Has anyone else been in the horrible position of being separated but still living with DH?🙁
Married 17 years.
Unhappy for past 10yrs
Asked for divorce and him to move out 7 yrs ago and 4 yr ago. He refused both.I wasn’t and still not in position to move out.
We have 2 teenagers 15 and 17and pets.
3 Yrs ago realised I am living with a sociopath.. he has all the traits including indifference to his own kids.
In fact it feels that I have been raising kids alone with little if any input from him.
A few days ago I found out about gaslighting.. he has been doing it as long as I remember. Everything makes sense now💡!
When I mentioned going for an official separation 3 years ago he quit his job making himself dependant on me! He is working again now but I feel I have to watch my step...he is so manipulative.
I got advice from a lawyer at the time who told me if we split I would have to pay DH maintenance until he got another job!
To cut very long story short we have agreed to separate 3 months ago. It’s unofficial ,we are living separate lives most of the time anyway but I feel he is still trying to gaslight me.I know better how to deal with it now but still I feel on edge all the time. I don’t think this separation thing is going well.
When he wants sex he seems to forget about our separation and tries to love bomb me! For example in sitting room ( we only have one) he will come and sit very close , trying to put arm round me. Bombard me with compliments which he never did since we married. It’s feels very creepy as I know there is no affection in it ... more a case of a challenge to him, hoping he will win ( he hasnt😄) . We do have separate bedrooms. Most of the time when kids aren’t about I sit in my bedroom.
The kids themselves have said that they only expect ‘basic care’ (their comment not mine) from their dad. He will cook for them if I am not home but that’s it really. There is no other interaction. He prefers to watch tv all the time.The kids spend a lot of their time in their rooms or out with friends.That May be normal for kids their age anyway?They are doing well at school.
The 15 year old has said feels depressed. Has seen dr. Referred to MH team.DD says it’s to do with Low light in winter but I’m not sure.
I know the advice for dealing with gaslighters is ‘ no contact’. But that’s just not possible at present.
I am waiting until kids finish school then hopefully in better position to leave.I cannot afford to move out just now and rent somewhere else as well as pay half mortgage for our house.Also we have a dog and the kids still have their rabbits they got when they were about 10.this also makes renting difficult.
The latest thing which makes me uneasy is I found out someone had tried to log into my Facebook account. It was from DH iPad. I have met someone else online . But not met yet. I told DH that as we have agreed to separate I am free to meet someone else and so is he.He seemed ok with this but maybe due to controlling nature is not.
Would appreciate some advice or anyone with similar experience as at present I feel very alone.It seems such a mess!😩
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Separated/ gaslighted/ living with DH
10 replies
eggncress · 13/11/2017 11:27
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