What would you do?
I am in mid 40s and i wanted to know what would you do in this circumstances?
My father molested me and my two siblings when we were 5 years old and over. My siblings don't care about it and they don't blame my mother. They are very controlling and are narsastic personality. I left home when I was 16 because mum won't put a lock on my door because my memories came back and i told her i was scared of dad coming into my room. My dad still lived in the house until he left her when I was 22 years old. I moved out when I was 16 as mum wouldn't put a lock on my room. She has never apologized till now. We go through ups and downs when i see her not caring about my feelings of what happened. She will always give me a blank look or look at me like i am lying. She denied it at first then my brother said to mum stop lying. I also saw my mum when i was five years old looking at what my dad did and not say anything.
My point to this is my dad just recently passed away and my mum went to his funeral with my brother and sister and also traveled out of their way to put all his ashes overseas etc. I told her i didn't want her to go to his funeral and she went, then I said I didn't want her to go overseas to drop his ashes, and she did go. I told her I felt she was unloyal to me and still think what he did was correct. So since the funeral, i have avoided my mum and not talking to her much, and vice versa. It hurts me to see she has no care in the world to fix this. My mum is 74. I have helped her in so many ways in the last 15 years, getting good prices and deals for her medical, specialist etc, and have been going out of my way to help her in everything. I spend time with her once a week and go lunch, do her shopping etc. I have stopped all helping since the funeral.
My mum never left my dad, he left her eventually. It hurts me so much and when i tell her she gives me a sarcastic face or a face like I am stupid or just stares in blankness. Also when i was year 7 while i was walking to school by myself, a man in a car will drive slowly next to me and kept asking me to come into his car and i kept refusing and running to school and crossing the road. This same guy was doing this for a few months. I told my mum the first time the man that was following me to school, and she brushed it off and didn't care. All she did was work two jobs as a enrolled nurse and have nothing in the fridge but rice in a rice cooker. I remember always starving and always looking in the fridge for food to take to school. I also had skin allergies to the pantyhose all over my legs and showed mum and she didn't care. Even when i had asthma at 12 years old she would hear me wheezing and not take me doctors and then i begged her that i cant breathe properly and she took me to medical centre and then straight away doctors gave me breathing mask.
Why do I feel sad and not strong to completely let go about this? It's like I feel heartbroken, not cared, not loved, not priority and its the worst feeling in the world, its like i am feeling abandoned again. I know i was treating like shit but why do i want this to be fixed?
Why would a mother not care how her child feels and just apologize what happened to me, and not go to my dads funeral and overseas to throw his ashes? Why doesn't she care?
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Why would a mother not care how her child feels and just apologise what happened to me?
5 replies
pomegranate1975 · 15/11/2017 00:15
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