Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would you think this relationship was wrong?

(34 Posts)
AnotherAnnoyingNamechange1 Mon 13-Nov-17 04:37:52

A teacher and former pupil. Pupil having been left a few years and was never actually taught by the teacher, although some interaction during sixth form.

Absolutely nothing ever went on at school, no closer than normal student/teacher relationships, no rumours or anything along those lines.

So honest opinions would you still think it was wrong on some level? And would you believe that there had been nothing untoward while at school?

AnotherAnnoyingNamechange1 Mon 13-Nov-17 04:42:11

Not a massive age difference either, less than 10 years. Early 20’s and late 20’s.
Sorry forgot to add that, incase it makes a difference.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Mon 13-Nov-17 04:58:22

Sounds fine.

I know of a woman who married her ex school teacher. There was no relationship until they met up through a mutual hobby (sport) when she was well in to her 20s.

FritzDonovan Mon 13-Nov-17 04:59:01

I think I'd find it slightly odd as the teacher had known the pupil while being in a position of authority, kind of like ppl going out with family friends they'd known as youngsters. I wouldn't assume anything had happened at school though.
Which one are you, teacher or pupil? grin

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 13-Nov-17 05:09:58

Fine. Had there been something going on, there would have been rumours, surely?

BulletFox Mon 13-Nov-17 05:28:25

Seems ok. I got into trouble for snogging a teacher at school but it was relatively innocent. It was just that we had a drinks do (during sixth form) and a teacher was trying to walk me back after and I plonked myself on his lap and kissed him at the same time the deputy head was coming around the corner.

No don't think there's any issue.

Ausparent Mon 13-Nov-17 05:30:41

Seems fine to me.

BikeRunSki Mon 13-Nov-17 05:54:11

It’s fine. I know several teachers married to ex-students in similar circumstances.

Redglitter Mon 13-Nov-17 05:57:10

Can't see anything wrong with it.

AnotherAnnoyingNamechange1 Mon 13-Nov-17 06:54:44

Thank’s for the replies.
I’m the pupil Fritz.
It’s very early days, we’re just dating and he says it’s fine, he’s not worried about people knowing or anything. But I am, I know some pupils at the school (friends younger siblings) and most of my teachers are still there.
I just wanted a outsiders opinion on how it might be viewed and if I’m being worried for no reason.

Ladyformation Mon 13-Nov-17 07:55:09

Totally fine. If he'd been your form tutor since you were 11, creepy. In the circumstances you describe, absolutely nothing weird at all. Crack on!

Kualabear Mon 13-Nov-17 08:05:19

At first I thought you might be French President, Emmanuel Macron😀

AnotherAnnoyingNamechange1 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:25:48

No definitely not Lady he didn’t start teaching there until I was in my gcse years and I didn’t take his subject. So he never taught me. He didn’t actually know where he knew me from at first, when we bumped into each other and we got chatting about a shared interest and it’s led from that.
I know there’s nothing dodgy in it on either side. But I told a friend who’s then sent me links to cases of teachers losing jobs for relationships with former pupils. I think in those cases it started very soon after them leaving though, but it added to my worry.

Ha! No I think that one is a bit weird really Kuala

TabbyMack Mon 13-Nov-17 08:52:19

Seems ok. I got into trouble for snogging a teacher at school but it was relatively innocent. It was just that we had a drinks do (during sixth form) and a teacher was trying to walk me back after and I plonked myself on his lap and kissed him at the same time the deputy head was coming around the corner

I realise you’ve posted this to show off, but if it’s even slightly true you should be fucking ashamed of yourself, not boasting about it. “Relatively innocent”? The man could have lost his job and been placed on the sex offenders register because of your disgusting behaviour. And no, being pissed is not an excuse.


TabbyMack Mon 13-Nov-17 08:53:14

OP....if you were my daughter, the relationship wouldn’t worry me in the slightest. It’s fine.

Trills Mon 13-Nov-17 08:54:08

If you're early 20s you've been out of school for a while, and he was never your teacher.

Not everyone you know will know that he was never your teacher, so they may think it's dodgier than it is.

So you'll have to decide whether you want to enlighten them every time, or just try to ignore it.

LumpySpaceCow Mon 13-Nov-17 08:57:31

No issues whatsoever. Don't over think it.

Trailedanderror Mon 13-Nov-17 08:58:28

It's fine. Maybe suggest he tells the school so they are forewarned when the inevitable reports are made.

Mirrormirrorotw Mon 13-Nov-17 09:32:53

Your friend sounds slightly unhinged, to be honest.

The situation doesn't have anything to do with who you were in relation to each other in the past. He was a teacher at your school - nothing ever happened. What goes on after you've left school is not relevant to the past.

Enjoy. Have fun.

AnotherAnnoyingNamechange1 Mon 13-Nov-17 10:10:37

My parents aren’t a worry Tabby they know and are fine about it.

I think that’s what I’m worrying about Trills and Trailedan, I’m really not looking for a relationship and I don’t want the whole explaining it or any problems for him at school. I think I feel bad that it could have an effect on his career and I’m not sure it will lead to anything long term.
But I really like him and we get on so well, have loads in common and he’s really understanding of the situation with my ex and baby dc.

I think I do just need to relax and enjoy it for what it is. I’ve not lied to him, he’s a adult and making the decision himself to keep seeing me.

AnotherAnnoyingNamechange1 Mon 13-Nov-17 10:13:59

Oh no she’s really not Mirror I’d spoke to her and expressed concern around if he’d get into trouble or not. Her sending me the links was more, they can but in these circumstances. But it still worried me, even though our situation is different.

mindutopia Mon 13-Nov-17 11:18:15

No, personally I wouldn't think anything of it, as long as the relationship began when both were adults and well past the end of school (as in, like not the first year or so after leaving). It never occurred to me until I was an adult myself how young some of my teachers were. I went to and all girls school and most teachers were female. I thought of them as authority figures. But it wasn't until I had a bf myself in school who was 21 (I was 16) and in came up in conversation with one of my teachers (who was just out of uni herself) how old her bf was (23). Our bf's were 2 years apart in age (never mind mine was considerably older than me). This seemed so weird as a 16 year old, but as an adult, it doesn't seem that surprisingly as she was only a few years older than I was. I can imagine that it might cause some rumours to fly and that's another issue entirely, but assuming those rumours are untrue and nothing happened until the younger partner was well out of school, no I wouldn't think anything of it. I think I would feel differently though maybe if there was a significant age gap (like 20s vs. 60s). I'm not sure why though.

Ellisandra Mon 13-Nov-17 11:28:20

Definitely no issue with it.
If you're worried, why not ask him to speak to his union rep and think about putting something in writing to his head?

jumpingdude Mon 13-Nov-17 11:33:43

There is nothing wrong with it but you're likely to get talked about.

When I was at school there were 2 teachers who were together and she was a former pupil. They were together a long while and it was STILL talked about in hushed tones.

fpurplea Mon 13-Nov-17 11:39:59

It's 100% fine in my book, and if it's as far down the line as you're implying, no-one is even going to really know, much less care. My friend got involved with her teacher the summer holiday after she left the school, that did raise a few eyebrows, especially when an ex got involved trying to cause problems. But they'd been very determined nothing was going to happen while she was still a student, and after it had been investigated, it was all fine. Happily married 10 years with DCs now. Go for it, you're both adults!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: