boyfriend left me alone and pregnant

[sc0394]

i apologise in advance for how long this post is!
i'm 23 years old, 14 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend (5 years on/off) has more or less abandoned me since he found out i was pregnant, yet has said on multiple occasions he wants to keep it.
when we realised i was pregnant at the start of september he seemed to take it fine, we discussed that although i don't work due to bad anxiety issues, he was making enough to be able to look after us plus our families would definitely help out. we discussed that we would still have plenty of time to move in together as i live with my mum and he lives between my house and his dads. it seemed as though he was really willing to have this baby with me.
but within a few weeks he was going out drinking and i wasnt seeing him for 2 weeks at a time because of "work" and when he did show up at mine, he would change the subject whenever i brought up anything to do with me being pregnant or would say he needs more time to think.
i was struggling with really bad morning sickness, i could barely make it out of bed without feeling light-headed and sick and all he could say was me being ill and upset all the time was "annoying" him. also being this sick, i found it even more difficult to leave the house, so i put off going to a gp or making any appointments until i felt better enough to handle public transport or until my bf would be willing to take me or at least give me a lift!
after 10 weeks of this, i began considering an abortion. i felt completely alone and suicidal. i realised the closest abortion clinic was 20 miles away and asked my bf if he could take me. he said he would drop me off and pick me up afterwards if i gave him petrol money.. by this point i started to realise he really wasn't interested in me or his baby.
then last week he showed up at mine, apologised, admitted to abandoning me because he wasnt dealing with it all, offered to buy me dinner to make sure i was eating and he stayed with me for a few days. on thursday he once again said he wanted to keep the baby, so we started discussing telling our families before xmas and decided we would finally make our first appointment with a gp/midwife this week to see how far along i actually am and see if i can get a scan yet. then on friday i received a call from him saying he's going on a last minute holiday on tuesday so if i get an appointment i can go myself and he wants his stuff he left at mine back. i haven't heard from him since!
i'm back to feeling alone, angry and i've cried almost every day of this pregnancy. i've began looking up late medical terminations and im horrified at the stories but i feel like this is now my only option, and if i do it, i'll have to go through it alone because nobody else knows im pregnant yet. i'm not financially or emotionally capable of having this baby on my own, but after everything that has happened i'm not sure if i'll be able to live with myself if i go through with an abortion this far on.
i just need someone to talk to or some sort of advice.

[Ellie56]

So so sorry you are going through this. You say you live with your mum. Can you talk to her?

You are well rid of the man child. What a waste of space he is.

[MissConductUS]

If he wants his stuff back from your flat he's just dumped you.

No one can decide for you about keeping the baby or not, but it sounds like neither of you wants it at this point.

When he asked you for petrol money to run you to the clinic, that was pretty damning as to his character.

[Slaylormoon]

I'm sorry OP he sounds heartless, what do you yourself want?

[GoddessInTraining]

Oh jeez, you poor thing.
I’d say first of all, you need to get along to either a GP or community midwife. Having an abortion is a massive decision and you need to be supported whatever your decision is.
Your boyfriend is being a complete asshole (sorry not sorry!) To leave you on your own like this is disgusting and tells you everything you need to know about his character.
Is there some reason why you haven’t told your mum any of this? You said you live with her, can she help support you?
Huge hugs to you.

[pompomcat]

Didnt want to read and run OP, you poor thing it sounds like your bf has really messed you around. I really feel for you as this is such a lot to deal with on your own, especially with the anxiety. How are you feeling this evening? Are you able to speak to your Mum? I would recommend the Samaritans if you need a non-judgmental “real time” ear, particularly in the early hours. Also keep posting on here-there are some wise owls!

[Josuk]

OP - I am sorry you are in this situation and you are clearly suffering.
However - you don’t sound like you are in a place where you can be responsible for a child. I don’t meant to sound harsh - but It doesn’t change that fact.

I don’t know what your options are at the moment. Talk to your mom. She is the only person you can count on.

[AngryCasper]

deborahwilson - Reported

OP your boyfriend is a waste of space. Please don’t be taken in by him if he changes his mind again. He clearly has no respect for you and you deserve so much better. Try to seek some real life support/advice regarding the pregnancy if you can; your Mum perhaps? Good luck with whatever you decide.