Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

my ex has broken the promise already

(26 Posts)
AprilFall Mon 13-Nov-17 11:14:58

Me and my ex split over issues with his drinking and aggression. Both his parents are alcoholics, and his father abused his mother - he mentioned how this relationship was reminding him of his father.

To name a few times, he has squared up to me where security guards had to intervene, has compared me to other girls he's slept with, has broken things off three times because I said something "wrong" when he was drunk, let a female friend sleep next to him in our bed after a night of heavy drinking. And he left me with facial bruising, a cut eye, a bloodied nose and internal bleeding after having sex after we broke up (where I was myself intoxicated).

After seeing the pictures of what he did to me, he was really really upset, scared and haunted - in his own words. He vowed to get therapy to help him and that he would stop drinking with immediate effect. This was 2 weeks ago. Last night, I found out he was in the pub we used to go to with his mates. A week before, he informed me the night after that he had gone for a pint with his workmates as he was leaving.

I'm devastated he hasn't taken this seriously at all. I am thinking of sending him a text basically outlining when it's not on, and that I don't want any further contact. Is that a good idea, or would it be better to literally just block him and let him get on with it.

I'm probably more sad as I'm going through a really hard time, and he has acted like he was there for me, but really just going out and getting pissed.

Gertieandme Mon 13-Nov-17 11:17:06

Block. You’ve got rid of an alcoholic abusive prick. No text is going to suddenly make him want to change

Justbookedasummmerholiday Mon 13-Nov-17 11:17:53

Best idea? Report him to the police for assault..
Then block his number - why do you need it?

SuperLoudPoppingAction Mon 13-Nov-17 11:18:42

Yes - you've been able to get away from someone who has harmed you. Try and get as much support as possible to stay away and stay safe.
There are lots of people out there who don't treat anyone in this way.

MrsBertBibby Mon 13-Nov-17 11:22:53

And I fear he needs rid of you, too, if you were drinking with him.

You can't help him, and you may be stopping him getting help.

Dauphinoise Mon 13-Nov-17 11:24:03

just block him and let him get on with it. - this option.

He deserves no more of your wasted time or effort. You don't need to say any thing to him, he'll know exactly why you've cut him off. He's perfectly aware of his issues but is unwilling to change.

I'm sorry you've experienced this. I've been in a similar relationship myself. Finally cutting off ANY contact and NEVER responding to his attempts to worm his way back in was the only way to get rid. He tried for several weeks but he got bored eventually.

Heartofglass12345 Mon 13-Nov-17 11:26:49

Please run for the hills! Why are you even considering giving him another chance?!

LastOneDancing Mon 13-Nov-17 11:27:22

Are you looking for an excuse to contact him again?

Gertieandme Mon 13-Nov-17 11:33:45


steppemum Mon 13-Nov-17 11:35:38

I am so sorry you have been through this. But as I read your OP, I thought every single thing you mentioned was the sort of thing that would make anyone say - leave and run.

Of course he is drinking again. This isn't about you, it is about the fact he is an addict. However dangerous and destructive his behaviour, he is addicted and will go back again and again until HE finally comes to a point where he has to stop.

Block him, cut all ties, refuse any contact.
Do you realise he assaulted you? Did you consent? was it rape?
Why would you want to be with anyone who did that to you.

please cut contact.

Giraffey1 Mon 13-Nov-17 11:36:28

Why do you even want to ocntact him? He's your EX, isn't he?

FrogFairy Mon 13-Nov-17 11:42:16

And he left me with facial bruising, a cut eye, a bloodied nose and internal bleeding after having sex after we broke up

Next time he could kill you.

I think you need to break all ties with him. Block, delete, no contact at all. Then maybe seek help for yourself to make sure you never accept this abuse from anyone else in the future.

Pacificly Mon 13-Nov-17 12:12:52

Leave him to it he's your ex now what he does or doesnt do to tackle his alcoholism after your spilt is his own lookout.
Be thankful he ie no longer your p.
Seeking counseling and support elsewhere
You can't fix him its not your role in anyways.
Block and move on to healing you

Desmondo2016 Mon 13-Nov-17 12:26:06

He's already your ex so why do you care. Any promises he made are irrelevant and it's his own lookout now.

Theresnonamesleft Mon 13-Nov-17 12:30:54

Even if he hadn’t broke his promise would you really have got back with him? No.
Neither of you owe each other anything. Carry on with your life without him. What he does is his problem.

PNGirl Mon 13-Nov-17 12:38:46

This is your ex. For a reason. I don't even know what country mine lives in! Block and leave him to it.

unfortunateevents Mon 13-Nov-17 13:16:16

He is your EX (and for very good reasons). Why would you want to tell him anything at all?? Block him and move on.

SandyY2K Mon 13-Nov-17 13:16:46

He's not your problem anymore.if he drinks himself to death, it's on him.

schoolgaterebel Mon 13-Nov-17 19:28:57

'And he left me with facial bruising, a cut eye, a bloodied nose and internal bleeding after having sex'

I'm failing to understand why you are still in touch with this abusive, destructive cunt. Why haven't you cut ties?

AnyFucker Mon 13-Nov-17 19:31:10

Block him and keep him blocked.

No excuses.

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 13-Nov-17 20:01:56

Do you have kids with him?

Junebugjr Mon 13-Nov-17 20:09:28

I think you are asking the wrong question. Forget about him.
You need to be asking yourself, why you feel the need to get in touch with this violent man again. Why you are willing to settle for an aggressive alcoholic.
Get on the freedom programme, and focus on yourself and your own wants and needs, concentrate on building up your own support networks/social life etc.
There's a life out there, free from fear, pissheads and walking on eggshells, go get it. flowers

Dozer Mon 13-Nov-17 20:15:06

No contact best. And the Freedom Programme and support for you, including with alcohol issues if you too have a problem.

Were you hoping abusing and injuring you and you leaving would be his “rock bottom” and that he’d stop drinking permanently?

You didn’t cause it and can’t cure it. He may or may not get sober.

A friend’s alcoholic ex - never physically abusive - made all kinds of promises when she left: she maintained contact only as regards the DC. he is still drinking 5 years on and is worse. Addictions can be very hard to break.

Maelstrop Mon 13-Nov-17 20:46:35

He's your ex. Do you have dc with him? If not, why the heck are you still in contact with him?

PoorYorick Mon 13-Nov-17 21:23:56

It's probably cold comfort, but there is no way such a nasty, abusive, violent, self-centred, spiteful sack of shit of a man will ever be happy.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: