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Is it fair to "give it a go"?

(15 Posts)
JellyBean31 Tue 14-Nov-17 07:50:42

Been on 3 dates with a got I met online. We get on great & I've had loads of fun the times we've been out.

But... I don't find myself physically attracted to him. My friends say stick with it, as I do like his personality and the physical attraction might come in time.

We have had a snog and I did get a tingle, but I can't imagine DTD with him.

He seems very into me (his messages are a bit OTT gushy) and it doesn't seem fair to keep stringing him along while I'm unsure of where things will go. Thing is I'm not sure if I'm just self-sabotaging and looking for reason to end things (something I can be guilty of).

I've told him I don't see things going any further and he's been very respectful of my decision but says he hopes I'll reconsider because we do get on so well.

What would you do?

JellyBean31 Tue 14-Nov-17 07:51:10


Ladyformation Tue 14-Nov-17 08:01:38

After one date, I'd be seeing give it a second chance. Giving it a fourth chance seems like a waste of your time and his. That's not to say that you should immediately stop seeing him, but I wouldn't have thought it'll actually go anywhere from here.

TheNaze73 Tue 14-Nov-17 08:06:23

You’re get a plethora of different answers here but, for me if there was no sexual attraction on date 1, there would not be a date 2

expatinscotland Tue 14-Nov-17 08:10:41

Move on. Never, ever talk yourself into a relationship.

JellyBean31 Tue 14-Nov-17 08:11:29

That would be my usual MO too naze but that approach has been getting me nowhere fast, which is why I was trying a different approach to see if attraction built on the basis of a connection on a different level.

JellyBean31 Tue 14-Nov-17 08:12:05

Wise words expat thanks

badabing36 Tue 14-Nov-17 08:17:41

Would a man do that? If you weren't this guys type you wouldn't see him for dust. But women have to see the inner beauty and be nice. Screw that, it's crueller to string someone along imo.

Trills Tue 14-Nov-17 08:19:40

After 3 dates, do you really WANT to keep going on dates with someone you don't fancy?

I wouldn't want to.

Cricrichan Tue 14-Nov-17 08:20:48

I've never done online dating, just gotten to know someone and the attraction has built up.

I have been pursued by men who though I've liked I've known I'd never feel attracted to (nothing to do with looks).

Trills Tue 14-Nov-17 08:21:01

If you strongly feel that it's important for you to be in a relationship, and you'd rather be seeing someone you like but don't fancy than be single, then go ahead. It seems as if some of your friends take that approach. But that doesn't sound like fun to me.

JellyBean31 Tue 14-Nov-17 08:36:59

Being in relationship for the sake of it isn't high on my agenda, so that's definitely not the driving force.

As far 's what my friends are saying, I wonder if they are trying to give me dose of reality because (as I said) my track record isn't great where I've placed physical attraction high on my list.

I've been attracted to guys only after getting to know them better in the past, but this has usually been in situations where I'd be seeing them anyway (work etc) rather than meeting purely to see if that attraction grows.

He is a nice guy and we do get on, but he's definitely looking for a relationship and not another friend.

TammySwansonTwo Tue 14-Nov-17 11:59:32

My husband and I were friends for years - I didn't really fancy him, I was in a relationship and didn't look at him like that, but found him more and more attractive as we got to know each other more. We've been together 10 years now and both find each other extremely attractive despite the advancing of years, pregnancy taking its toll etc.

All of my relationships have been with people I've been friends with first - I've tried to start things up with people I've found physically attractive but then we have nothing in common and their personalities usually make them less attractive to me. I think I could be sexually attracted to most men if I found their personality attractive. It's something that takes a while for me, fleeting lust is pretty pointless and over quickly anyway.

I'd tell him you're not interested in him like that but you do get on well and would really like to be friends - see what happens.

JellyBean31 Tue 14-Nov-17 13:15:17

tammy I know ow it can happen and is probably a better basis for a relationship than one founded on initial attraction. In this case though I don't think it's fair to offer friendship (when he's been clear he wants more) with a caviat that it might lead somewhere when by the same token it might not.

TammySwansonTwo Tue 14-Nov-17 13:25:36

I wouldn't give him that caveat - if you get on as well as you say, I'd want to be friends with him, up to him to decide whether he can handle that or is too emotionally involved.

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