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Ex has been very sneaky

(9 Posts)
Anon171175 Sun 12-Nov-17 21:43:39

So, I split up from my ex about 7 months ago. I ended things at an awful time as his mum was terminally ill (i have another thread on this under different name). We were together 16 years and have 2 DC.
I have felt immense guilt about it ever since and he has been extremely nasty to me. He accused me of having an affair (I wasn't) and was just generally vile to me. i always kept my cool because part of me felt bad as I knew he had been through an awful time.
He even went through a phase of checking up on me on the weekends he had the kids, threatening to turn up early in the morning (probably hoping to catch me with someone). I was told things like 'how can you live with yourself, treating me like this' and all sorts of other stuff.
So I have just found out he has been seeing his ex girlfriend for MONTHS and possibly as soon as weeks after we split up. He has kept this very quiet and suspect his own family don't know about it.
I'm not even slightly jealous but feel immense anger that he has played the martyr and made me look like the bad one, all the while he found himself a new girlfriend.
I'd love to say something but feel I should keep it under my hat and use this as a trump card, the next time he says something vile.
Any advise on how I should deal with this?

DullAndOld Sun 12-Nov-17 21:46:12

just kind of twitch your lips a bit when he is whinging, as though u are holding back laughter.

Maelstrop Sun 12-Nov-17 22:32:11

Be the bigger person, but remind him you can see who you like and do who what you want now you're separated.

mickhucknallspinkpancakes Sun 19-Nov-17 23:23:38

What a complete numpty! My STBXH was just like this Op.

Making sarcastic comments about my partner, his job, his culture etc. How I jumped into bed so quickly after him (he walked out and this was 8 months after)

And my DS coming home from contact weekends saying his dad was so lonely and sad.

My god he really milked the martyr role...

He had a girlfriend all along!!! I found out because he accidentally sent me a text meant for her, then denied it. Then a week later they walked into a restaurant on a date when my DS and I and our friends were already in the restaurant. grin

Agree with PP just smirk knowingly.

AlternativeTentacle Sun 19-Nov-17 23:28:40

best thing to do is to ignore it as if you couldnt give a shit.

Anon171175 Mon 20-Nov-17 10:30:46

#mickhucknallspinkpancakes haha, love that story. Its pathetic really isnt' it? I've managed to keep it quiet, even when he has sent me more abuse by text, and its actually quite empowering knowing something.
If he eventually announces they are together, I can say "yeah I've known for months".
Knowledge is power.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Mon 20-Nov-17 10:46:27

If he texts you shit, like threatening to come back early, just reply "ok"

I find one word answers really piss them off without engaging with them.

Well done for doging that bullet.

Joysmum Mon 20-Nov-17 10:47:05

If coarse he believed it if you because he was capable of it himself.

This is why partners of cheaters never think their partners are capable of cheating, they assume their partners net shares their values.

Anon171175 Mon 20-Nov-17 11:08:01

#TaliZorahVasNormandy yes I find one word answers work very well too. Also ignoring abuse. I know he loves to get me angry and worked up so I'm learning to just not rise to anything anymore.
I'm sure part of him has been dying to let me know he has someone else. He will be gutted when he finds out he's been keeping it quiet all this time for no reason!!

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