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Feel like a single parent

(56 Posts)
user1475052884 Sat 18-Nov-17 12:02:55

I've been with my partner for nearly 8 years and I'm currently pregnant with number 4. My partner doesn't work and I work part time since having my LO, I feel like my partner is not trying hard enough to get a job as we are struggling on my wage, I work 4hrs a day and when I get home I need to do everything from housework to putting the kids to bed he just sits on his phone or play station and I've tried talking to him but nothing changes, he's obsessed with fishing he doesn't drive so 9 times out of 10 I need to take him and pick him up. He has went fishing with his friends every weekend for months and never spends time with me and I hate that I get he needs time to himself but what about me? I never get time to myself.

On a weekday I get up early whilst he lies in bed I feed the baby and get my two older kids ready for school then I go to work and he gets up to take them to school, I'm exhausted, if I have a annual leave I need to do everything from the minute the kids get up to the minute they go to sleep.

How can I get him without being the nagging wife (not married) to help more, apply for more jobs and to not spend every weekend fishing, I don't mind him fishing but when he goes a few days during the week after I've finished work and then goes on the he weekend too it bugs me. I have a weeks annual leave next week and I'm tempted to cancel it just so I can get those 4hrs to myself

- I have tried to get more hrs at work but got declined and if I get a new job I won't get maternity pay

MrsOverTheRoad Sat 18-Nov-17 12:09:32

You have to look at things like this

Will your life be easier without him?

It sounds like need to get rid. He's a cocklodger OP! He's sucking what he can from you and giving NOTHING in return! Use your time with maternity leave to get rid...he's of no use to you!

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Sat 18-Nov-17 12:13:08

Well for a start I would tell him to find his own way to get to fishing and back. There's no need to act like a mug.

user1475052884 Sat 18-Nov-17 12:13:31

My life would be so much easier, I know that deep down he spends money like he earns a brilliant wage but in reality I have to borrow money from family EVRRY week to get by.

But I'm terrified of being a single mum to 4 ( 6yr 5yr & 10 months and due in april) will I still be able to work.

user1475052884 Sat 18-Nov-17 12:14:41

I was on the pill and it failed * before someone says have I not heard of birth control

ElspethFlashman Sat 18-Nov-17 12:16:21

He's treating you like a total mug. The question is, are you?

Are you married? If not, whose house is it?

ElspethFlashman Sat 18-Nov-17 12:17:15

You also need to Google your entitlements and tax credits.

user1475052884 Sat 18-Nov-17 12:19:22

No we are not married, it's a council house and both name's are on the house

user1475052884 Sat 18-Nov-17 12:20:52

I've done that and I've phone them also on the website it says 170.99 a week child tax but they are only paying 145 until April next year I don't understand why my income was low last year it's even lower this year and when I phoned they didn't know why it was lower

ElspethFlashman Sat 18-Nov-17 12:22:59

There's a website called entitledto or something people use on here to assess themselves, have you found that one?

MrsOverTheRoad Sat 18-Nov-17 12:23:16

Council's take who is the main carer into consideration when they decide who gets the tenancy in cases where a couple with children split up and both names are on the house.

Is he considered a stay at home Dad?

RedBlackberries Sat 18-Nov-17 12:23:38

He sounds like a useless waste of space. Do you actually still love him?

Ask yourself, what does he bring to the family unit? Does you have good support if you were to leave? Do you think it might be the kick up the arse he needs to sort himself out and step up?

My dh was like that, did nothing round the house and didn't help with our daughter. I left him and it was the kick he needed to become a better person. We're now back together and things are so much better than before. He cooks cleans and is a proper dad to our dd. None of that would have happened if I hadn't of left him. You'll only know if he's caperble of change if you do the same.

GinwithCucumber Sat 18-Nov-17 12:23:41

Wow, I clicked on this expecting to have to gently point out that you had his income or whatever but I agree with you. You are a single parent except you are looking after a man as well.

I'm a single parent to two, work full time and I'm glad I don't have to deal with the frustration and the anger and the sheer volume of work that you have on your plate.

I think the answer to the question ''does he make my life easier?'' is the really pertinent one here.


Good luck.

trappedinsuburbia Sat 18-Nov-17 12:24:36

Wow he sounds like a catch...
He won't change OP, he doesn't need to. He's got you exactly where he wants you while he sits on his lazy entitled arse.
Get rid.

MrsOverTheRoad Sat 18-Nov-17 12:25:02

Who picks the kids up from school?

ElspethFlashman Sat 18-Nov-17 12:25:29

I imagine the council will also make a pregnant woman a priority too.

user1475052884 Sat 18-Nov-17 12:25:32

Yes he's considered a stay at home dad, so does that mean he's entitled to the house? But the children would be coming with me if we were to break up.

ElspethFlashman Sat 18-Nov-17 12:27:24

Circumstances change though. He would not be a SAHD if you've dumped him and he's not living with his kids!

user1475052884 Sat 18-Nov-17 12:28:23

I pick them up as I finish work at 1 so from the minute I get in I'm cleaning , feeding baby his lunch, pick kids up , cook, bath times , bed times and then clean again

NoToast Sat 18-Nov-17 12:32:52

When did he last work? Does he have any intention of working again?

How is he spending money if he's not working? Are you giving it to him? Why?

I've been where you at and now I'm a single parent. I couldn't live witt he anger. Six years down the line ex-DP is still not working (or paying maintenance) but he doesn't cost me anything.

Pacificly Sat 18-Nov-17 12:33:32

Soon you'll be a single parent of 5 kids! This man isn't an equal partner in anyway sounds like an overgrown teen.
You'd have more money and less driving/housework to do i bet without him around.
And as for his weekend fishing trips how is he affording this if you're borrowing money to just live? Stop paying for unaffordable non essentials immediately.

Squeegle Sat 18-Nov-17 12:35:39

Why doesn’t he work? What positive does he bring to your life?

PacAMac Sat 18-Nov-17 12:39:39

Fuck that! Cocklodger.

user1475052884 Sat 18-Nov-17 12:42:03

Last time he worked was 5 years ago

By spending money I mean on fishing stuff or whatever he wants and he uses the tax credits.

He's going fishing to a fishery which he's paid £350 for the year he did sell some of his fishing stuff to pay for that

PacAMac Sat 18-Nov-17 12:44:57

Put it all in your name and account. Tell him to fuck off and get a job!

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