Does anyone else find that dating makes them feel out of control?

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I feel like I miss a physical relationship and maybe some of the emotional intimacy too. But online dating makes me feel out of control. If I go on dates, I end up drinking, which is terrible for me, as I get horrible depressive, existential hangovers (the type that Kingsley Amis referred to as a shimmering, metaphysical hangover.

Mid week dating exhausts me at work. I only have every other weekend free. I'm busy with kids and work.

I don't seem to meet anyone I fancy anyway. So it leaves me feeling fed up.

Last week I thought I'd wind up two young men who wanted a threesome. I had no intention of having one! I ended up feeling a bit violated for having the conversation though. I didn't say anything sexual to them, but the whole online dating thing in general feels cheap, somehow.

The whole process: the influx of messages; the objectifying nature of the dating scene; the emptiness of it, just feels so out of control.

Does anyone else feel like this?

I know the usual advice is to avoid online dating and take up a hobby etc, but the things I'm interested in tend to be female dominated pursuits and meet up didn't seem fruitful either.

[meowimacat]

I hate online dating. I just recently went back on pof and am just sent tons of messages by guys who can't spell, those who can only write the word 'hey' and then other gross suggestive comments. I've been on 2 Tinder dates this year and both were an absolute fail with guys who seemed genuine but in person basically wanted sex the moment they saw me.
Maybe try something you aren't so interested in. Any sport always has guys, I've met loads of men through sports and before this year I hated exercise and would have never considered it. But it's actually made me the fittest I've ever been and got me making friends with guys who are also very...fit haha.

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I'm not sporty, but I do think exercise would make me feel better about myself.

[Reflexella]

Yes. I hear you. I last about 24hrs on online dating before wanting to scrub myself.
It’s like I’ve been coated in a weird psychological slime.
I’m lonely but I’ve no idea if i’ll ever feel ‘normal’ about the dating scene!

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

Weird psychological slime is an excellent way to describe it

[Biddylee]

I realised that it is a bad idea for me to do dates and drinking (that is when I'm ready to do dating again). This is because my already weak boundaries become non-existent and I don't honour how I actually want to proceed with dating. I find it exhausting and am taking a big break at the moment even though somewhere in me, I'd love to meet a nice guy for some physical and emotional connection. I just can't do with someone taking advantage of my niceness (and my easy boundaries).

Taking up hobbies doesn't always tend to work as a way to meet people. My hobby is my job and it's full of retired people . But I hope that as the network of people I know grows, that one of them might have a handsome friend I can date.

[TheNaze73]

I think exercise clssses are a great way of meeting people. Something mixed like spinning or boot camp. OLD is great for men, who want the best bits of the relationship without the dull monotonous day to day stuff.
Go off line & get the endorphins pumping

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I was promptly unmatched yesterday when I said I have three children. I'm really looking for a friends with benefits situation but with the potential for more when my children are older. I think online, you're not a person, just a set of statistics.
I'm 37. Most women my age have children.

[Pavonia]

Faron I don't think it is realistic to have a FWB with potential for more later. I think you will need to separate the two things.

meowimacat set a minimum length for a first message on POF to weed out the Hi/Hey/How's you brigade.

Biddy my job also grew from a hobby and it's also full of retired people! Makes me wonder if we do the same thing but that seems very unlikely!

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

It's shit isn't it OP. Time and time again we're told to try this that and the other, but I've done the evening classes, the exercise classes and sports clubs and have never made proper friends or lovers from any of them. Once I did briefly date a man from a salsa class but when we split up I really didn't want to see his face again so no longer went to the club. I've found I have as much chance of meeting someone online as offline, and at least with online we know what people are after, even if that is just sex. But most of those online are either twats, attached or I don't fancy them in the slightest. In a nutshell, I don't have the answer either.

[Biddylee]

Pav My hobby can attract younger people... but for some reason so far, it hasn't.

Whata I currently go to a meditation class and although there are potential dates there, if I got into a relationship and it went tits up, I'd lose that space to go too.

Far it does feel that people on dating sites and 'swipe left', 'swipe right' without sometimes the courtesy to be kind. People stop being human and are just a list of things they have done with a pic to match (Dating Linked In)