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Don't trust him, huge breach of trust

(4 Posts)
Radelaide Tue 14-Nov-17 05:27:53

First ever post here, just have to vent. Since yesterday I have been in a state. I mistakenly came across some paperwork that indicated that my husband (of 19 years) has purchased a property without my knowledge. We are reasonably well off and have other investment properties, however we've always bought them in joint names, and I have been involved in the purchase. I questioned him when I found this paperwork, asked him if he has bought a property without my knowledge. He denied it and said it must be a mistake. I said I would ring the phone number and he said he'd do it later. Five minutes later he says he has a confession to make. Yes, he did buy the property two years ago, thinking that as his mother (who lives in Europe) could live in it if she needs (she's 80). She basically has no family once husband's stepfather dies. He said he didn't tell me because I would be upset she would be coming to live close to us "knowing how you feel about my mother". I find this unbelievable as firstly we have our differences but have always tolerated each other, and secondly she already has an apartment 20 minutes drive from us, right on the beachfront, that she loves. In the past she has come and stayed in this apartment for two or three months, once every year or so. He swears this is the reason he bought this new apartment.

Since I have had a look at this apartment online. It is a brand new luxury penthouse apartment in the tallest residential building in my city, and was bought for $2m! I do not know what to think. Firstly I considered he was keeping a mistress, but found the tennant's name on the paperwork. It is actually a high profile businessman and his family. Was he buying it on the sly in case we separate? That is the only reason I can think of. I am so angry, haven't spoken to him since last night but not sure how to ask questions without getting emotional. He can be verbally aggressive (never physically) when cornered and he will just lie with his answers anyway. What shall I ask him? For purchase documents? Has he bought others (asked him yesterday and of course he said no)? If he has ever transferred money to his mother? I'm so upset.

Poshindevon Tue 14-Nov-17 07:24:19

I dont know what country you live in but I suggest you see a lawyer and have the property put in joint names or at the very least have a lien put on the title deeds so he cannot sell the property without your knowledge. A property/conveyancing lawyer will know how to do this from the address and can obtain a copy of the property deeds for you.
Do you work or are you reliant on your husband financially? Where has the rent for this property been going for the last 2 years, I am sure its a large amount.
If your so worried see a divorce lawyer and find out what you would be entitled to if he leaves you.
You need to talk to your husband calmly so compose yourself.
Frankly while this is a breach of trust for you it is not the disaster you believe it to be. You are well off with investment properties, while some people on this forum have lost their home or are a single parent struggling to put a roof over their heads with dead beat ex husbands and partners who do nothing
I do hope you are able to sort things out.

OrangeCarpet Tue 14-Nov-17 11:47:07

Ask him all the questions you have put here. He’s lied about something big for a very long time. Of course the trust is gone. He’s going to need to be completely honest and show evidence of everything. He needs to understand that by not telling you he has lied and it’s not acceptable. You could tell him you are considering whether there is a future for you together after this lie.
What does he say when he is verbally abusive?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Tue 14-Nov-17 11:58:41

This is such a big deal & tbh there is no way I could move on from this & stay married to him.

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