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Should I leave my partner

(9 Posts)
Miss579squishy Sun 12-Nov-17 09:52:29

Hi All,

I've been with my partner for around 8 years now and we have a 7 year old son, I'm literally the women everyone would hate because my partner worships the ground I walk on, he would literally do anything for me and does always put me first, he is also a great dad. Does things around the house etc. I'm the awkward one! I love him and I would say he's my best friend but I'm always left feeling like there is something missing. My partner has never really had a good job or earned a lot of money, he's always been in and out of work, 6months here 3 months there and has never contributed to any bills, Christmas, etc his money (because he never earned a lot) was his money again he is out of work and it's been 3 months now, he tries looking for a job then that will fizzle out and I have to encourage him to look by nagging, I work full time and give him money to take our son out when I'm at work. I feel like he's not the one for me although I do love him( maybe because he's a good dad maybe because he's my best friend) he wants to get married and have another child but I don't want that.... im not sure if I'll ever want marriage or maybe because I'm not with the right person? I feel awful that I feel this way but he has no ambitions no careers goals no get up and go to take charge of his life, ideally I would like a man who is confident and knows where he's going in life, he also smokes weed, which I don't mind until I'm bailing him out and paying his debt( only been a couple of times and £80 max) but it really annoys me, I buy him clothes and he's always living in the past, talking about things that happen well over 8 years ago like prison, he also compares himself to people and is like "Compared to them I'm alright) this really annoys me because I never compare myself to people, I always try to push myself to be a better version of myself.I've always been like this throughout our relationship, we get on well something will happen and I feel like I'm not happy again, we get passed this and it happens again, I'm so confused and really not sure what I should do, I also feel guilty as if it was completely over he would have to move out and probbslly sleep on his mums sofa! We are currently on a break (told him 2 days ago)

HerOtherHalf Sun 12-Nov-17 09:57:39

So you've got drive, ambition, work ethic and he's a work-shy, dope-smoking ex-con? By what stretch of the imagination do you think you're remotely compatible? Of vourse he wants to get married and have more kids, he knows he's onto a good thing and wants to lock it in. He's never going to help you get what you want out of life so why waste time on him?

Rainbowqueeen Sun 12-Nov-17 10:16:03

But he would only need to sleep on his mums sofa because he doesn't work. If he had a job he could sort himself quickly.

You sound like you are with him due to guilt and habit.

Make the break permanent. He can still be a great dad even if you are apart, that's not a reason to stay together

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 12-Nov-17 10:20:00

im the woman everyone would hate - not even remotely - I feel sorry for you, I would hate to have to live with a guy like this.

Josuk Sun 12-Nov-17 10:28:30

OP - how can you say that he would do anything for you, etc. - if he can’t hold a job and contribute ‘his money’ to the bills, etc????
Doing THAT - would be doing something for you that matters.
Having you support him, and make all decisions - is hardy ‘worshiping’ you.
And trust me - most women would NOT feel even a little bit wishful to be with someone like that. It’s like living with a dependent.

I don’t know if it’s too late for him to change - or not. But you could tell him that the only way for the two of you to have a future is for him to grow up and carry his share of adult responsibilities. Pay bills, pay for his food and clothes.
How he even can think he can get married before he is able to do that - is beyond me.

jeaux90 Sun 12-Nov-17 10:29:08

Split and focus on co-parenting. Sounds like you are really not compatible

I couldn't be with a man like this. I'm a single mum, have a career.

Your identity is probably about work and your kid. His clearly isn't.

I'm sure no one hates you. Personally I feel sorry for people who have partners that adore them, it's bloody suffocating.

Rudgie47 Sun 12-Nov-17 10:39:04

You sound like you dont have a lot in common bar your child.
Leave him and remain amicable for the sake of your son.He doesnt sound a terrible person , just lost and not for you. Theres no reason why you couldnt still be on friendly terms.
I wouldnt marry him as he will just be sponging off you forever.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 12-Nov-17 11:04:50

I would wonder of you why you have been with someone like him at all to be honest. Did you see this person as really your own personal project to improve/fix?. What did you learn about relationships when growing up?. That is a question you do need to ask yourself.

That break you are on needs to become a permanent one unless you want to get caught up forever more in both your rescuing and enabling him for your own reasons. You cannot act as either a rescuer or saviour in a relationship and you have acted as both.

Miss579squishy Sun 12-Nov-17 11:46:00

Thank you all for your brutal but honest replies! This is exactly what I need. And it certainly does feel like having another dependant at times, this said I stupidly am no closer to a permanent decision although I will be sticking with the break for the mean time..... I need some head space.
It is hard though, I have no real family apart from my sister I don't talk to any of them, and also no real friends, I know this is probably why the relationship has lasted so long as I see him as family not just a partner. I do defiantly believe we could still be great friends as we have discussed this several times and agreed this is what we would want from such an outcome.

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