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A response to this

(10 Posts)
BalaRua Mon 13-Nov-17 19:17:04

DH and I have argued a lot since DS2.5 was born. From the petty and the trivial to the more serious issues, we've argued over all sorts. I've had a lot of 'emotional issues' and I'm aware of that but decided to wait until DS self weaned from the breast to get help. So approx 5 weeks ago he finally self weaned.

I have always wondered if it's me causing the arguments with my 'emotional issues' so took the chance to go to the doctors and get sorted to see if that helped things. Last week I was prescribed firstly propranolol which I tried for 2 days but aggravated my asthma, however now I'm on sertraline and already I feel like a new person - nothing's a problem, laughing more, just all round feel good on these tablets.

While I was trying out propranolol, DH and I had a 'petty' argument and I asked him 'what's the matter with you?' In response to a snotty comment he'd made, his reply was 'nothing's the matter with me, I'm not the one having to take drugs'. At the time I was aware it was totally out of order and said nothing but I'm almost sure he'll say something like this again in an argument. The main question is this: what could I say as an appropriate, measured response to this?

Sorry if this is a bit of a garbled message. I hope it makes sense.

Ausparent Mon 13-Nov-17 19:22:11

Can't give you a measured response but fuck off sounds pretty appropriate to me in those circumstances. ..

TrojansAreSmegheads Mon 13-Nov-17 19:27:16

id be tempted to reply of course i need them, i live with you.

but i know that is inflamatory.

the more sensible thing to do is to not wait until the next row but to sit down when calm and say how hurtful and disrespectful that comment was and that depression is not a stick to beat you with and you need him to treat you with more respect than that.

NotTheFordType Mon 13-Nov-17 19:28:10

Well my first response would probably be "Have you been a cunt all your life, or had special training?"

But a more measured response if you think the relationship is worth saving is probably just saying "What do you mean by that?" and then pursue down the "You must realise what you said is incredibly hurtful, given society's stigmatisation of mental health issues and the enormous bravery of every person, like me, who actually seeks medical help rather than just denying the problem exists whilst hurting everyone around them?" route.

(If feeling bitchy you can then add "Like you are, right?" on the end)

Mylifeisfucked Mon 13-Nov-17 19:44:43

My ex (very recent) ex done this to me all the time in arguments. It's horrible. One of many, many reasons I left him. It's completelynout of order and so frustrating, I really can empathise flowers

HellonHeels Mon 13-Nov-17 19:48:16

He's horrible sad Do you think his unpleasant behaviour might actually be contributing to your poor mental health?

MindWillingBodyNotSoMuch Mon 13-Nov-17 20:02:27

NotTheFord LOVING that response grin

Bala There is lots of information on PND around, it may be worth enlightening your DH to the catastrophic consequences of leaving the issue untreated. Also he may need a little education on the fact that the family situation and having no support (physical, emotional and mental) can add to the sometimes devastating effects of PND.

I'll have a look and see if I can find anything short and sweet as he sounds a tad like he may not take a lot of information in x

Joysmum Mon 13-Nov-17 20:06:48

Ask him if he said that deliberately to hurt you. If he says no, say that it cut you deeply and what would he suggest you do?

Hopefully it was thoughtless rather than an indication of anything else.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 13-Nov-17 20:10:02

I might be ill but at least I’m not ignorant.

BalaRua Mon 13-Nov-17 20:42:06

Thank you - I have some good ideas now!! I am lucky in that I feel like I have had a very long time struggling with these feelings and used a lot of that time to reflect and try and see a root cause, as I hoped that that would ultimately help me to be able to overcome the feelings without the need for medication but it turns out it was too much to cope with alone and the tablets have just taken the edge off and really helped me feel like I can cope. There is no doubt that some of DHs behaviour has contributed towards my low mood, although it wouldn't be fair to blame him entirely. I find it abhorrent that he'd use my illness as a weapon but had trouble verbalising/articulating that at the time.

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