Last night I sent DP a text to say that I won't be lending him money, paying for stuff anymore.
We live apart and he still owns a house with his ex who he broke up with 5 years ago. I twigged last week (saw a letter addressed to them both) that they still have a joint account.
Over the past few months I've been 'lending' him £100 or more on a monthly basis. He turned up on holiday (that my parents paid for) with no money.
I pay for the majority of meals, takeaways and nights out because I earn 10k more than him.
Last night I kind of woke up. I'm subsidising him. He owns this house with his ex. I rent at double his mortgage. He stays at my house 4-5 nights a week and contributes nothing. I have 3DC's to support. WIBU to send him the text?
He has read it and completely blanked me, which makes me feel shit and like I've done something wrong?
If somebody had sent me a message like that I'd be mortified and offering a solution to the issue. I'd feel terrible that I'd put someone in that position of feeling used. He clearly doesn't give a fuck does he?
I don't know how you got into this situation, but the good thing is you have woken up to it now and you sound determined. Do not relent in any way. To be honest I think it shows a side of him that would should mean an end to the relationship but at the very least he needs to step right up and pay back what he owes you and share properly in future.
brilliant I do question the boundaries with his ex. Frequently.
He pays it back when he can but he's been doing up his house for 6 months under the guise of getting a lodger. Which I was happy about as it meant he would have more money but it's not happened. I'm beginning to think it won't.
I'm so pissed off he hasn't replied. Do you think I should message him? Don't know what else I can say except you are coming across even more like a using twat by blanking me!
Wow, no you are not wrong! He is blanking you because he wants you to change your mind.Its manipulative of him. A therapist has told me the sign of a toxic person is their reaction when you say No to them.
Please dont see this as a fault in yourself or believe you are unloveable. He is toxic but I am sure he appears charming on the outside.
Dont text again, try to get on with your day.I suspect he might reappear and pretend nothing has happened.You may assume he is sorry but unless he ACTS with regret ignore his words. You deserve much better than this man.
Personally I'd treat him with the kindness he's treating you- I'd go radio silence. What is there to say? I'd be mortified if someone thought they were bankrolling me. I'd be calling and apologising and seeing what I could do to put it right- including repaying all money.
So when he texts you next, unless it lays out how he's planning to pay you back, I'd not reply. He's a user. You have your dc to pay for, he's a grown man, with his own house, capable of earning and paying his own way. The fact that he's leeching off a single parent with absolutely no shame says it all about him.
Well I'm hoping it's just THE END. Time to put YOU and your DC first for a change.
So now, he'll continue ignore. Or he'll turn up and be like nothing has happened.
If he does want to talk then he needs to start being financially responsible for himself. That means, contributing to your household when he's there. Buying a shop. Doing some washing. Cooking you a nice meal. Has he ever done any of those things?
What is wrong with me? Why did I sleepwalk into this situation? Don’t beat yourself up - it’s really easy to be taken in by someone you care about . I agree with @MyBrilliantDisguise I think a joint account with the ex is very suspicious are you sure she is an ex. Do they still live in the house together ?