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MIL only interested in LO..

(95 Posts)
LouMary5678 Wed 22-Nov-17 18:47:06

I've just had a DD, who is now 4 months. MIL will text me every morning to ask for updates on baby. All texts seem to go this way, "how is she?" "How is the baby?" "Did LO sleep well?" Etc etc. There has never been a message asking me how I am or what I've been up to etc. All our conversations centre around DD. Before she was born, we had a great relationship and got on very well but it all feels a bit strange at the moment as I'm taking it slightly offensively to the fact she doesn't show any interest in me whatsoever. Even when she comes to visit, I will be talking to her about something not baby related and she will interrupt and talk over me to the baby, cooing at him which I find terribly rude. This will happen the whole time she's here. I really want to say something but I think I may be being a bit sensitive about this hence why I am asking for other opinions. TIA!

Justbookedasummmerholiday Wed 22-Nov-17 18:48:53

Why not block her number and let her constantly text your dh?

LouMary5678 Wed 22-Nov-17 18:50:18

@Justbookedasummmerholiday that will start way more rows than calling her out on this ever would shock

BertrandRussell Wed 22-Nov-17 18:52:25

She's just besotted. It's early days. Let it go.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Wed 22-Nov-17 18:52:47

You aren't obliged to have her be so intrusive you know!!
If you don't act now this will last be your life from now on!!
Short sharp shock, get it over with!!
Or say you are having a nap and switching your phone off. Forget to switch it on, she will ring dh and leave dh to deal with her.

RainbowCookie Wed 22-Nov-17 18:54:14

Start every response with “i’m fine thanks...” and maybe she’ll get the hint

pictish Wed 22-Nov-17 18:57:56

"Even when she comes to visit, I will be talking to her about something not baby related and she will interrupt and talk over me to the baby, cooing at him which I find terribly rude."

Oh my mum used to do that. It is rude, you're right. I found it very dismissive and it hurt my feelings.

Lissette Wed 22-Nov-17 18:58:26

My mil brought a bouquet of flowers with a card on it addressed to my newborn when I was in hospital having him. hmm

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 22-Nov-17 18:58:30

I've had this from my MIL as well. You really do need to speak to his mother and put in place higher and consistent boundaries re her (as I did); do not let this fester because this will be your life with her going forward otherwise.

How does your DH get along with his mother these days?. He is key here in all this.

GummyGoddess Wed 22-Nov-17 18:58:47

Being besotted isn't an excuse to be rude though. Asking about baby everyday is annoying but understandable, ignoring the mother of the baby mid conversation is really rude.

MadMags Wed 22-Nov-17 19:00:29

He’s her grandson. She’s besotted. He’s a tiny relative.

You just don’t matter to her on the same level.

It’ll probably ease off after a while.

Haffiana Wed 22-Nov-17 19:02:36

I think you should get really, really offended and sulk about it.

Or you could share her delight in your child?

Breadwithgarlicon Wed 22-Nov-17 19:10:35

I like the idea of answering with, "I'm fine thanks". Then give baby news. Maybe finish with asking after her or saying you're turning phone off for some reason. It's a nice way of training her out of it. In person, you could maybe joke, 'I'm over here!" No need to be off about it - they're not babies for long so best to enjoy it all as much as possible.

FriendsFriendsFriends Wed 22-Nov-17 19:13:07

I agree with someone above, a really obvious “I’m fine, thanks for asking” at the start of every conversation should do the trick.
And not replying to every text message too, she should soon cotton on when you only reply every third day (or less!)

beesandknees Wed 22-Nov-17 20:06:07

My own mother is exactly like this with me / my dc. I think it's fairly normal.

There are realities to having children, these include the fact that, in the vast majority of cases, you take a back seat to them. Your DD is very likely to be 3000% more interesting to your MIL than you are (sorry!). I'd just accept that you are going to play second fiddle to your DD for the forseeable tbh.

Alternatively, by all means as her to do a better job of pretending she cares how you are. Personally I just accept it and move on. It's better to let people be, to step back and keep a clear picture of who they are/what they value, vs. taking the hump and trying to demand that they pretend otherwise.

MinervaSaidThar Wed 22-Nov-17 20:09:41

No way would I engage with that many texts. You need to wean MIL off. Start taking longer and longer to respond to texts. I would only engage once or twice a week. Who the fuck has time for constant texts.

And if she's not interested in your life, then don't show any interest in hers.

pictish Wed 22-Nov-17 20:22:17

I do agree with you bees and overall I accepted my mum's infatuation with my son with good grace...I was happy he had such a loving granny as I had a great relationship with her myself.
But yeah...when she would cut through me talking to her to make mushy talk at ds, thus making it perfectly clear she didn't give a shit what I was saying, I found it downright rude. It annoyed and upset me. I get why OP finds it aggravating.

Adviceplease360 Wed 22-Nov-17 20:25:16

Get a grip.

Makesmilingyourbesthobby Wed 22-Nov-17 20:30:31

How old is your newborn?

MinervaSaidThar Wed 22-Nov-17 20:31:41

Get a grip.

Wow. Best advice ever. hmm

allinclusive Wed 22-Nov-17 20:33:43

My mil is like this. It’s eroded our relationship over the years, it’s thoughtless and quite telling about how she feels about me i.e she doesn’t care/isn’t interested.

Bucketsandspoons Wed 22-Nov-17 20:36:13

There's a line between being very understandably besotted with gorgeous tiny newborn and first ever gc, and being rude/driving your DiL out of her mind.

Can dh take your phone and text back something light and jokey about 'why do you never ask me?' or say something light about "Ooh look mum, Lou is here too!"

Makesmilingyourbesthobby Wed 22-Nov-17 20:43:55

Sorry I just noticed 4 months, I totally get the cutting you over mid sentence its nothing to do with you personaly I don't think, i have 3 dd's & found my mother would do it quite often on my first, then notice I do it too, its when baby starts getting fussy its a automatic reaction to settle them or when dd is babbling away & looks like she wants to engage with you so you answer her it encourages her to communicate & if your lucky you get a smile too, yes I agree it is a bit rude but I'd rather my family engage with my children & cut me off than ignore them, & I rather keep my child happy & doing what she wants to do talk to me & interrupt people than run the risk of her getting upset, I must admit I do say sorry go on though
As for the texting if it bothers you that much just take awhile to text back me myself id much rather a mil who takes the time & is interested in her GC than one who isn't at all so I'd be grateful for it,
Many people are like this when you've had a baby ask about baby & not you I've noticed but it doesn't bother me

GreenPurpleRed Wed 22-Nov-17 20:44:38

My Mil did the same, stopped even saying hello to me when she would visit.

I started to really dislike them visiting, they dont live in the UK so thankfully it wasn't a lot.

It took a long time for me to get over it, and to figure out how to pull her up on it.

I had some pretty frank conversations with both PIL and eventually went with not giving a shit.

We have got over it but I'll never forget it. She is a lovely lady and when I needed her to give a tiny little shit about me she didn't. She would ask about dd1 then ask dh how he was then proceed to unpack all the food she had bought. I think that was her way of taking care of me but I was desperate for a hello or how are you Green sad

My parents live a very long way away and have only been able to.visit twice.

MadMags Wed 22-Nov-17 20:47:05

I never understand the people who expect to be loved and treated the same way by their in-laws as the in-laws’ actual relations.

I just think life would be easier/less upsetting if you didn’t expect to be seen the same way.

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