course. You are so young. Don't settle for this. Your life should be exciting carefree and full of hope and opportunity!

SB04x Fri 24-Nov-17 17:40:36

I love him though! We will bicker or barely converse when we are together say for 5 nights and on the 6th we will have a really good night, talking and messing about. How do you know when loving someone isn't enough

Kr1st1na Fri 24-Nov-17 17:41:55

Just end it. You are too young to settle down in my opinion .

And whatever you do , use reliable contraception from now on.

Kr1st1na Fri 24-Nov-17 17:47:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GottadoitGottadoit Fri 24-Nov-17 17:48:16

How do you know when loving someone isn't enough

Errr, when you're bickering most of the time.

SB04x Fri 24-Nov-17 17:53:17

My parents bicker 90% of the time and they've been together over 25 years 😂 Just saying how do you know when it's too much

PNGirl Fri 24-Nov-17 18:06:48

No, it isn't. I think you are a bit young to settle and I was 19 when I met DH.

PNGirl Fri 24-Nov-17 18:07:38

Are you happy more times than irritated or sad? The answer should be yes.

extinctspecies Fri 24-Nov-17 18:08:56

DH & I bicker a lot.

We've been happily married for 18 years.

SB04x Fri 24-Nov-17 18:09:44

Sometimes the negatives do outweigh the positives but then I think of everything we've done and everything I like about him and it changes my mind. Do I just see if I keep feeling like this

glow1984 Fri 24-Nov-17 18:10:23

How long have you been living together? Maybe you moved in together too soon, and this is the result. It does sound to me like maybe he isn’t The One, though. And you’re so young, don’t settle!

MyBrilliantDisguise Fri 24-Nov-17 18:10:29

You're 20 and he's your first boyfriend. You will probably have a few boyfriends before you settle down.

Think about what makes you happy. Being respected, having someone who's on the same wavelength, sharing a sense of humour, knowing they'll always have your back, not being moody, not being selfish... there are tons of criteria and frankly I don't think this person meets many of them!

End it now, end it nicely and raise your standards for the next man.

SB04x Fri 24-Nov-17 18:11:51

Honestly I think the answer is no. We don't do much other than work and watch tv. the happy times are amazing, but the bad times are more frequent

SB04x Fri 24-Nov-17 18:14:03

Another problem being we work in the same place.. I think my insecurities are a massive issue because I don't feel good enough. He doesn't do anything to make me feel like that but then again he doesn't really compliment me much or touch me or kiss me often

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Fri 24-Nov-17 18:14:18

My parents' endless bickering drove me nuts when I was growing up. I can remember listening to them downstairs while I was in bed - I went down and sobbed at the living room door begging them to stop. They did for a while but then it continued. I envied my friends' parents who got on with each other.
Please don't settle for this OP - you really can have a better relationship. Or you can just choose to stop bickering.

RagingFemininist Fri 24-Nov-17 18:21:02

Two things I would look at
- respect. As in do you treat him with respect and kindness and does he do the same towards you? Little things from does he propose you a cup of tea if he makes one for himself to the big ones.

- intimacy. Not sexual (even though if you hardly have sex at 20yo, I wouod be worried), but as in do you share you dreams for the future, your fears, you hopes? Do you have goals together (eg go and travel to xxx, go to Uni together, save for a house whatever your project is)? Do you REALLY know him?

Bickering is one thing. My parents are still bickering after 50 years together and they ARE happy together.
But they also hopes and projects, their fears and their anger (certainly not always at each other).
They are respectful towards each other, take decisions together etc....

IMO a re
A relationhsip where intimacy and respect have gone, is a dead relationship.

SB04x Fri 24-Nov-17 18:23:51

I've got a lot to think about clearly😋 Thankyou for your advice. Although I'm pretty sure I still don't have a clue what I'm going to do

LizzieMacQueen Fri 24-Nov-17 18:25:37

Having attention from A.N.Other has been the catalyst. I'd say your relationship with the live-in BF has run it's course.

SB04x Fri 24-Nov-17 18:37:12

It's hard trying to be rational because I always just think "but I love him" like that justifies everything. I don't think he would fight for me if it came to it

MyBrilliantDisguise Fri 24-Nov-17 20:21:09

Think of it this way.

You're on a dating site. You look at a profile - quite nice looking guy. He says about himself:

- I'll sleep with you at first but after a while I won't bother - don't complain about it, either.
- I'll kiss you at first but after a while I won't bother.
- If you need support, forget it. You're on your own.
- I won't give you much attention, but I'll watch the telly with you.
- I will bicker constantly, so just get used to it.

Would you think, "Oh my god, I have to meet this man!?"

Shashgo27 Fri 24-Nov-17 20:28:45

No one should settle down and spend every night with someone at 20. Waste of a life if you ask me. Should be out partying with your mates at that age not living with someone. Why rush ?

SB04x Fri 24-Nov-17 21:44:44

Very true. Thank you all for the advice. Really appreciate it.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: