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No sex drive

(8 Posts)
bellweather Tue 21-Nov-17 09:18:29

Ever since I’ve had my baby, I have zero sex drive

I just don’t feel like having sex anymore sad

My DS is 9 months old and we have only done the deed twice and both times I did it because I felt bad for my DH

I’m still breastfeeding and co sleep which doesn’t help matters.

My DH has been very understanding and patient but I do feel bad for him. Will this ever get better or am I destined to feel this way forever?

TammySwansonTwo Tue 21-Nov-17 09:51:52

It absolutely will get better. What you're experiencing is very common - I suspect natures way of making sure your attention is fully on your baby and not men / getting pregnant again. You're probably not ovulating, and that has a big impact on hormones and therefore sex drive for some women.

For me personally I'd been through this before after a hormonal treatment so I knew exactly what was going on. I quit pumping at 7 months and the drive stayed gone until I was arohnd 12/13 months pp when it came back on like a light switch.

Honestly, give yourself a break - it will resolve itself - and if you really don't want to have sex, don't have it. If you find it upsetting or distressing, that will have a negative impact on your drive and your relationship. You've been through huge amounts to have a baby, this is one of the few ways men are physically impacted by becoming a father - frankly if my husband could have gone through everything I did and all I had to do was put up with no sex for a year afterwards, i would think that was a bloody good deal!

Read up on this issue, you will feel better. Share some links with your DH if he's worried, then stop focusing on it!

bellweather Tue 21-Nov-17 11:08:54

Thank you for your kind words Tammy
It’s good to know that it maybe hormonal and it will come back
Hopefully it will for me xx

TheChineseChicken Tue 21-Nov-17 16:21:34

I’m the same and have posted before on here (nothing has improved since). I feel like it’s getting worse. DD is 17 months old but I am still breastfeeding so maybe it is that, I don’t know, but it’s on my mind so much I am obsessing about it and scared my marriage will break down

TammySwansonTwo Tue 21-Nov-17 16:53:40

I can only say that in my experience, on both occasions where I've experienced the most extreme version of loss of libido, nothing improved until my natural cycles returned and I had a good 5-6 months of normal cycles. It took that long for my hormone levels to normalise.

I'm not saying for a second you should quit bfing for this reason, just that it's a good possibility that this won't improve until your hormone levels have a chance to get back to normal. Sex drive serves a biological purpose, and in some women if you're not ovulating it's just not there!

TammySwansonTwo Tue 21-Nov-17 16:55:37

Also, my husband and I survived more than five years like this due to a really agressive hormone treatment that messed me up for a long time - the only way we survived was communication and reassurance. Make sure they know that you have no drive and it's not that you don't find them attractive. It's really important they understand this. I told my husband many times that I'd understand if he left as it went on so long but we made it and things are awesome now. Hang in there x

bellweather Wed 22-Nov-17 01:23:16

Chinesechicken I know how you feel, I’m also getting a bit paranoid about it! I am half tempted to just do it for the sake of it but the thought of it just makes my skin crawl shock

Tammy it does make sense that it’s hormonal as I still haven’t got my cycle back yet, and probably won’t for awhile as my DS is still waking up for milk every few hours

How do people have 2 kids!! My DH calls DS the passion killer grin

TheChineseChicken Wed 22-Nov-17 21:00:18

I have had a few cycles however am still feeding 2-3 times a day so I expect my hormones are still a bit haywire.

I’m starting to develop a real anxiety about things which of course makes it all worse. Argh!

It doesn’t help that I read so many threads on here where people post about their amazing sexual lives with their husbands and it makes me sad sad

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