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Where to go from here and don't know how to feel

(3 Posts)
Allsortsofspuds Sun 12-Nov-17 16:01:42

Me and my partner have been together for over 13 years and share 5 children together. We have our issues like all couples do but this weekend out of the blue I had to call the police on him due to his behaviour.
Basically we were arguing over a bottle of cola, I had opened it and he got really ansy about the fact I had opened what he said was his bottle of cola. He continued to go on about how it’s his cola, he’s fed up with everyone not leaving his stuff alone and how he was saving this particular bottle of cola for xmas. I of course got fed up with hearing it and he was shouting at me to. I threw a cushion across the room at a wall because the carry on was so ridiculous and I got up to leave the room. What happened next shock me to the core!

He got up grabbed me really tightly by my shoulders and started shouting whilst physically shaking me. My teen dd was in the living room and told him not to hurt me. Upon hearing this he then done the same to her, shaking her and he pushed her onto the sofa and raised his fist to her. I got in between them and said what have you done, you have gone too far, get out my house. He then calmy sat on the sofa playing on his phone.

I left the room and rang his friend to get him out of my home and then I called the police.

The police came the next day to take my statement and I also have social services involved aswell.

In the midst of all this days later and staying at a friends he has also texted my mother & his best mate that he is going to end his life. My mother of course phones police and they find him. After all this it seems this behaviour has resulted from trauma in his childhood and upon talking to his friends and realising his odd behaviour of late (sullen, moody, depressed) it comes to a conclusion he has had some sort of mental breakdown.

He is going to get councilling and go to a mental health centre to get help.
Lately he has had a lot going on, a lump in his leg (no one is sure what it is but it’s due to be operated on), bumping into his adult niece at the weekend (they are non contact), our booking of our wedding, work issues and general stresses that come close to Christmas being a child of physical abuse.

I just feel so sad that although he has done this, our family isn’t a family any more and that he never felt he could open up to me about his struggles in life.
I also feel a fool for suggesting to get married and what an idiot I now to look to every one when clearly I must have been papering over the cracks.

I also feel so bad for my daughter who got caught in this crossfire and she is deeply traumatised by what has happened.

I’m not sure to feel happy, sad or angry at the moment. Things haven’t been right for a while so in some ways I’m relieved he is not here at home. Then I’m sad because he has hurt me and my dd and then I’m angry he never thought of getting mental help any time I’ve asked him to get but only now will he because he has lost everything.
I’m extremely sad that he can’t see any of the children as they really miss him but I know at the moment it’s not a possibility.

I also feel guilty for not realising how emotionally unstable he has been for some time. His parents hurt him and are horrible toxic people that me and the children went non contact with over nearly 4 years ago.

At the moment I can’t see a future, for now it’s just me and my children. Just feel like I’ve been living a lie for years and his unhappiness has become normal to me and now I look back and realise that I was papering over the cracks with the wedding stuff and maybe it pushed him further.
I also realised how he has disengaged from our family days out and time with me and thy has been going on longer than I realised.

How can I not have foreseen this 😞
How do I move on from this, people feel sorry for him as he is clearly mentally unwell and happy he has seeken help but I feel betrayed, hurt and that our family is in tatters. I’m obviously really happy he has took a step in the right direction but at the same time I don’t think I can ever trust him again.

I have lots of support from friends and family but no idea how my life is going to pan out and that’s a scary prospect. I love my children and only wanted what’s best for them, a loving family but now for the forceeable I’m going to be a single parent

FairyDust855 Sun 12-Nov-17 16:10:20

Do not blame yourself.

You've done the right thing to seperate yourself from him and protect yourself and your children.

What he has been through during his childhood is terrible but it's no excuse for how he's treated you and your family.

Allsortsofspuds Sun 12-Nov-17 16:17:58

Thankyou just feel so sad about the situation

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