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Brother threatened me with violence in front of my children.

(3 Posts)
Flyingmoonpig Mon 13-Nov-17 06:02:13

Just that really. My brother who is 38 has long term issues with drugs and goes through periods of total sobriety, then falls off the wagon royally. His physical health is so bad as a result that he is now under the hospital for heart problems.

I've gone no contact in the past when he has erupted at me but things between us have been ok for the last couple of years. I don't goad him or talk about anything that might set him off but he is exhausting to be around.

He's just decided to move back from where he's been living and I saw him yesterday at my mums house.. I went there yesterday for dinner with my 3 young children. My brother started talking about certain things regarding money and family.. I pointed out the reality of some of the things he was discussing as he was really inaccurate and he became argumentative and nasty.

Told me I owed him money from years ago (not true) and kept laughing hysterically, then swearing at me, sticking his finger up at me, giving me horrible stares etc. I was about to leave and my mum came in, she spoke to him and he carried on but then left.

I felt bad that I didn't immediately leave but having not been around him for a while I couldn't see where it was going., he was so nasty to me and I told him he was abusive. He told me to get out as he now lives there (which he doesn't).. mum had invited me to dinner then we were taking the kids to the cinema.

I stood up for myself but as he left he said 'if you had a c* I would knock you out'.. horrible thing to say. It has upset me so much.. am angry at myself for putting me and the kids in this situation and for not leaving as soon as it started but I thought we were having a discussion, but it turned into an abusive argument. I did not swear or shout and stayed calm but was assertive in defending myself.

I will not put me or the kids in that situation again and will now go no contact again. He said he is going to die soon and we will all be sorry. It just makes me so sad that this is how he's turned out. My dad was verbally abusive towards my mum like he was yesterday towards me, on a regular basis.. so I grew up with this as normal. Me and the children's father split up this year and it's been so hard but I want to give them a positive childhood and experience healthy relationships. My brother reminded me so much of our dad yesterday and it took me right back. Literally had so much therapy to come to terms with my past and I feel like he's just throwing all my hard work back in my face. He's so damaged as a person which is hard to see.

If he is there for Christmas then me and the kids are going to stay home, which makes me sad that I may not see family on Christmas Day and angry at my mum for in effect, choosing him.. she has no boundaries with him and he completely takes advantage of her.

Just needed to get that out!!! Any other mumsnetters with rediculously dysfunctional families?? Stressed and poorly and going to call in sick today to work xxx

mayhew Mon 13-Nov-17 06:56:39

My brother is a milder but similar type. Alcoholic with collapsing health. He tried to punch me when our dad died.

When he came back to our home town (I don't live there) the best thing I did was to persuade my mum not to let him live with her.
I'm sure she'll outlive him. She's 81

Flyingmoonpig Mon 13-Nov-17 07:48:13

It's horrendous isn't it. After all the abuse she still got a dinner ready for him in case he came back! He's literally exploited everyone around him for years and has committed fraud and other crimes. He has stolen money from her and his health is so poor with his addiction problems.. only 38 and already had two heart attacks. My mum feels guilty about him as he suffered most at the hands of my father when we were small. I hope your mum manages to keep some boundaries.. my mum really struggles in that area, as do I to a certain extent but not as much as her xxx

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