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Am I Overreacting?

(275 Posts)
Lulutiger1 Sat 18-Nov-17 08:50:41

Long term poster on here who has name changed for this as family members use this site and don't want them to twig it's me.

I've been with my OH for a year and we don't live together (don't have any kids or anything like that either).

When we first got together he was very hot and cold. He ended things a few times in the first 3 months but always said he'd made a mistake and wanted me back.

We haven't split up for 9 months now and seem to be in a much happier place and have been discussing me moving in with him.

That was, until last night!

I questioned him about why he used to finish with me a lot and he eventually admitted it was because I was bigger than what he normally found attractive. I was a size 14-16 then but I'm tall and have always been toned. I just had really wide hips and bum etc. I asked him if he'd thought I was fat and his response was "you know you were but you've lost some weight since then so it's all good".

I'm now a size 12 and he makes little remarks here and there like "when you lose another stone I'll take you away on holiday"
Or
"You're going to look amazing once you lose more weight".

I don't really know how to take this - do you think he's just being honest and it's not a big deal, or do you think he's really out of order?
I was very upset when he told me last night as it's not nice to hear that someone you love has thought negative thoughts about the way you look and tried to split up with you multiple times over it. Maybe I'm just being insecure though.

Thoughts please x

battenbergbutterfly Sat 18-Nov-17 08:54:16

I assume he is God’s gift?

He sounds vile.

category12 Sat 18-Nov-17 08:56:01

I think he's making you insecure.

I think you're wasting your time and energy on him.

I presume he's an absolute Greek God himself and possibly a solid gold dick for you to be with him.

category12 Sat 18-Nov-17 08:56:11

I think he's making you insecure.

I think you're wasting your time and energy on him.

I presume he's an absolute Greek God himself and possibly a solid gold dick for you to be with him.

Joysmum Sat 18-Nov-17 08:57:20

God help you if you have kids and can’t lose the baby weight.

Your size is clearly more important to him than your relationship. I wouldn’t want to commit to a person with whom our relationship was that vunerable as I’d never feel secure in it.

category12 Sat 18-Nov-17 08:57:33

Has a solid gold dick.

Sorry for double post. blush

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour Sat 18-Nov-17 08:57:44

Not overreacting. Imagine if you have a child together and your figure changes, do you think he would leave again? Do you want that constant worry and pressure? The person you are meant to be with should think you are the best thing since sliced bread and count themselves lucky to be with you every day. He does not sound like this person.

AlternativeTentacle Sat 18-Nov-17 08:58:33

You are insecure because you are in a relationship with a nasty man.

PollytheDolly Sat 18-Nov-17 08:58:57

LTB

magoria Sat 18-Nov-17 08:59:06

Go on your own holiday without this bloke.

If you stay with him he careful never to put on weight even if you have DC.

Oh and also when you reach his perfect weight/size wait and see what your next flaw is.

SparklyMagpie Sat 18-Nov-17 09:00:05

Fuck that! Id be off

NotTheFordType Sat 18-Nov-17 09:00:30

What an absolute arse. Sack him off!

Dancinggoat Sat 18-Nov-17 09:01:48

He sounds very shallow !
We all find different things attractive or not on a person that’s natural.
BUT you don’t form a relationship with someone and then criticise them for something that’s always been there.
It’s quite emotionally abusive. Just nasty.
He will only be seen on holiday with you if you’re a certain size !!!!
I don’t think I could sustain a relationship with someone who could be that cruel.

bluescreen Sat 18-Nov-17 09:02:31

You are not over-reacting. He is being rude, cruel and controlling. If he's like this now, heaven knows what he'd be like if you were more committed (eg living together).

Sontagsleere Sat 18-Nov-17 09:03:07

Run. And I don’t mean so you can lose weight. I mean get away from him. Any time you begin to feel secure in this relationship he will be at something to make you doubt it. First it was breaking up with you several times and now you’re feeling okay about things he is getting his little digs in.

HappyintheHills Sat 18-Nov-17 09:03:32

He's an arse.
Why not let your family members know? - you're going to need their support.

Composteleana Sat 18-Nov-17 09:04:16

He’s a vile prick. Run far and fast.

Darlingsof Sat 18-Nov-17 09:04:18

YANBU - you need to get going while the goings good. Luckily you've not been with him that long. You can do better, you really can. You need to be with someone who see YOU not your weight. First time I've ever use this but LTB, there are better fish in the sea.

Lulutiger1 Sat 18-Nov-17 09:04:28

Thanks guys. He definitely thinks I'm worrying over nothing and over reacting. He was very apologetic and cuddled me last night when I got upset and then sent me a text saying he loves me very much and I should never forget it.
But why say critical things about the way I look if he truly loves me?! He's underweight and very skinny but I'd never try make him feel bad about it

bastardkitty Sat 18-Nov-17 09:08:44

I can see two options for your relationship - 1 involves a patio. 2 LTB. He is a judgemental prick who didn't even have the courtesy to talk to you about his problem - just dicked you around. I'll take you on holiday if you lose another stone? Tell him you're looking for a boyfriend with a much bigger dick next time. You are under-reacting and I think he is gaslighting you.

category12 Sat 18-Nov-17 09:10:33

Sooo, not only is he critical of you, he makes out that being hurt by his criticism is something that is your problem.

Darcychu Sat 18-Nov-17 09:14:44

i would LTB because the thing is.. okay you look fine in his eyes now .. but what if you dont in the future? what if you put on a bit of weight orrr get cancer and have to lose a breast or such, Will he just up and leave?

It would worry me.
A man should love you for you and not change his mind based on appearance change, Ill give you an example.

My partner Loves long hair but i had to cut mine really really short and shave the back... i was scared he wouldnt see me the same way but he does because he loves me for me and doesnt think a hairstyle should define that (ive also put on a lot of weight) and he has never even mentioned it, because hes not an idiot and knows i would be devistated.

So honestly i think you deserve way better.

CheeseyToast Sat 18-Nov-17 09:15:04

I think it’s ok to be attracted to certain looks but it is absolutely not ok to hook up with someone and try to turn them into a “more fanciable” partner. That is controlling, degrading, disrespectful and pretty much the opposite of love.

I sincerely hope you drum up the courage to leave this shallow man who does not love you for who you are. You deserve so much better.

Josuk Sat 18-Nov-17 09:15:19

OP - you went from size 16 to size 12 - was that intentional?
A four size weight loss doesn’t just happen. So - even as said you always looked toned - clearly you thought youwanted to lose weight. And were a bit overweight. So - him thinking that at the beginning is just voicing what you thought yourself.

That said - what he said and the way he said it - would make me angry. He could have made you feel great about it, and confident, and beautiful. Yet - he is still not satisfied. And - how fit is HE himself? Anything he can improve?
I hope you lost your weight for YOU and not for him. For you to feel better about yourself.

Weight is a thorny subject. Any comments on it cause strong reactions. Thruth is - many people find extra weight unattractive. If my partner ballooned 4 sizes up - I would find it hard to deal with and it will affect his attractiveness.

Bluelonerose Sat 18-Nov-17 09:15:34

The only weight you need to lose is him.
Don't let him drag you down.

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