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I've been asked out in real life, but am rubbish, help!

(67 Posts)
Quiddichcup Mon 13-Nov-17 10:04:40

Wise mnetters, I am so utterly useless with men, having been single for 10 years. That I need your help!

I met someone in my new job, back in April. He was also new and I would sometimes see him on the way in and we would walk and chat. I'm so awkward around men if I think there might be something there... so I took to hiding to avoid him. When I did next see him I got a huge , unexpected hug and I felt ok that he might like me and was more open. This went on for a while, nice chats, bit of affection but he didn't ask me out and so I assumed that was just his culture ( he is itallian) and he was being friendly. I felt slightly embarrassed that o had thought it could be anything more and just stopped thinking about it. I've only seen him for maybe 10 mins, in passing, since the summer.

Anyway, I was very surprised on Friday, to get a Facebook friend request off him. I don't know how he found me as I have no idea how he knew my last name. I accepted and he asked me if I would like to get drinks together sometime. I said it would be great, next weekend? And just got a thumbs up and a heart emoji.

And that's it.

That was saturday.

What do I do now? I feel like maybe it was as friends? And why hasn't he chatted to me more? I am so useless with men and am terrified of looking like an idiot.

Please help !

cakecakecheese Mon 13-Nov-17 10:58:07

I'm not sure I'd want to date someone who communicates only using emojis!

But anyway, are you likely to see him in person this week? If yes you can bring it up then. If not maybe inbox him with your phone number and tell him to text you regarding that drink. If he responds again only using emojis please just give up!

SandyY2K Mon 13-Nov-17 11:01:51

There's nothing wrong with the emojis. He's happy you've accepted his invitation.

Just go along and be yourself... and relax. ☺

Quiddichcup Mon 13-Nov-17 11:04:34

I know, it's odd and has put me on the back foot because I don't know quite what's going on. Had he have just set a day and time when I wouldn't be feeling this way.

I've just facebooked him saying I hope his first day back is going ok. Probably shouldn't double message but what the hell.

I saw him this morning but drove round the block as I had my teenage daughter with me and that would have been really awkward.

Quiddichcup Mon 13-Nov-17 11:05:31

Sandy, ive nothing to go along to. There are no plans.

KinkyAfro Mon 13-Nov-17 11:07:53

I'd wait for him to get in touch

Shoxfordian Mon 13-Nov-17 11:09:45

Don't message him again until he messages you

Quiddichcup Mon 13-Nov-17 11:20:55

Ok.

He's said if it's ok for me, catch up Saturday.

It's not looking like it's a date, is it?

ZeroFeedback Mon 13-Nov-17 11:25:31

Not sure there has to be rules around who messages when, what they say or who arranges what just yet.

Trying to look at things from his potential point of view, it may be that he has wanted to ask you out for some time but has been building up the courage to do it in a direct way. He may be just as crap and anxious as you about the whole thing.

To have found you on Facebook he has clearly needed to ask someone at work what your surname is, search for you on Facebook and pluck up the courage to send a friend request, wait for you to accept (not knowing whether you will or not) and follow up with asking you out.

It could be that he is waiting for you to suggest a day, time etc. He may not know whether you have accepted thinking it is a date thing or just as friends either.

Not sure why it would have to be all down to him or a case of waiting to see who breaks first - both of you could be driving yourselves mental by trying to read the other based on a couple of fb messages.

Why not help you both out and suggest a day and time and ask where he would fancy going?

ZeroFeedback Mon 13-Nov-17 11:29:18

sorry OP, cross post.

Doesn't sound like a just work friends either - Saturday rather than Friday after work sounds more like date territory than work friends to me.

Quiddichcup Mon 13-Nov-17 11:35:16

We don't work in the same area at all, so he wouldn't have been able to ask my name. There are 4 thousand employees here, so bit of a needle in a haystack.

I actually hate dating. This is why I haven't done it in so long!

ZeroFeedback Mon 13-Nov-17 11:45:51

Even more of a sleuthing effort than I thought OP. That could explain why it took so long and seemed out of the blue!

In all seriousness though (before we get the cries of creepy stalker etc) it could be as simple as he took a look at your pass when you were talking once.

I would cut through the BS and uncertainty for both of your sakes.

Why not ask the direct question?

"Saturday's good for me. What were you thinking? A friendly catch up over coffee or a date?"

Quiddichcup Mon 13-Nov-17 15:31:18

Oh, I couldn't possibly ask that, just because it's someone I'm likely to see agsin at work and i would be so embarrassed.

BulletFox Mon 13-Nov-17 15:35:33

Sounds like it could be nice. Wait until he gets in contact about meeting, then go along and enjoy chatting to him.

MiniTheMinx Mon 13-Nov-17 16:06:14

He said drinks together.. ..could be coffee or a quick drink, except he has sent a heart emoji, so I'd assume it's a date. It's Saturday because he's said "catch up Saturday" now you need a time and a place.

If he sent the last message I'd probably reply "look forward to it, say 8 o'clock, place....I'll let you choose xx" I think the trick is to look interested, and reciprocate his enthusiasm without seeming to be either pushy or too keen. It's a ridiculous game really!

Quiddichcup Tue 14-Nov-17 18:20:10

I do not like playing games.

No contact from him at all since my message yesterday. I am most definitely going off the boil.

Pinkpillows Tue 14-Nov-17 18:26:35

I had to go against the grain but this sounds like friendship and nothing more. I'd not be comfortable saying this is a date, its not fair.

Meet for drinks but treat it as casual friendship

Whisky2014 Tue 14-Nov-17 18:30:01

But why would he message again so soon? He will message on fri I think to make the saturday plan.

WeAllHaveWings Tue 14-Nov-17 18:31:28

In ye olden days before the invention of mobile phones and the internet I would make plans for a date the week before, agree time and place and not have any further communication unless it was to cancel, I’d just show up and hope they would too.

You’ve arranged to meet up, I would leave it until Friday and if he hasn’t contacted you send a message saying “we still on for tomorrow? Where do you fancy going?”, then meet up and just see how it goes. Or if you need to know more details sooner text and say, for example “I’m meeting friends after our drink, can we met early?”. No need to play games.

Quiddichcup Tue 14-Nov-17 18:44:47

It's not the olden days though, is it? 😉

It's what I used to do too. But, it's 2017. You might think, if he wanted to chat a little, he went to the hastle of finding me etc. And yes, if he liked me might want to engage in a bit of chatting, especially since I haven't really seen him since August!

I think it's a friend thing too. Or maybe not even that. I'll not message him again, yesterdays ' hey, hope your first day back isn't too bad" got a swift " change the topic, I'm back off annual leave "

Humour maybe lost in translation but not overly flirty 😉 especially when followed by ' catch up Saturday if ok for You which sounded a bit like he didn't want to talk to me till Saturday.

Shankarankalina Tue 14-Nov-17 19:03:58

Funny not funny I am experiencing the same with an Italian man. It's all 'great!! Let's catch up on this weekend wine!' and then the days tick by ...

Quiddichcup Tue 14-Nov-17 19:08:25

Maybe it's an itallian thing?!!?

Spidermom76 Tue 14-Nov-17 22:06:10

I'm seeing an italian too and it's the same! Radio silence after the date is arranged, It's very confusing

Shankarankalina Tue 14-Nov-17 23:03:27

Whatever the Italian is for 'not impressed', that is wot I am.

Dozer Tue 14-Nov-17 23:07:51

But the day for the date is arranged, no need for messages except to confirm the place and time!

Confirm those by giving him your phone number or over FB and go meet him. So what if it comes to nothing and you bump into him occasionally at work - woman up!

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