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Accused of cheating but 100% innocent

(58 Posts)
Sshhbear Sat 18-Nov-17 09:23:27

My partner of fifteen years has got it in his head that I was cheating on him while working away from home. This suspicion came as a result of google history saying I didn't go home to my apartment one night I was away. I should also mention that while google timeline said I didn't go home, the entire nights snowshoe pings that clearly show I was in my apartment. The problem is that it has been six months since said night and my partner refuses to believe that I did nothing. He feels that my body language says otherwise and he has said really hurtful things around the topic. We are supposed to be getting married in March but I don't know what to do. If my partner truly knew me, he wouldn't have any doubts at all. I have never cheated nor would I ever. I have done all I can do to prove my innocence but now I'm lost. He is probably right about my body language but any change in it is mainly due to him watching and studying my every move and this is making me self conscious. Any suggestions would be welcome

Whisky2014 Sat 18-Nov-17 09:25:13

Well, if he really thinks you did why hasn't he left you? Or does he just want to use this as a stick to beat you with, even if you didn't do anything?
I certainly wouldn't be marrying someone so paranoid and insecure.

junebirthdaygirl Sat 18-Nov-17 09:26:25

What was he doing checking up on you? Do not marry a guy who feels he has to check on you so much. He obviously doesnt trust you so that will only get worse. I m sorry but l think you are with the wrong guy.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sat 18-Nov-17 09:26:39

Tell him to stfu or get you on Jeremy Kyle. He is risking you calling off the wedding and you need to tell him that. Nobody could marry a man who doesn't trust them!!
Or could he be guilty and is trying to pass the buck?

Dancer123456 Sat 18-Nov-17 09:30:15

It’s rather creepy that he was checking where you were!

Definitely don’t marry him, he doesn’t trust you, which is no way to start a marriage.

Spadequeen Sat 18-Nov-17 09:31:36

I would say he is projecting what he has done onto you.

Whisky2014 Sat 18-Nov-17 09:35:13

Yes that's a good point spade. It's common the accuser has actually done something themselves

Sshhbear Sat 18-Nov-17 09:37:10

I do love this man and we have two beautiful children together. He was checking my timeline with the kids while I was driving interstate to get home to them... They were following my route and the kids were excited. As a rule, he has never been like this before but it's been six months since i got home and this is wearing me down. It's like he's become obsessed.

Whisky2014 Sat 18-Nov-17 09:38:35

Nah, that is what he says they were doing. I don't believe it at all.

Sshhbear Sat 18-Nov-17 09:39:20

I don't think he has cheated. He was always accountable with looking after the kids

Bobbinsandthread Sat 18-Nov-17 09:39:44

These things are not accurate - i sometimes use find my phone when DH is stuck at work (he has to keep it in his drawer) and i know if he is still there or on his way home.
Last week I hadn't heard from him so checked it (it was 1am) and it showed his phone as being on a railway track, next to a bridge in the middle of an industrial estate!
It wasn't true - he was at work several miles away (he had emailed me around that time) Gave me a panic though.

MaisyPops Sat 18-Nov-17 09:45:18

If it helps, my Google location at thr bottom of the page flagged me up as being near leeds the other week... i was sat on my sofa a few hours away from leeds.

He was keeping tabs on you and it's creepy. Don't marry him.

MsGameandWatching Sat 18-Nov-17 09:49:44

I bet he is the one cheating. Leave him. He sounds like a massive arsehole.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 18-Nov-17 09:50:28

Are you American OP, I ask only as some of the terms you have used are American in origin.

Why are you together now given that he has and is actively checking up on your location like this?. I would put this whole relationship on hold, do not marry this person under any circumstances. The wedding should be cancelled. Your children were not following this route, he was. Its really low of him to use your children in this way as well.

FinallyHere Sat 18-Nov-17 09:52:41

Sometimes, it can be difficult to see the wood from the trees, so perhaps a stranger can help you clarify.

If you have made plans to marry someone, who does not believe what you say, under no circumstances is it a good idea to continue with them, and marry them. Split up with them right away, look out for a partner who, as a minimum, will treat you decently. Dump him, then enjoy the rest of your life. You deserve so much better.

Sshhbear Sat 18-Nov-17 10:02:21

Not American. Australian.

Sshhbear Sat 18-Nov-17 10:03:29

I doubt have a problem with prone checking up on me because I never do anything I shouldn't. That's not the issue. The issue is that he can't forgive me for something I never did.

Sshhbear Sat 18-Nov-17 10:04:02

I hate suggestive text!

TheAntiBoop Sat 18-Nov-17 10:06:56

I wouldn't marry someone who didn't trust me. And he doesn't trust you as shown by the fact he's checking up. How does him watching you come home with the kids equate to him knowing where you were overnight? That doesn't make sense.

Dh travels one week in three and I never check his location etc. In fact I've never even thought about it until I read this thread!

Trust is the bedrock of a marriage - you can not marry a man who doesn't trust you.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 18-Nov-17 10:06:56

It is a problem that he is checking up on you in such a manner and Google timeline is for you to watch, not for him to observe your movements. Such scrutiny is uncalled for and is controlling in nature.
Controlling behaviour like he is showing you is abusive and is about power and control.

If he cannot forgive you for some transgression you never did then perhaps you should end this relationship before he further accuses you. You certainly cannot marry him now.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 18-Nov-17 10:08:09

Its not you here that is at fault; it is he and he alone. He is simply projecting his paranoia onto you by accusing you of all sorts.

Philldient Sat 18-Nov-17 10:16:06

It sounds like his actions are from fear, rather than control. he most likely battles with it everyday “I know really she wouldn’t do anything” “what if I’ve not been good enough for her” he wants you to reach out to him. Show what he means to you. Every man at the heart of all relationships want to be certain that his beautiful partner that he adores loves him more than any other guy on this earth. Insecurities are not a weakness it’s his self preservation especially when entering a marriage. put his actions to side for a moment and focus some time on how you can make him believe he is the ONLY one for you and I promise his “watching” you will subside because he really doesn’t want to do it.

TheNaze73 Sat 18-Nov-17 10:16:30

It surprises me the number of threads you read on here about insecure people constantly harassing innocent people of both sexes.

I’d have to bin off a needy twat like this.

Wormulonian Sat 18-Nov-17 10:18:40

Has been under a lot of stress lately or was there a big life event a few months before this behavior started, was he depressed? It is an outside possibility but could he be developing a MH issue Delusion Disorder - Jealousy (DDJ)/Othello syndrome/Morbid jealousy/obsessive jealousy? Is this a manifestation of obsessive thinking that he usually displays in other areas of his life?

I would delay the wedding and seriously think about boundaries. Has he ever had form for this behavior before? Is he usually quite controlling of where you go and who you see and is this an escalation of an existing modus operandi? Would he go to counseling? The worry is that he believes something when there is no real evidence to confirm it and won't be shifted from his view. Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft might also be worth a read.

He could as others say be using it as a stick to beat you with or wanting you to call things off. You would be the "bad guy" - perhaps he doesn't really want marriage but is using this as an excuse to get you to do the difficult work.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 18-Nov-17 10:25:02

Being stressed and or depressed does not give anyone such powers to surveil others in the way the OP has described. There is no excuse or justification for his actions, such only feed any inherent paranoia.

It is not down to the OP either to show him what he means to her; he is an adult as well. If he is controlling OP should not undertake any form of joint counselling with him.

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