GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK/HAD ENOUGH

Bluemoon1 · 2017-11-15 00:12:04

Ok..... I think that it's about time that this year and life in general gave me a freaking break. I've had enough and not sure how much more I can go on before I have a complete breakdown. Approx 4 months ago, I lost a job I liked and had been in for almost 9 years, but I was struggling financially (minimum wage, too many bills etc) as well as physically...... lots of time off sick due to a very severe back prob and severe asthma which meant frequent chest infections (I don't smoke, never have) Following the loss of my job, there have been financial issues and things between my partner and I deteriorated further. He was abusive and threatening, demanded sex and when I was too tired, not in the mood or my back hurt he would not speak to me for days and we'd have a huge row and he would accuse me of cheating. The final straw came when he had been out watching the football, came home drunk, tried to 'force' me and smashed lots of my belongings. The following day whilst he was out I left and came to a refuge. I have been here for 6 weeks and i hate it here. There are no children involved. The thought of spending Christmas in this place is killing me.... My back pain is even worse due to the stress, steep stairs and the thin mattress, the people here are a nightmare (i understand that they have difficulties too) and I have had enough. I don't have any savings or any property. The property I lived at with my former partner was rented and only in his name. I left almost everything I owned from the house behind. The police have arrested him for assault and criminal damage etc etc....the court case is at the end of November and I am so scared that he will get away with what he has done to me. I was offered a 1 bed support property (flat) with the people who run the refuge; but it's only available for up to 2 years and it won't be available until after Christmas. I had reservations about accepting it anyway as I am worried that I am still in the assessment phase of ESA and if I get 'sanctioned' or whatever it is called I'll have no money for the bills etc. I don't know what to do for the best - i have so much going on at the moment that I can barely think straight. I have been considering getting a private rented, shared house although that too is a hurdle as few landlords will accept those who need to claim HB..... I have had an email from someone this eve who will. The house looks nice and it's in a good area with 2 other tenants in there. I have a real dilema and conflict going on in my head now I am totally stuck as I don't know if I want to go into a shared house situation and if I give up my place here and rent privately, I will drop back down the list on the priority allocations for a council property and lose the supported flat. The advantage of the shared house is that the landlord will accept HB and all bills are included in the rent payment so if I am sanctioned on ESA, I won't have to face weeks with no income and bills mounting up....all I will need is food. My head is spinning.....i honestly don't think that I can tolerate another week in this place. I am so sorry for waffling ......i am completely stuck. Grrrrr my muddled head.....forgot to add that I don't have any family or anyone that I can turn to. I feel so alone, lonely and isolated. I think i was vulnerable, my ex took advantage of that and exploited it. I just want to have a life and not for my life to be on freaking hold which it is here. I cant begin to move on from the trauma and emotional pain and make the physical pain lessen a little (swimming and physio etc) and get my life back while I am here being constantly reminded of what happened and having to listen to the experiences of the other residents..... that prob sounds heartless, i don't mean to be, but it's soooooo depressing and it drags you down and makes you feel bad....its preventing me from moving forward.

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We're talking to the OP off the boards and so we're taking this down now.