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Want to call her out

(15 Posts)
DaisyRaine90 Sun 12-Nov-17 15:41:10

Really want to contact my mum (no contact) after finding out the level of domestic abuse I witnessed as a child from a family friend

It’s eating me and making me really anxious.

I don’t have therapy for another week.

Fekko Sun 12-Nov-17 15:47:15

Abuse from and to who? What would you hope to get from your mum by contacting her?

DaisyRaine90 Sun 12-Nov-17 16:00:43

she’s been abusive to me as an adult and denied it splitting my family apart

I’ve just found out that I don’t remember a big period of my life because of the domestic abuse between my mum and Dad

Mum trying to stab Dad in front of me that kind of stuff

If that comes to light I hope that she can accept that she has repeated this behaviour and that this is a pattern and apologise

I want to shout at her too

I had PTSD and periods of selective amnesia my whole life and it started as a child
I’d like validation. An apology, something.

I’m lost but so angry

Mirrormirrorotw Sun 12-Nov-17 16:02:14

Trust me when I say it will only do you more harm than good. Just imagine her dead and carry on with your life. It's hard but you'll get no joy. No admission. No apology. You will have your feelings minimised, denied. You will be gaslighted. Told what an awful person you are. If you're really lucky her flying monkeys (aka family members) will join in to attack you.

Leave her to rot.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 12-Nov-17 16:05:00

She has not fundamentally changed since you were a child Daisy; there is no point whatsoever in contacting your mother. Your mother is not the nice and or kind person you want her to be and you are yourself traumatised as a result of your dysfunctional childhood. You will not get an apology from her. Like many such disordered people she will not and has not taken any responsibility for her actions let alone apologise for them.

You can only help your own self ultimately, I would also consider contacting NAPAC as well You could perhaps benefit from their counsel too.

DaisyRaine90 Sun 12-Nov-17 16:09:29

Those flying monkeys used to be my closest friends and it breaks my heart every day 😫

DaisyRaine90 Sun 12-Nov-17 16:11:59

Thanks for the link that’s really helpful

That’s what my counsellor said that just because someone gave birth to you does not mean you owe them anything

I just miss the rest of my family and wish I could make peace with the bitch so I could have the rest of my family back 😢

Mirrormirrorotw Sun 12-Nov-17 16:13:44

Flying monkeys often are, Daisy.

Don't let this drag you down. I let it - it was the biggest mistake of my life.

Fekko Sun 12-Nov-17 17:16:01

You can't change people. It won't do you a scrap of good contacting her right now. Concentrate of you - the here and now - you are stronger away from her and her influence. She can't hurt you any more and with help you can face your past and memories and get stronger by working through these.

Hold your head up high and fave your future - which you control. Don't let her sabotage this for you!

DaisyRaine90 Sun 12-Nov-17 20:32:26

It was just a wobble today
I know NC is how it has to be

Sometimes I miss my siblings though it’s so hard

DaisyRaine90 Sun 12-Nov-17 20:33:00

& I want to tell Mum how I feel even though I know she couldn’t give a shit 😟 x

Mirrormirrorotw Sun 12-Nov-17 20:36:23

Write it down. Put it in and envelope and then shred/burn it.

DaisyRaine90 Sun 12-Nov-17 20:43:07

I’ve done a similar thing with my counsellor but sometimes I just have wavy days

Mirrormirrorotw Sun 12-Nov-17 22:19:36

That's understandable

DaisyRaine90 Mon 13-Nov-17 22:04:19

The flying monkeys is so accurate

I just wish I didn’t feel like the witch who got flattened by the house


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