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Honest opinions, what would you Do?

(72 Posts)
AskingForAnEnemy Thu 23-Nov-17 16:01:59

My husband has asked me to sign a contract to say that if we divorce I won't touch his pension. Apparently when we married he didn't realise his pension would become a joint asset.

When drunk he basically threatened me with a divorce if I don't sign as he'd " rather lose half of everything now than in 20 years time"

He's apologised for that outburst but I'm just curious do people actually make these sort of agreements AFTER getting married? Would I be stupid to sign anything?

K0729P Thu 23-Nov-17 16:04:44

Not a chance would I be signing that.

RonniePasas Thu 23-Nov-17 16:07:26

Oh dear. My first response is LTB with that attitude.

However, they do say that most anger is actually about fear. Could you have a sensible, sober conversation about what he fears?

flowers for you whatever his motivation, it's a shitty thing to say

SammySays Thu 23-Nov-17 16:07:31

No chance and if he is making threats like that, I would have alarm bells.

Tinselistacky Thu 23-Nov-17 16:07:42

Unless there is anything you can bargain with - ie he pays off the house for you - then don't sign.

Schlimbesserung Thu 23-Nov-17 16:10:28

Why would he be thinking about divorce? I'd be concerned that he had plans in that direction and was getting his ducks in a row as it were.
Don't sign anything, especially without speaking to a solicitor first. In fact, it might be worth seeing one about how best to protect yourself.

Kr1st1na Thu 23-Nov-17 16:12:34

Yes you would be stupid to sign anything so don’t do it.

Does he treat you badly in other ways too?

Do you want to stay with him ?

AskingForAnEnemy Thu 23-Nov-17 16:18:19

It's because he didn't know it was an asset then when he found out it was and that id be entitled to half he started panicking that if we did split id take it from him, until that point he's never mentioned divorce.

And yes we have other problems.

So sign nothing? I told him to basically fuck off and file for a divorce if that's how he felt but like I say he apologised the next day and it's not been mentioned since, but still..

Noextremes2017 Thu 23-Nov-17 16:19:13

What a strange request / attitude?!

AskingForAnEnemy Thu 23-Nov-17 16:19:59

I have no intention of leaving him, but if he pushes this pension thing I will

RonniePasas Thu 23-Nov-17 16:21:20

Sign nothing, agree to nothing - at least without independent legal advice. If I were you I would also be quietly making a list of assets, bank accounts, pension providers etc - he has declared an intention to not play fair if you do split.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 23-Nov-17 16:22:17

Do you have a pension?
Or did you stop working to bring up his kids?

AskingForAnEnemy Thu 23-Nov-17 16:26:45

I stopped working as we had kids, I work now but my last employer did not do pensions so I don't have one

AskingForAnEnemy Thu 23-Nov-17 16:27:43

Thank you Ronnie I should make a list

PNGirl Thu 23-Nov-17 16:32:08

Er, no. Does he realise this means you are signing to say he could leave you for someone else and leave you pensionless?

Kr1st1na Thu 23-Nov-17 16:37:27

So he thinks his pension is valuable and you have no right to it .

But your career was worthless so it doesn’t matter that you have thrown it away to bring up his kids.

Okaayyyy

I agree you need legal advice . He’s planning to leave .

AskingForAnEnemy Thu 23-Nov-17 16:40:25

I don't think he's planning to leave, he just doesn't want me having what he has "worked hard for" doesn't seem to understand that if I didn't have kids and take years off work id have a decent pension by now too.

HelloSquirrels Thu 23-Nov-17 16:40:59

Dont sign it. My dp who isnt a big fan of marriage has said we will get married just SO i get the benefit of his pension.

I would be seriously considering what else he doesnt want to share with you

SittingAround1 Thu 23-Nov-17 16:46:25

Don't sign anything. Has he considered that his pension will help you massively if he dies before you? Says a lot if he doesn't mind leaving you poor in old age.

AskingForAnEnemy Thu 23-Nov-17 16:50:42

I think he has signed something to say if he dies the kids will get everything, I don't think my name is on there. I'm not sure

Acrosstheuniverse123 Thu 23-Nov-17 16:52:16

What? He hasn't provided for you in his Will and wants to make sure you don't get half his pension? Is this a wind up? Seriously? What sort of person is he and why the hell haven't you dumped him?

user1497997754 Thu 23-Nov-17 16:56:29

Def don't sign anything......his pension could be worth a lot of money and should you divorce then you can use this as a bargaining tool...I got divorced and didn't realise about the pension and I really wish now that I had....my ex husband has now retired with a big pension and like you I spent majority of my time as a SAHM as he worked away so I don't even have a full state pension when I retire and will be working well into my 70's.

AskingForAnEnemy Thu 23-Nov-17 16:57:30

I'm not sure if he changed his will or not, last time he mentioned it was years ago before we got married, I'm not sure if that was his will or something to do with his pension tho, I can't remember

Addictedtothisbloodyforum Thu 23-Nov-17 17:01:48

That's a horrible horrible thing to say to you . He sounds very greedy and money obsessed . Don't sign a thing op

bastardkitty Thu 23-Nov-17 17:05:38

Based on everything you have said so far, I would leave him now because it is inevitable. He seems to think asking you to sign away your legal rights is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. It isn't. He is horrible. Ýou will split up.

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