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Not much in common. Can it work?

(23 Posts)
Dobopdidoo1 Sun 12-Nov-17 17:50:54

I’m dating someone who I fancy like mad, have amazing sex, good conversation and banter, but not much else.

Our main hobbies are very different. He’s sporty, I’m crap at sports. I like museums and history. He claims to be interested but I can tell he doesn’t really get it and gets bored even though he pretends otherwise.

I’m happy to have separate interests. But do you need common interests for a long term relationship to work?

hevonbu Sun 12-Nov-17 17:53:28

It helps if you have at least one common interest, I think, but otherwise no, it isn't a problem.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sun 12-Nov-17 17:53:29

My dh is a car freak. I am a book worm. Happy as Larry for 5 years, married with a toddler!!

esk1mo Sun 12-Nov-17 17:55:35

everyone likes something different in a relationship. for me i like to have alot in common with someone (eg gym, music taste, cooking, how we grew up, sense of humour etc). of course he has his own interests like making music, and i have my own in science, but for the most part we are very similar.

the last guy i had a thing with was good looking, into the gym etc but sooo dull, couldnt get sarcasm, liked different music, voted differently to me (total opposite), grew up differently, even the fact he preffered dogs over cats annoyed me grin

for some people they need differences like that, as long as they have the same values and outlook on life. if it bothers you then it bothers you, and you shouldnt force yourself to be ok with it.

Acadia Sun 12-Nov-17 17:55:38

Personally I don't think so. I don't share many interests with my husband any more because I enjoy trying new things, going out and meeting people and he enjoys sitting and working until 3am on his laptop, so he has fun doing his thing and I have fun doing mine. Do I wish I had a nice boyfriend to spend lunches and museum trips and city breaks with? Yeah. But... well, things are what they are.

I don't think it's a given you would have rocked up and joined his football team anyway, so don't worry about the sports, and he's a big old baby if he demands you stand in the rain watching him.

However, I probably would have doubts about someone who "didn't get" museums and history... I think we'd just be too different in the long run. I once worked with a bloke who seemed proud of the fact he did not own any books, and while I figure to some people that's as irrelevant as not owning any fancy china teacups, to me it was indicative of other personality differences.

Brandnewstart Sun 12-Nov-17 17:56:52

Me and my partner are like chalk and cheese. However, we have lovely times together and an amazing sex life. We've been dating 2.5 years. It did use to worry me but my parents are the same so obviously it can work (they've been together 40+ years).
I think it's about having similar values on life for me.

ineedamoreadultieradult Sun 12-Nov-17 17:57:43

When we met DH was very into films and music, I was not interested and fellmasleep during most films he made me watch. I loved extreme sports, he didn't and broke his ankle the first time I took him skiing. We have been together 16 years and married for 10 with two kids and very happy. He will sometimes watch a film or two when I am doing something else or after I have gone to bed, I might do a bungee jump every now and then for charity but we have found a joint love of good food and Rugby which neither of us had before. We are also very involved in the kids hobbies.

So no I don't think it is necessary as you will both change over the years anyway.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 12-Nov-17 17:59:01

Are you happy and interested listening to his pace timings and plans for adding weight to his reps? Is he happy hearing about the British Library roof and new evidence about a female Viking warrior? If so; great. If not; you may have issues in the future.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sun 12-Nov-17 18:10:13

As a mner I feel you should enquire about his laundry habits - floordrobe /hung up, washes own stuff or will expect you to do it, same with cooking, paying bills etc.
If he fails those enquiries then obviously ltb.

Dobopdidoo1 Sun 12-Nov-17 18:20:58

Thanks all smile
I’m feeling much better about the odds now.
He does like history etc just not as nerdy as me.
I don’t hate sports, just I’m crap at them. But I like watching.

So hopefully the future is bright!

mylittlepony6 Sun 12-Nov-17 18:43:14

I think it can work. My DH is into rock music, gardening, cooking. I am into books, poetry, languages but we do have a joint love of football and seafood. We do have similar views, both very left wing (I think that is important) good luck!

TheHandmaidsTail Sun 12-Nov-17 18:58:21

DH is mad about cricket, football and guitar music.

I have no interest in any of that, preferring reading, history and crap tv smile Works for us! I am way more into music these days, and he pretends to hate my crap tv and yet asks knowledgeable questions when he misses an episode hmm

mindutopia Sun 12-Nov-17 19:38:33

I think you need some common interests, but more it's about personality and values and long term life goals for a really solid relationship. My dh and I do enjoy some similar things - travel, the outdoors, and frankly, drinking (we pretty much go to know each other because we were like the 'fun' ones in a group of friends who always seemed to stay out the latest when everyone else went home for a cup of tea and an early night, so that's how we initially became friends and then started dating). But we absolutely have loads of things, like hobbies, that are completely not the same. I'm more active (or was, at least when we met before kids). He was into fishing and hunting and archery, but I was a strict vegetarian and hated all of that. He is much more into films and music than me. We have very different professional interests and careers (which is actually refreshing as we don't often talk about work at home). But our personalities are very complementary (completely different actually but we work well together). We have similar values, want the same sorts of things out of life, have similar kinds of friends, see ourselves doing the same sorts of things when we get older and retire, so life goals very similar, etc. I think in time you grow to develop interests in common and to respect (if not always love) each others hobbies and interests.

ephemeralfairy Sun 12-Nov-17 23:39:08

DP and I are very different in some ways: background/upbringing in particular. However we have the same sense of humour and political outlook and I think we've learned from each other. It doesn't have to be a problem.

PuertoVallarta Mon 13-Nov-17 07:40:20

I think what matters in this kind of situation is that one thing you have in common is not feeling like you have to have everything in common with your partner.

I hope that makes sense.

I couldn't be with someone who thought we should have loads of common interests. And someone who thought that couldn't be with me. Because it would be not having a fundamental criteria in common.

TheNaze73 Mon 13-Nov-17 07:47:58

I think having your own interests & pursuits is really healthy in a relationship. Allows breathing time and is as important as time together

TammySwansonTwo Mon 13-Nov-17 17:29:28

I don't think you have to share interests but you do need to be able to sit and talk about the things they love without getting bored. Being able to talk to each other and having constant and varied topics of conversation are more important.

I also think that similar levels of intelligence (not necessarily education), morals, values, goals are more important than shared interests, but if you want to spend your time going to restaurants and wine tastings and the other person wants to go on piss ups and clubbing, and neither is interested in the other, you're going to struggle!

niteandfog Mon 13-Nov-17 17:50:44

IMHO no, you need something in common. My marriage is partly in shambles for this reason and another one I know.. I think it depends if the hobbies are just hobbies or passions. When you're passionate about something you want to share it with someone.. I know about this

ferrier Mon 13-Nov-17 17:56:05

How about developing a shared interest together? Learn a language, gardening, rocket science, anything you can do together.

SandyY2K Mon 13-Nov-17 18:05:32

Opposites attract.

Dobopdidoo1 Mon 13-Nov-17 18:18:46

I don't think you have to share interests but you do need to be able to sit and talk about the things they love without getting bored. Being able to talk to each other and having constant and varied topics of conversation are more important.

I agree. And whilst we don’t have any hobbies in common, we do enjoy each other’s company and conversation.

ConfusedNottinghamMomma Mon 13-Nov-17 21:03:17

My wife always cites not having anything in common as (one of) the reasons for splitting. I have been with several women for 2+ year relationships and while things are 'easier' with the ones into the same things (I am thinking cinema / meals / sports / holiday types etc) the ones with nothing in common is differnt but you just love in differnt ways - no biggy.

mumisnotmyname Mon 13-Nov-17 22:38:38

We have always enjoyed talking and being together even when we disagreed on most things. We like doing some of the same things and others not so much. We reckon the differences help keep us interested in each other, although I mumsnet while he watches action films!

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