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There's no rational explanation is there?

(79 Posts)
uncoolnn Thu 23-Nov-17 19:02:54

I'm hoping this makes sense as I'm just writing as things come into my head.

Me and DP have been together just over 12 months. All well and good until about a month ago when I started noticing small changes in his behaviour, e.g. secretive, evasive etc.

It's come to a head today as we've both been off work (we don't live together) and I suggested we do something today. He said no, that he wanted a day to himself as he gets no time to himself anymore. Ok, fair enough. All good.

However, call it sixth sense but something didn't add up. I asked what he was up to (not unusual as I do most days) and he said he was just chilling at home. I had a horrible sense he was lying to me so unbeknown to him I drove past his house. His car wasn't there.

I decided to call him. After much trying to wriggle out of it he eventually admitted he had gone to see a female friend. Now, I know this woman, I had never suspected anything before. However the fact he's lied about it suggests there's something to hide?

In my heart I know there's probably not another rational explanation but just wanted some impartial opinions. smile

Itsonkyme Thu 23-Nov-17 19:08:01

Not good.
He's been acting weird and now he's lied to see this woman.
100% he's "seeing" her!
You will be able to catch him out easily if you act nonchalant but with an inner ninja. He will become careless if he thinks you don't suspect.
Then dump him, preferably in front of her, when you confront him

Annelind Thu 23-Nov-17 19:10:51

However the fact he's lied about it suggests there's something to hide?

If it walks like a duck..... sad

uncoolnn Thu 23-Nov-17 19:11:58

Thank you for replying. I think I know what's going on but having other people think the same makes it clearer.

Even if he isn't cheating unlikely then he's still lied to me sad

Tinselistacky Thu 23-Nov-17 19:12:13

When he gets home check his pockets for condoms. ...

AnyFucker Thu 23-Nov-17 19:12:40

Just get rid

You don't trust him because he is a liar

Even if the "female friend" is just that he feels it's ok to evade and deceive

Not boyfriend material

uncoolnn Thu 23-Nov-17 19:13:31

@Tinselistacky grin

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 23-Nov-17 19:13:37

When you think about it, why would he lie to you unless he didn't want you to know the truth? If it was innocent, why wouldn't he want you to know?

He's a liar and a cheat and you have first class levels of intuition.

Angelf1sh Thu 23-Nov-17 19:13:59

There’s plenty of rational explanations, the most probable of which is that he’s cheating on you. Sorry op.

inlectorecumbit Thu 23-Nov-17 19:16:32

I wonder how he will try to wriggle out of this one!!!

It had better be good because the lies and deceit are there...

Be strong OP you deserve better
flowers

uncoolnn Thu 23-Nov-17 19:18:04

The sense that he was lying came because in 12 months (plus I've known him 2 years just as friends) he's never once suggested he wanted more time to himself. It just didn't seem right. And it appears I was right not to believe.

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 23-Nov-17 19:23:07

He's not a very good liar, is he? He could have said he'd gone for a long walk on his own, instead of saying he was with another woman.

uncoolnn Thu 23-Nov-17 19:25:17

What baffles me is that if he'd just said he was going to see her I wouldn't have questioned ithmm

userxx Thu 23-Nov-17 19:38:09

Maybe he thought you would question it? Maybe it is totally innocent however he has now lied and I don't think there is any going back from that.

uncoolnn Thu 23-Nov-17 19:41:10

Yeah that's what I think. Even if he's just been hanging out with a friend the fact he's lied to me doesn't bode well.

Justoneme Thu 23-Nov-17 19:43:07

End of story he lied ,... not good.

Pengggwn Thu 23-Nov-17 19:43:56

It wouldn't matter to me whether he was actually cheating. Distancing himself from you and lying to you is enough.

uncoolnn Thu 23-Nov-17 19:44:34

Who's to say he was actually with the woman he said he was anyway. If he can lie about where he is he can lie about who he's with.

Ah well. Given we've only been together 12 months I can chalk it up to experience and be glad I never wasted so much more time.

Pengggwn Thu 23-Nov-17 19:45:08

flowers

hiddley Thu 23-Nov-17 19:49:16

Yep, he's seeing her. You sound level headed and not much time wasted on him. Take care of yourself.

inlectorecumbit Thu 23-Nov-17 19:58:46

Have you actually ended it with him? Or does he think he got away with it?

uncoolnn Thu 23-Nov-17 20:02:19

I am seeing him tomorrow. Haven't spoken to him since the phone conversation earlier. Think I will end it with him in person tomorrow, I'm not interested in excuses

hiddley Thu 23-Nov-17 20:03:37

Good for you taking no shit.
I could have saved myself years of shite if I had your strength.

uncoolnn Thu 23-Nov-17 20:05:37

Unfortunately I learnt the hard way. Was with my ex 6 years before I realised he was a massive knob and ended it. I promised myself it wouldn't happen again and I won't let it smile

Annelind Thu 23-Nov-17 20:06:56

Lots of support here, as you already know, if you feel you need it tomorrow. Would love to be a fly on the wall and see his expression when you give him The Talk (awful of me, I know blush)

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