Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do you move on?

(11 Posts)
lostin2017 Mon 13-Nov-17 07:40:26

My 4 year relationship has just ended and I feel completely broken. I just don't know how to move on. I can't stop thinking about him and I keep crying. I'm struggling to make myself get out of bed and get on with life.

How can I put my life back together and move on? I just don't know where to start sad

Teddy7878 Mon 13-Nov-17 07:43:32

Did he end it?
TBH you'll probably feel like that for a few weeks as it's almost like experiencing grief. Someone who was a part of your life every day for 4 years is suddenly no longer involved. It's hard!
All I can advise is to keep busy and don't torture yourself by trying to contact him or looking at his social media etc. I used to leave my phone in another room in the evenings when I was watching a film as I knew I'd end up texting him or constantly checking to see if he had made contact.
Hope you're ok

lostin2017 Mon 13-Nov-17 07:54:07

Yes, he's ended it and I don't even know why. We were so happy a few weeks ago. I've read on here about women who are happy being on their own and I want to be like that, I just don't know where to start when participating in life seems such a struggle atm

lostin2017 Mon 13-Nov-17 07:55:48

I've blocked him on FB, but just can't bring myself to block him on text.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Mon 13-Nov-17 07:58:49

When I threw my exh out I cried for 3 weeks, then blocked all ways of contact, deleted his number, bought a new bed +bedding. Threw out all the stuff he had picked (tat) and bought stuff I actually liked!!
Quickly realised I had the chance of a happy life now!!

And I have!!

Teddy7878 Mon 13-Nov-17 07:59:06

Did he give a good reason or was it just totally out of the blue?
Definitely don't contact him first whatever you do as it will put the power in his hands. after a couple of weeks it will get a lot easier having no contact. Don't put your life on hold for someone who doesn't think you're worthy enough. There will be someone else eventually who will never make you feel like you aren't good enough for him

lostin2017 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:10:47

Thanks justbook and teddy. It's just out of the blue. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. I think he obviously didn't love me so I hate the fact I'm so upset over him - I want to be strong and move on, but I'm finding it so difficult to do anything

OnTheRise Mon 13-Nov-17 08:14:35

It's very hard. But the best way is to get busy and stay busy, and eventually you'll realise you're having a great time with your friends, and you'll feel so much better.

Block him on all social media, don't look at photos of him, remove things that remind you of him... go completely no contact, and that will help too.

Happy2018 Tue 14-Nov-17 21:49:48

Dear lostib2017, I was in a similar situation - he ended the relationship by text out of the blue (only a couple of hours after we talked over the phone and he sounded absolutely fine). I was taken aback, shocked and devastated. So I understand how you feel. It’s really hard because you keep on thinking about the good times that you’ve had and questioning what could have triggered it, what you might have said/did etc

I found it really difficult for the first couple of weeks but now - even though I still miss him- i find that I am thinking less and less about him and I keep on telling myself that he was not the right man for me. It’s gettibg easier and it will get easier for you too.

I agree with people who say that you should keep busy and stay busy. I find that reading does help too. I have also started new hobbies - things that I wanted to do for ages. OP, everything does heal eventually. You WILL get over this! You will be fine!
Hugs smile

lostin2017 Sun 19-Nov-17 09:31:36

Thanks ontherise. I'm struggling with the keeping busy. I need to get more organised and plan more things - it just all feels like such an effort at the moment.

I'm so sorry to hear it's happened to you too happy. It's just awful isn't it. I started reading 'it's called a break up because it's broken' last night and that made me feel a bit better. What hobbies have you started? I need to plan more things for a weekend and it's evenings that feel a bit empty and flat sad

ALittleBitConfused1 Sun 19-Nov-17 10:07:57

I was in a 6 year relationship that ended by him moving all of his belongings from the house and taking the front door key to my mums while i was at work. I didnt know it was over until i got home and saw he had taken half of everything we had ever bought together.
I didn't hear from him for 3 months when I then got a text simply saying sorry.
I never thought I would get over it but I did.
A year down the line and I realised that leaving me was the best thing he had ever done. The process was awful and painful but i learnt so much about myself and the strength I possessed.
A previous poster mentioned that it's like grief, that this is so true, a lot of research has been done on the similarity between your situation and that of a sudden unexpected death.
Look online for the stages of grief model, you will go through them all from, shock/disbelief (the stage you're in now) to acceptance, the final stage that allows you to move on. Take note of the feelings, allow yourself to feel them, you need to to be able to move through the process. The next few months aren't going to pleasant op, I'm not going to patronize you by telling you any different. But once you get through this, and you will op I know that, you will be a different, better, stronger person.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now