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Friendship issue - what do you think?

(10 Posts)
MeganChips Sun 19-Nov-17 18:09:30

This may be slightly convoluted!

I have been friends with a group of mums from primary school for a long time. DC are now at secondary, all different schools.

There are 4 of us in the group. 2 of the group (A&B) consider themselves very middle class and well to do, and are very snobby and judgemental. And apparently proud of it. The other 2 (C& D, including me) seem to be considered the poor relations.

A&B bitch about C constantly. Her house, her weight, her taste in decor and clothes, everything. I suspect they do the same about me. I pull them up on it all the time but nothing changes.

Anyway, we go camping as a group every year. This year I pulled out because it was freezing and pissing it down and that is not my idea of fun. Fair enough, all accepted.

A couple of months later I basically ballsed up and double booked myself. I was out out at one event when I was supposed to be at Bs house for drinks. I just got it into my head that it was the following week and apologised profusely.

All hell broke loose basically. A&B were really angry with me and apparently I’m dead to A now. B has grudgingly forgiven me, C thinks there is nothing to forgive and is telling them not to be stupid.

So, I am supposed to be doing some Christmas events with them and I am really debating cutting my losses. Friendships shouldn’t be this much drama or this hard work. Yes, I cocked up but not on purpose.

The thing that is putting me off is the fact that the DC are close friends and I feel I would be alienating DD from friends she really values.

I just don’t know what to do. Grit my teeth or disengage?

Bella8 Sun 19-Nov-17 18:15:49

Have I misunderstood or were you only going to one friend's house for drinks with the two others? You mistakenly got dates mixed up and the other 2 still went? I don't see the problem to by honest as the host wouldn't have been put out as she still had company and it's not like she was cooking a three course dinner for only you! Her reaction is well over the top. It sound like she doesn't believe you and thinks you got a better offer. If you've apologised and she's still being hostile I'd cut your losses and move on as they sound like too much drama.
I also think it's disgusting how they were judging that other woman; they sound like 'mean mums.'

Bella8 Sun 19-Nov-17 18:16:06


AlternativeTentacle Sun 19-Nov-17 18:18:44

Stick with C and let the others fuck right off.

MeganChips Sun 19-Nov-17 18:21:02

All of us were going for drinks, the other 2 turned up as planned so it’s not like the evening was entirely ruined. It was just drinks and nibbles and a catch up.

Just writing this out actually has made me realise this is all pretty toxic. I’m not going to make a drama, just quietly disengage.

monkeywithacowface Sun 19-Nov-17 18:23:53

All sounds like rather too much work to me. A dignified retreat sounds best

Itsonkyme Sun 19-Nov-17 18:26:47

Could the Dc still be friends if you just cool it a bit with the Witches of Eastwick grin sorry!!!!!
I mean, just pretend things are fine but basically always be busy when there are any arrangements made.
You can put a face on it, perhaps, for the sake of Dc.
After saying that, if it's all got really like too much hard work, your dc will always make other friends.

tribpot Sun 19-Nov-17 18:34:04

Seems like A&B have got too much time on their hands. If your DC are all at high school now, they're old enough to make their own arrangements to stay in touch with their friends, so you don't need to see A&B beyond a passing hello at group events.

I can't imagine anything much worse than camping in the UK with a bunch of nouveaux riches snobs, so you're well out of that.

MeganChips Sun 19-Nov-17 18:38:00

I think a graceful retreat is the way to go and yes, DC can make their own arrangements.

I will do the Christmas events as they have been planned for months but then quietly disappear.

willyougotobed Sun 19-Nov-17 18:42:41

I'd meet up with C and distance myself from the other two.

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